


The Most Beautiful Mistake

by WorryinglyInnocent



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: (with some mishaps along the way), A Monthly Rumbelling, AU, Angst, Comfort, Comfort Sex, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Woobie!Rum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 00:37:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10502787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WorryinglyInnocent/pseuds/WorryinglyInnocent
Summary: Belle French and ‘Rumpel’ Gold have been best friends for a long time, ever since Belle first walked into Gold’s yarn shop. One stormy night, one bottle of wine, and a couple of heartfelt confessions later, and their relationship will never be the same again.For the Monthly Rumbelling prompt: “Storm. Warmth. Loneliness. Rough. Adultery.”





	1. Chapter 1

 

It seemed that the storm was set in for the duration, and Gold shivered as the wind whistled around the building before tweaking the thermostat and listening to the ancient radiators clang and hiss into life. More than once, he’d thought about getting the old boiler replaced and the entire system properly serviced, but it was always more time, effort and money than he had the stomach for, so he persevered with his temperamental heating as he’d always done. A draught was coming in under the living room window and he sighed, wedging a rag against the sill. Hopefully he wouldn’t feel quite so frozen in a minute. The shop was always warm in the sometimes vain hope of enticing customers to come in, stay in, and hopefully buy things whilst they were in. Gold had always been told that heat rose, but years of living in a cold and damp apartment above a warm and dry shop had taught him otherwise. Since Neal had moved out, he’d seriously considered just moving down to the backroom of the shop altogether. There was a couch there, and a bathroom, and he’d lived in smaller places in his time.

Raindrops clattered against the window and he cringed in sympathy with the glass before pulling the blinds down and shutting the weather out of sight and out of mind, turning on the TV at full volume to drown out the sounds outside. Gold had never been a fan of storms, a fear that he had unfortunately passed on to his son, and he wondered how Neal was faring in Boston. Hopefully the foul weather wouldn’t have got that far south and Neal would be undisturbed. Eighteen years old and in the prime of his life, it wouldn’t do for his newly made friends to laugh at him because he was still scared of thunderstorms. There was a flash of lightning and Gold screwed his eyes up tight against it, his entire body tense as he waited for the thunder. It came only a few seconds later, a sudden crash that made him jolt and his stomach roil uncomfortably. Somewhere in the back of his mind, below the sounds of the storm, he thought he heard the shop bell jangle, but he was concentrating on remembering to breathe and trying his utmost not to be caught out by the next crackle from the skies.

As such, he jumped out of his skin when he heard heavy footfalls on the stairs and then a knock on the apartment front door. Although the apartment was brightly lit and the TV was still blaring some innocuous soap opera, he still felt the need to tiptoe across the room and open the door just a fraction to peer around it into the darkness of the stairwell. A pair of bright blue eyes framed by damp brown curls peered back, and then lifted a carrier bag to the crack.

“I brought wine. Thought we might need it.”

Gold stood back and opened the door wide to let Belle in. Of course it was Belle, who else was it going to have been? He’d given Belle a key to the shop so that she could let herself in whenever she pleased, and this was by no means the first time that she’d done it. It probably wouldn’t be the last, either.

“I thought you might like some company tonight,” Belle said, stepping out of her rubber boots and hanging up her raincoat. She shook her head vigorously to get the water out of her hair and Gold just gave a sigh of good-natured despair, fetching her a towel from the bathroom. That was one of the things he loved about Belle. Ever since she’d learned about his and Neal’s hatred for this kind of weather, she would always come over during a storm to make sure that the two of them were all right. It had just happened one day, and today was no different. Well, today was slightly different. Neal wasn’t here for a start, and Gold was facing his first storm season without his boy. And of course, there was the small matter of Gaston.

“Doesn’t Gaston mind you dropping everything and coming over here?”

“He’s out of town,” Belle said, wringing out her hair. “Gone to a stag party with his cousins. He won’t be back till Monday. So, here I am.”

“I can’t believe you came out in this,” Gold said. “It’s a good job I didn’t know you were coming or I would have had a heart attack. I’m not entirely sure I’m not having one now. How many times could you have been struck by lightning on your way over?”

“I live two streets away and we both know that I am not the tallest thing in Storybrooke. I was fine. Besides, I got here in one piece, so there’s no point in worrying about what could have been.”

That was the difference between them. Gold worried about everything. All the time. Belle put the past in the past and left it there.

She held up the wine with a bright smile. “Shall I pour?”

Gold nodded, waving her through to the kitchen and going back to the sofa, grabbing the throw blankets and shaking them out. Belle knew her way around his home well enough to help herself to whatever she needed. She’d been coming here regularly enough for the past… God, how many years was it now? Seven? Eight? It had all started the week she’d moved to town and she’d come into the shop, looking around and familiarising herself with the town. He’d been spinning in the back and hadn’t heard her come in, lost in thoughts as he always was when the wheel was turning. Then he’d heard her voice, so clear and new and unknown.

_“Hello? Is there anyone in here?”_

When she’d poked her head around the curtain, he’d been speechless for a few minutes until she’d finally coaxed him into conversation, and they’d gradually become firm friends, with Belle a regular visitor to the apartment. Neal, then ten, had loved her, and she had been a willing and readily available babysitter for years. But now…

Gold sighed as Belle brought the corkscrew and a couple of mismatched glasses through to the living room and settled herself comfortably on the sofa beside him, feet drawn up under her. It was foolish to wish for anything more than the easy friendship they’d always shared. He knew his reputation in the town well enough, the cowardly spinner who hid away in his wool shop to avoid their censure. It was a miracle that Belle would even speak to him and consider him her friend, and he couldn’t dare to think that she saw him as anything other than that. Besides. There was the small point of Gaston.

The younger man had been making overtures towards her for months, and up until recently Belle had always refused him. It was as if she had been waiting for something, but whatever it was that she’d been waiting for, she’d either given up expecting it or Gaston had provided it, for now their relationship was steady, she was in the process of moving into his home, and of course, the huge sparkler on her third finger couldn’t be denied. It really was a gorgeous piece, and Gold’s brow furrowed when he noticed its absence tonight.

“What’s up, Rumpel?” Belle asked, noticing his abstraction. He gave a soft huff of laughter at the nickname. She’d started to call him Rumpelstiltskin in honour of the spinning, and over time that had shortened down into Rumpel. He found he didn’t mind the moniker. He liked it better than his given name at any rate, although Belle’s lips could make _Tobias Gold_ sound like the sweetest thing on earth.

“You’re not wearing it,” he said, nodding towards her hand.

“Oh. No.” She looked down at her fingers, curling them into fists and hiding them under the blanket that covered her lap. “No. It’s not a great fit, if I’m honest, and it sits really heavy on my finger. Sometimes I feel like I can barely move my hand, like it’s this great weight on me…” She trailed off with an embarrassed cough. “Sorry, that sounds awful, like I’m bragging about the ring my fiancé got me being so big I can’t lift my hand. It’s not like that. It’s…” She didn’t finish the sentence, taking a big gulp of wine instead. “Enough of that. How are you? How’s Neal?”

“Neal’s doing well. He seems to have taken to college like a duck to water, and he’s working so hard.” The day Neal had received the envelope telling him he’d received the art scholarship he’d worked his ass off for had been the happiest day of Gold’s life. Although he’d never deny Neal the chance to go to college if that was what he wanted, the funds that he’d managed to put away would not have held out long and he didn’t want a lifetime of debt facing his son once his studies were done.

“I’m so glad to hear that.” She gave a small smile, swirling the wine around in her glass. “I can’t believe how much he’s grown up. When I first met him he was just this bright-eyed, bushy-tailed ten-year-old, and now he’s off at college. Makes me nostalgic for my own college days. Well, maybe not the hangovers.”

Gold just laughed. He’d never been to college himself, hadn’t even finished high school, and he was so proud of his boy, the first one of the family to go into higher education. Neal could make something of his life; he had enough gumption to conquer the world if he wanted to. He got that from his mother, but whereas Millie had used her fire to argue and fight and eventually run away, Neal poured his passion into his art and strove to make the world a more beautiful place.

They fell into silence for a while, both thinking about Neal and drinking their wine, until Belle turned her attention towards the TV, snuggling in a little closer beside Gold. He put his arm around her shoulders on instinct and she leaned in against him. It was a position that they had fallen into many times over the years when they’d been sitting together like this, just drinking and talking like old friends did. The gesture didn’t mean anything, the intimacy was purely platonic. Belle was a tactile creature and enjoyed being close to the people she liked. Gold just enjoyed the warmth of her next to him, and the knowledge that for a little while at least, he could hold her and pretend that they were a little more than friends, and commit just how well she fitted under his arm like this to memory for the long nights he spent alone, wishing she was there beside him.

“What is this?” she asked presently, nodding at the programme.

“I’ve no idea. Just whatever was on at the time. I didn’t really pay much attention.” He’d just wanted to drown out the sound of the storm outside, but the wind and thunder seemed to be dying down a little and now the TV was far too loud in the small apartment. Belle scrabbled for the remote and turned the volume down, and they continued to watch the romantic drama for a while.

“Does it still count as adultery if you’re not actually married?” Belle asked, with regard to the scene playing out on the screen. “I mean, adultery implies marriage. Is it still adultery if you’re only engaged? Or is that just ‘infidelity in general’?”

Gold shrugged. His first-hand experience of adultery was on the losing side, and he’d been married at the time. Glancing over at Belle, he saw that she was no longer looking at the screen, but was instead studying her hands intently, rubbing her thumb over the slight indent on her finger where her ring should have been sitting. It was clear that her mind had wandered away from the TV and to real life, but Gold knew better than to ask what she was thinking. They had very few secrets from each other, such close friends rarely did, but he felt that he was straying into dangerous territory now, his tongue loosened by the wine and the thoughts of infidelity and adultery fresh in his mind. Belle was engaged to Gaston. She was his dearest friend, but it was clear that she saw him as just that, a friend. She had a romantic life that didn’t involve him, and he couldn’t dare to try and insinuate himself into it now. He’d waited too long to reveal his feelings, never quite finding the right moment, and now it was too late. He’d made his bed and now he was going to have to lie in it and let his heart break a little bit more every time he saw Belle with Gaston.

Loneliness, he thought, was a strange thing. In that moment, he knew that it was perfectly possible to feel lonely when you had another person sitting only inches away from you. That small space between them seemed like an ocean. Belle was right there beside him, and yet he had never felt more alone.

He took the remote from her, changing the channel and hopefully changing his train of thought. Belle made a grunt of protest as the screen changed from a passionate embrace in a janitor’s closet to some kind of inane game show.

“You weren’t really watching that, were you?” he teased.

“I might have been. I might have been incredibly invested in the janitor’s illicit affair with the doctor’s fiancée. The fact I don’t know any of the characters’ names is neither here nor there.”

Gold rolled his eyes and continued to channel-hop until Belle saw a black and white movie beginning and begged for him to stop and let them watch it. After a few minutes, the identity of the film became clear. _Casablanca_. Perfect. Another man in love with a woman he was destined never to have. Gold sighed, refilled their wine glasses and readjusted the sofa throw over them both.

He didn’t take in much of the film, spending most of the time watching Belle instead. She was rapt, although he knew that she’d seen the film dozens of times before, and she didn’t move at all save to take sips of her wine.

By the time the end credits were rolling, silent tears were pouring down her cheeks.

“You fool, Ilsa,” she muttered under her breath. “You should have stayed with him.”

“Belle?” Gold ventured, turning the TV off and reaching over for the box of tissues on the end table, stretching as much as he could without disturbing his weeping friend. He managed to knock them off and sighed, grabbing his cane where it was resting against the back of the sofa and scooting the box along the floor until it came to Belle’s feet. She gave a weak little snort of laughter and grabbed a handful of tissues, wiping her eyes.

“Are you all right, sweetheart?” he asked, then cringed at the endearment. He hadn’t meant to call her that. Either Belle didn’t notice or didn’t care, as she made no comment, just blowing her nose and giving a long sigh.

“Yes, yes, I’m fine. I always cry at the end of _Casablanca_.”

She drained the rest of her wine and shared the remainder of the bottle between their two glasses. They drank in silence for a while, the muted sounds of the storm outside a soundtrack to Gold’s dark and tumultuous train of thought. They’d spent enough time in companionable silence over the years that this was not odd and neither of them felt the need to fill the gap, but there was something different about it today. Gold could feel it, a certain tension in the air. Maybe it was just the electrical storm. Maybe the tension was between them. Something taut and undefined. He pushed the thought aside; it would be dangerous to follow it through to its completion, which was why when Belle spoke again, her words jarred him.

“I don’t want to get married.”

Her voice was small, barely more than a breath, and she wasn’t looking at him when she said the words. She was staring at the empty wine bottle, a serious expression on her face.

“Belle?”

She looked at him now, still sombre, somewhat mournful.

“I don’t want to get married,” she repeated, her voice cracking a little on the last word. “I just… I think about it and I get this horrible trickle of fear down my spine, and I don’t know why.”

“Well…” God, there were so many things that he could say now, so many things that he wanted to say. _Don’t get married. Please, for the love of everything holy, don’t get married. You don’t have to marry me instead, but please don’t marry him and break my heart._ None of them were the right thing to say, of course, and he shooed the thoughts away. If Belle was going to get married, then Gaston was by far and away the best choice. He was closer to her own age, tall, handsome, good-looking. Hale and healthy and strong, everything a man should be. In short, nothing like Gold himself.

He tried to think of the best thing to say in the circumstances.

“Well, you’ve got a while to think it over,” he hedged. “It’s not like you’ve set a date. I think it’s natural to get cold feet about such a momentous decision. If it was the week before the wedding, I’d be more worried.”

Belle shook her head. “It’s not like that,” she said quietly. “This isn’t just last minute nerves. I’ve been feeling this way for weeks. Ever since…” She sighed heavily, as if the entire weight of the world was on her shoulders. “Well, ever since I said yes, to be honest. I just have this terrible fear that I’ve made an awful mistake and if I go through with this then I’ll live to regret it.”

“What is there to regret?” Gold asked.

“Oh, so much!” Belle exclaimed, and he could see her cheeks and the corners of her eyes turning pink again, tears welling and dripping onto her lap. “This will change my entire life! I mean, Gaston’s a lovely guy, but can I really see myself spending the rest of my life with him? Will he really want me for that long? Maybe this was all a huge mistake.”

“Belle, please.” Gold reached out and wiped away her tears. “Belle, you are amazing and any man should feel lucky to have you agree to marry him.” He paused, and completely unbidden, he added: “I know I would.”

Belle sniffed. “You really mean that?”

He nodded, biting his tongue to stop him digging himself even further into this rapidly deepening hole.

She stared down at her hands, clasped loosely in her lap, rubbing the ridge on her finger again.

“Gold,” she began, her voice so small and unsure that he wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in a hug and never let her go again. “Do you think I’m making a mistake?”

He swallowed hard. What could he say to that? It would be selfish indeed to say yes and try to talk her out of it to spare his own delicate feelings on the matter. But at the same time, Belle was so very sad at the moment, and he knew that he needed to say what she truly needed to hear.

“I think that the biggest mistake you could make would be to ignore your gut,” he said finally. “If you think that marrying Gaston is a mistake, then it probably is.”

“I just don’t know _why_ I think that, though,” Belle said. “It would help if my gut gave me some reasons. All I know is that I just feel like it’s a bad idea to go through with it.”

“You’ll work it out together.”

“Yeah, because saying ‘sorry but I don’t want to marry you anymore’ is really going to go down well.” Belle snorted, and then burst into a fresh flood of tears, collapsing against Gold’s chest and burying her face in his sweater. All Gold could do was hold her.

He’d held her whilst she cried before. They’d spent entire nights together ensconced on his sofa like this after Belle’s father had passed away. He never got used to it though, the horrible, gnawing feeling of unavoidable guilt that Belle was terribly unhappy and there was nothing he could do to ease that pain.

Gradually her tears subsided into snuffling sobs, and the odd hiccup,  

“Did you really mean it?” she asked eventually, voice muffled in wool.

“What?”

She looked up at him, red-faced and snotty and utterly beautiful.

“When you said you’d feel lucky to marry me.”

All her walls were down and she was staring into his face, searching for the truth. The painful truth that Gold knew he was going to have to give to her.

“Belle, if you married me I’d be the luckiest man alive. You’re brave, you’re smart, you’re so beautiful… All the things I’m not. You deserve the world, and it would be a mistake to marry someone who can’t give it to you.”

He certainly couldn’t. A lame spinner tucked away in his shop that barely made ends meet.

For a long time, Belle just stared at him, and Gold was on the verge of making a torrent of apologies when she spoke.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you so much.”

Gold wasn’t sure whether she was aiming for his mouth or his cheek when she kissed him, but she ended up with her lips pressed against his own. Instead of giving a quick peck of friendship and moving away, however, she leaned in to deepen the kiss, slanting her mouth over his and carding her fingers into his hair.

He should have put up some kind of resistance, however feeble. For all she was having doubts, she was still engaged to another man, and their friendship had been so long-lasting and so precious, he couldn’t let himself possibly ruin that for her in a moment of madness born from insecurity.

But he had wanted her for so long and dreamed of this moment so many times that he couldn’t resist. Belle was kissing him, she wanted to kiss him, and he wanted more than anything to kiss her back. He brought one hand up to cradle the back of her head, expecting at any moment to be pushed back, but she continued to kiss him. When she finally pulled away there was a brightness in her eyes that had not been there before.

“Belle,” he began, heart pounding. “Belle, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

“Shh.” She pressed a finger to his lips. “I was the one who kissed you, Rumpel.”

“I know, but I kissed you back, and…”

The finger was back against his lips.

“Do you want this?” Belle asked quietly. “I mean, you kissed me back which makes me think that you do.”

He was going to hell, Gold thought as he nodded, and Belle smiled and kissed him again. There was more ferocity in this kiss, more energy, as if she’d made up her mind to do something and was going after it with the full force of her being like she always did. Belle never did anything by halves, that was one thing that he had learned about her very quickly when she had started coming into his shop. She had no woolwork experience, but she’d set about teaching herself with gusto, and although her first efforts had varied degrees of success, no-one could ever say that she was not enthusiastic about her chosen hobby.

Kissing was no different, and as she wound her fingers back into his shaggy hair, Gold brought his hands to her waist, anchoring himself in the moment. If this was a dream, then he never wanted it to end.

Belle’s teeth nipped his bottom lip and he felt the sting of it smart a little before her tongue ran over the wound like a balm. It definitely wasn’t a dream then. He was really kissing Belle, and she was really scrambling into his lap, and his cock was really very interested in this latest development. Christ, how long had it been since he’d last made love to a woman? The thought of laying Belle down on the sofa and kissing her all over, hearing her moan his name in the throes of her orgasm, or having her ride him in the back room of the shop downstairs, well, those images had filled his dreams and idle hours for months, and Gold was embarrassed to admit just how many times he had taken himself in hand in the dead of night in his lonely bed to the thought of Belle as eager as she was now. It was hardly surprising how quickly the blood was rushing south, he couldn’t even hope to be able to satisfy her, and this one time that he and Belle were more than just friends would be forever imprinted on her memory as one of her least satisfying sexual experiences. He could never compete with Gaston in the physicality department. Millie had made that very clear when she’d gone off with her sailor boy.

Gold cursed himself inwardly, trying to smack the thoughts out of his mind. He was getting ahead of himself. Belle didn’t want to have sex with him, she couldn’t, and now she was pressing in closer against his chest and her hips were inching closer into his and if she hadn’t felt his erection before, then she’d definitely feel it now. Any moment now she would pull away, disgusted, and their friendship would be ruined forever because his manhood didn’t know when to call it a day.

Belle broke away, her lips plump and pink from kissing,

“I…” Gold began, a thousand apologies forming on his lips, but Belle shook her head, plunging back in against him again, and all he could do was moan with pleasure against her mouth at being allowed to remain in this blissful moment for even longer. The alarm bells were flaring in his mind, Millie’s snide voice creeping in through his ears telling him that this was going to be the worst night of his life and Belle was never going to speak to him again, even as her hands were going to the hem of his sweater and trying to get it off him without breaking their kiss.

“Do you...” Gold began once she finally let him up for air.

“Yes?”

She paused, her eyes bright with the wine and her desire through the pink and puffiness from her earlier tears, his sweater bunched in her hands halfway up his chest. There were so many things he could have said, ought to have said. _Do you think this is a good idea? Do you realise how long it’s been for me? Do you really want this?_ Somehow, he couldn’t make his mouth form a single word.

“I want this, Rumpel,” Belle said. “I really, really do. Do you?”

Gold nodded, because he couldn’t lie to her, not when she could feel his cock hardening against her thigh, desperate to be inside her.

“Do you think we ought to move to the bedroom?” he asked.

A smile crept over Belle’s face.

“Yes, I think that would be an excellent idea.”

She slipped off his lap, standing and holding out a hand to him, and Gold scrabbled to switch off the TV and take her hand, clinging to her fingers almost as if she were a lifeline, like he was about to drown without her. His bedroom was just a few steps down the hall, and as they entered and Belle turned on the light, Gold wished he’d known that she would be seeing in here. It wasn’t untidy, but it wasn’t exactly the most welcoming of rooms. It had never had to be; Millie had taken all the homely atmosphere with her when she had left, and Belle was the first woman ever to venture across this threshold since her.

She didn’t seem to mind the spartan feel to the room though, crossing the floor and switching on the reading light before hovering by the bed, and Gold was glad to turn the main light off and join her.

“Yes?” she asked.

He shouldn’t have nodded. He really shouldn’t. She had a boyfriend, a fiancé no less, and she was his dearest, nay, his only friend. But that was just it. She was his friend, and she was so very beautiful, and she was so very sad, and of all the people in the world, Belle did not deserve to be sad. If this was what she wanted, then Gold, as head over heels in love with her as he was, could not deny her it.

“Yes,” he said, and he joined her as she turned the covers back, once pristine white now faded to dull grey from too many cycles through the washing machine over the years. Gold cringed, and Belle caught his expression.

“What’s the matter, Rumpel?” she asked.

“You deserve white silk and rose petals,” he murmured, cupping her cheek and trying to reassure her that it wasn’t anything she had done that had caused his worry. “All I can give you is murky polycotton.”

Belle shrugged, slipping her arms back around him and finally divesting him of his sweater, discarding the baggy wool onto the floor.

“They’re just sheets, Rumpel,” she said. “They’ll serve their purpose no matter what colour they are or what they’re made of.”

He had to kiss her again after that, and she gave a giggle against his mouth as she tugged at his t-shirt. Her hands were so soft against his skin; everything about her was soft, and Gold thought of his own hands, rough and scarred and careworn. He was unworthy to touch her, and yet here she was. In his bedroom, gradually undressing him. His t-shirt joined his sweater, and Gold resisted the urge to cross his arms over his thin chest, instead grabbing Belle’s waist, digging his fingers in a little as if to convince himself that she was real and not just a fantasy, that he hadn’t fallen asleep on the sofa in front of _Casablanca_.

Her fingers mapped his chest, nails grazing his nipples, and he couldn’t help but hiss at the sensation.

“I think it’s time you took something off me,” Belle said, bringing her hands down to cover his and then moving them to the top button of her cardigan. “I don’t want to have all the fun here.”

Just being in the moment and having her touch him was more than enough fun for Gold, and anything else was just a wonderful bonus, but nevertheless, he unfastened her buttons with shaking fingers, and Belle pulled off the cardigan and the blouse beneath it with impatient movements, unhooking her bra and tossing it aside in one smooth motion. For a moment, all Gold could do was just stare at her breasts, small, perfectly formed pale peaks with dusky pink points.

“Oh Belle,” he breathed. “You’re exquisite.”

Belle’s cheeks coloured at the compliment, and she traced a finger down the centre of his chest to his belt buckle. “You can touch, you know,” she said. “Please touch me, Rumpel. I want your hands on me.”

God, it was a beautiful mistake, doing this, but Gold had long since known he was powerless to deny her what she wanted, and what he knew he wanted too. It was selfish he knew, to take so much pleasure from something that was for Belle, to make her feel better about herself and her choices, but he couldn’t help it. She was just so lovely.

Gently he cupped her breasts, grazing his thumbs over her nipples and rubbing them in small circles; it was the same motion he used on the wool when he was spinning, and Belle gasped out under his touch. Gold’s head jerked up, afraid that he’d done something wrong.

“Belle?”

“Do that again, Rumpel,” she breathed. “It feels wonderful.”

His fears only slightly quelled, Gold rubbed her again, feeling her wriggle.

“I love watching you spin,” Belle murmured, her fingers slipping beneath his waistband, clinging to his belt as if it was the only thing keeping her upright. “Watching the way your fingers move… It’s mesmerising… The number of times I wanted to feel your hands on me, feel you caress me like you caress your wheel and your wool…”

Gold chanced to kiss her again, pressing his lips to hers as his hands stilled on her breasts, and Belle tugged at his waistband, pulling him in closer. There was a voraciousness in her kiss, a fire and desperate hunger, as if she was drowning and he was her air. Gold felt exactly the same way; and now that he was here touching her, he never wanted to let her go. Finally her lips broke away from his and she pecked little kisses down his cheek and neck, her hands dancing around to his belt buckle and unfastening his trousers, the metallic sound of the zip harsh in the quiet bedroom.

“Ok?” she prompted, her hands ready to shove his trousers down. Gold nodded. He didn’t think he’d ever been more ok, his body aching for her touch all over even whilst the snide voice in the back of his mind kept telling him that what they were doing was a mistake. Such a wonderful mistake.

It took a little bit of fumbling then as he almost tripped over the fabric pooling around his ankles, and he had to sit down on the bed to take off his socks and trousers completely. Sitting there in just his tented boxer shorts, Gold felt incredibly exposed, but then Belle shimmied out of her own jeans and settled herself in his lap, crossing her ankles behind his back and kissing him deeply, arms hooking around his neck. Her body was wrapped around him like a safety blanket, her breasts flush against his chest, the warmth of her sex right next to his cock… Gold groaned with want against her mouth.

“Are you all right?” Belle asked, pulling away with alarm at the noise.

“Yes. Yes, I’m all right. Are you?”

Belle nodded and kissed him again, carding her fingers into his hair and capturing his mouth again in a fierce, hungry kiss, possessive and needy all at the same time. They eventually made it onto the bed properly in the little breaks between kissing and mapping each other’s bodies with their hands, learning the places that made the other moan and begin to fall apart. At length, Belle tipped Gold over onto his back and knelt up, slipping her panties down her legs and tossing them off to the side, giving him his first look at her completely bare. The evidence of her arousal was glistening in her close-trimmed curls, and Gold felt his mouth begin to water at the sight, longing to taste her juices whilst the snide voice in the back of his mind expressed complete disbelief that she could be so wet at the thought of having sex with him of all people.

“Rumpel?” she hedged. “Is everything ok?”

“Please let me taste you, sweetheart,” he managed to rasp. “You look so delicious.” Inwardly he cringed at the line, but it didn’t seem to put Belle off at all, and she crawled up his body, bracing herself against the headboard so that her slit was directly above him, right where he wanted her, shining and inviting. He took her bottom, pulling her down towards him and pressing a kiss right on her folds, feeling her gasp and wriggle with pleasure. In for a penny, in for a pound, and he probed his tongue gently along her cleft, seeking out her clit. He’d never been all that good at this; Millie had so often moaned at him to hurry up and bring her off already, but he was determined that Belle would come as many times as he could make her tonight. This was her pleasure, this was to make her feel better. Anything that he received was merely an added bonus. It wasn’t about him.

“Yes!” Belle’s nails scraped along the headboard and one hand came down to tangle in his hair as he continued to lap at her. “God, yes, just like that, please, Rumpel!”

He didn’t know what he was doing to elicit such a vivid reaction, but he just kept lapping at her clit, chancing to slip a finger up inside her clutching entrance. Oh, she was so hot and wet, he couldn’t wait to be inside her. His cock twitched eagerly at the thought, jumping back to attention ready for action, and he willed it to behave itself. This was not for his greedy cock, this was for Belle, and she was perfectly within her rights not to let his cock anywhere near her. Gold returned his attention to her clit, hating himself for neglecting her needs in favour of fantasising about his own, and he slipped another finger inside.

“ _Yes_!”

He felt Belle clench around his fingers, felt the warm wet rush of her orgasm, felt her thighs shaking either side of his head, and for a moment he couldn’t quite believe what had happened. But then Belle was moving, letting his fingers slip out of her and collapsing down against his chest, pressing her mouth against his, licking herself off his lips.

“Thank you,” she said. There were tears in her eyes as she continued to pepper his lips with kisses, and Gold reached up to brush them away, his brow furrowed. Was she regretting it, the fact that they’d done this? He thought he’d been making her feel better, but he’d never forgive himself if he’d just made everything worse.

“Belle, I…” he began, not even sure where to begin his apology but just knowing that one needed to be made. “I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t be.” Belle pressed a finger against his lips. “Please don’t be sorry. I’m not.”

Oh. Well, that changed things then. Gold felt his cock twitch again as Belle brushed her hand down over his groin, cupping him gently and squeezing his balls, tearing a groan from his throat before she hooked a finger into the waistband of his boxers.

“May I?” she asked.

“Yes.” Good lord, this wasn’t for him, this was for her, but if this was what she wanted to do then he was weak-minded enough not to argue, and he lay there mute as Belle eased his shorts down his legs and they joined her panties on the floor. She turned her gaze to his cock, lying flush against his belly, hard and hot and desperate for her touch, one she readily provided, tracing up and down the thick vein on the underside in the sweetest torture possible. Finally she stopped teasing him and settled herself back over him, rubbing her wet centre up against his cock.

“Belle, I haven’t, I mean, it’s been a long time… I don’t have any protection,” he gasped out.

“I’m clean,” Belle said, running her hands over his chest and flicking at his nipples, making him almost sob with pleasure and the need of her, the need to be inside her and feel her around him, clinging to him. “Had my gyno last week. And I take the Pill. I just want you inside me, Rumpel. Please?”

Well, he was never going to deny her, and he nodded, taking himself in hand and lining them up, pushing in gently and letting Belle set the pace. She was slow and languid in her movements, just the way Gold liked to make love, with no urgency, none of the franticness that his own nervous ministrations had held. He slipped his arms around her back, pulling her in closer and changing the angle, going deeper as she rocked her pelvis and he rolled his hips up to meet her. She felt like heaven around him and he never wanted to let her go and relinquish her hold on him. He’d be happy to have her here on top of him for the rest of his life.

But his body was evidently not of the same opinion and he felt his orgasm building in the pit of his stomach. He closed his eyes, trying to hold back, hearing Belle’s little pants and moans as she kept rubbing against him, stimulating her clit against his pubic bone as she moved.

“Are you close, sweetheart?” he asked. “Are you there? I can’t…”

The release washed over him in a beautiful tidal wave as he spilled himself inside Belle’s tight channel. Belle continued to move on him, wringing every last drop of pleasure from him that she could, and just as Gold thought that he could feel nothing sweeter, her inner walls fluttered around him and she cried out, burying her face into his neck as another orgasm took hold.

As they lay there in the cooling, Gold realised that there was no going back. This had happened, and it would forever be a part of them and their relationship. What would change now? Would anything change? Come tomorrow, Belle would go home, go back to her relationship, but could they pretend that this had never happened between them, that this was just a measure of comfort between two friends? Although he tried to keep that feeble hope alive, Gold knew that it was impossible.

Belle lifted herself up on her knees, letting his softening cock slip out of her, and she moved away into the bathroom. Gold sighed, grabbing tissues from the nightstand and cleaning up as best he could, the sweat and semen drying on his skin making him shiver in the cold night air. He got under the covers, waiting for Belle to return. Maybe he could persuade her to stay the night with him. It was so dark out, after all, and the weather was miserable. But he wouldn’t force her to stay if she didn’t want to. If she wanted to try and forget what they’d done - and who could blame her if she did - then he’d be the last person to remind her.

The pipes moaned into complaining life as the toilet flushed and the sink ran, and a minute or so later Belle appeared in the bathroom doorway. She seemed tentative for a moment, pensive, and she was playing with her fingers nervously as she took a couple of steps back across the room towards the bed.

“You don’t mind if I stay?” she asked. Gold blinked. Why on earth would he mind? He patted the pillow beside him and Belle came over, snuggling down beneath the covers and curling up against his body as if she’d been sleeping beside him every night of their friendship. On instinct, he put his arms around her, and she gave a sleepy, happy sigh in his embrace.

“Thank you,” she said. “Thank you so much.”

“Yes,” Gold murmured. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

This had been a bad mistake, he thought, as Belle’s body went lax in his arms and she drifted off into sleep, but somehow, he could not bring a single part of himself to regret what had happened between them. The storm had died down to a calm wind whistling around the outside of the apartment, its noise soothing and gentle as it went about its way, protecting them from the outside world in their little cocoon of blankets. Gold pulled Belle in closer against his side, the comforting warmth of her body seeping into his own and making him content and sleepy. They could deal with the consequences of this most beautiful mistake in the morning. For now, he never wanted to let Belle go.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**

Morning came too soon. Gold woke up to a painfully full bladder and a sour taste in his mouth from the wine the previous evening, remembering that he’d forgotten to brush his teeth. The weak sunlight was creeping around the edges of the blinds into the bedroom, dimly illuminating the bed and reminding him just what he’d done the night before, if Belle’s arm sprawled across his chest and her legs entwined with his weren’t enough to hammer home the point. He’d told himself that it had been a mistake at the time, but he’d been so addled with lust that he hadn’t listened to the sensible part of his brain and now, well, now this had happened. What had he done?

He gingerly extricated himself from Belle’s loose hold on him, slipping out of bed carefully so as not to wake her. Part of him really didn’t want to be there when she woke up and realised what had happened, but he knew that was the coward talking. He’d made a complete mess of things and he was going to have to face up to it. There could be no running away from this one. Of all the terrible things to have to face up to, it had to be this, a situation entirely of his own making because he was weak and pathetic and couldn’t keep his cock away from Belle and in his pants where it belonged. Having relieved himself and brushed his teeth, coherent thought became a little clearer, and with clarity came pain and crushing realisation.

He was nothing short of a monster. Belle had been in such a state, so sad, and what had he done? He’d taken advantage of her emotional vulnerability for his own selfish ends. Some desperate little part of his brain piped up, telling him that it wasn’t his fault, that Belle had initiated it all, and he pressed it down, splashing cold water into his face to try and shock him back into reality. It didn’t matter what Belle had done, it didn’t matter that Belle had kissed him first. He shouldn’t have taken it any further because he knew that was not what Belle wanted really. She was overwrought, stressed, doubting herself. She couldn’t be held responsible for any rash decisions she made in that state, and he sure as hell shouldn’t have been encouraging her in the shameless way he had done. Belle had looked to him for comfort and security, and that was what he should have provided. He should have held her and dried her tears like all the other times she had looked to him for support. He should have tucked her up in his bed to sleep on her tumultuous thoughts and spent the night on the sofa. He should have…

It didn’t matter what he should have done, because he hadn’t done any of it. Instead he’d slept with his best friend and now he was going to have to deal with the fallout from that. Gold sighed, looking at his face in the mirror. He couldn’t put it off any longer, he was going to have to leave the bathroom at some point, so he grabbed his bathrobe off the back of the door and returned to the bedroom. Belle had stirred a little since he’d left, turning over onto her stomach, her arm still stretched out as if she was reaching across the bed for him, but she was still sound asleep. Should he wake her? No, let her stay undisturbed for as long as she needed; she’d cried a lot last night and it would have taken it out of her. Besides, she probably wouldn’t appreciate coming face to face with him after what had happened and being forced to confront it head on the moment she woke. Gold hovered in the doorway, unsure of his next move. It seemed incredibly perverse to make her breakfast after what had happened and he didn’t want to force her to stay in the screaming awkwardness that would no doubt ensue when she woke. She would probably want to get as far away from him as possible as quickly as possible and he would be certain to let her. He wanted to be there when she woke, to hold himself accountable for his terrible decisions, but getting back into bed with her was impossible, despite the selfish voice telling him that this was it and these few precious minutes would be his last chance to hold Belle close and feel the warmth of her skin against his. Gold shook his head. Belle wasn’t his to touch and hold. She had never been his. She’d said that she no longer wanted to marry Gaston, but that did not in any way mean that she wanted to marry him, or that she had any feelings towards him in that way at all.

But she’d been so eager last night, his brain kept telling him. She’d kissed him and undressed him and he liked to think that she’d enjoyed herself. All the same, he couldn’t help but wonder. It would be incredibly unfair to Belle and a terrible slander against her character to claim that she had only kissed him because he happened to be there at the time she needed him, and that she would have done the same to any man she’d happened to be with at the time she started to have doubts about her relationship with Gaston. Belle was not like that, not at all. The fact remained, though, that up until that moment they had been dear friends, and maybe in her state…

He shook his head. He could not blame Belle for any of this, it wasn’t her fault. He should have shut her down gently, told her that he loved her so much but she really didn’t know what she was doing and she’d regret it in the morning, and left it at that. Sure, his own heart would be breaking, but Belle’s would be protected.

There was no time to think about his next move any more. Belle stirred into full wakefulness, her hand brushing across the sheets and her brow furrowing when she found the bed beside her empty. She blinked a couple of times and sat up, looking around the room and finally seeing Gold hovering in the doorway. She gave him a sleepy smile.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.” What else could he say? What else was there to say? Where the hell did they go from here?

Suddenly Belle grimaced, screwing her face up and pressing a hand to the side of her head.

“Oh god,” she mumbled. “That was a bad idea. Too much wine.”

Gold’s stomach jolted uncomfortably. She’d been drunk and vulnerable and he’d had sex with her. What kind of a predator was he? How could he even look her in the eye after the way he’d treated her?

“I’m so sorry,” he said. Ha, as if sorry could make up for it. “It won’t happen again, I swear.”

As if that was going to be any consolation. Empty words, when even now his brain was remembering how beautiful she had looked panting in the aftermath of her orgasm and how wonderful her pleasure had tasted on his tongue.

“Oh.” Belle bit her bottom lip, drawing the covers up over her breasts as she looked at him, consciousness dawning. Yes, now she saw him for what he really was, the man she’d trusted as her best friend who’d turned out not to be so trustworthy after all. “Oh.”

“I’m so sorry,” Gold repeated, but he knew that the more you said something, the more it lost its meaning until it was simply hollow. “I’ll, erm, I’ll get you something for your head.”

He went into the kitchen, cringing at the empty wine bottle and glasses on the table still there from last night, but he didn’t clear them up, needing the evidence, the reminder of what he’d done. There was an unopened bottle of water in the fridge and he rummaged in the medicine drawer for a new blister pack of Tylenol. He wouldn’t blame her for being wary of anything he gave her, best to show her that his intentions now, at least, were honourable, and that he was trying to make amends for his behaviour, and try to win her trust again.

X

Belle drew her knees up to her chest beneath the covers, hugging them close and wondering what on earth she ought to do now. When she had woken, still pleasantly sated from the night before and expecting to find Gold in her arms, she had been surprised to find him gone from the bed, but not necessarily alarmed by his absence. The body had needs to attend to after all. But when she had seen him standing there in the doorway, curled up on himself as if he was trying to put as much distance between them as possible, his face ghastly pale and stricken, she knew that something had gone terribly wrong. For a brief moment she hadn’t connected his mood this morning with what they had done the previous evening and she’d thought that perhaps something terrible and unrelated had happened, maybe he’d received bad news about Neal, but that thought was quickly dismissed. He would have told her straight away if there was a problem with Neal, he wouldn’t have waited for her to wake up naturally. And he wouldn’t have looked at her as if she was going to bite him.

She had bitten him last night, hadn’t she? She remembered her teeth catching his lip when she’d kissed him so frantically.

_I’m so sorry. It won’t happen again._ _I’m so sorry._

Something inside Belle’s gut twisted. He regretted what they had done last night, and he was telling her in no uncertain terms that it was a one-off deal, that he was sorry but really it would never, could never, happen again. And really, could she blame him? She’d jumped her best friend, a man who’d shown no romantic or sexual intentions towards her at all during the eight years of their acquaintance, and now she was expecting him to want to form a relationship with her? She must be deranged.

_He said that he would be lucky to marry you_ , a voice in the back of her head said. _He went down on you, you sat on his face for crying out loud. He told you that you were delicious and beautiful and…_

Her stomach churned. He was her friend. Of course he was going to tell her those things to make her feel better. What friend wouldn’t? If she’d gone to Ruby or Ariel or any one of her other female friends they would have said the same thing to reassure her and boost her confidence. The difference being, she wouldn’t have gone on to kiss them senseless and sleep with them. She knew that it had been a mistake to confess her feelings to Gold. She’d been attracted to him for so long, since practically the first moment they met and she had seen him working at the spinning wheel, but time had made it obvious that he did not feel the same way about her at all. She’d waited for him, tried so hard to tease his true feelings out of him, but in the end, she had given up, knowing that she couldn’t make him feel things that weren’t there.

She shouldn’t have brought the wine. She knew that she couldn’t hold her wine, and Gold knew it too. That was probably why he’d humoured her, knowing that she was being silly and tipsy. But then she’d let it go too far, and swept him along in her wake, and now, well, he was no doubt feeling ill-used and here she was, still sitting in his bed reminding him of what she’d made him do in the name of friendship and consolation.

_He had a good time too!_ The voice in the back of her head was whiny and persistent. As much as Belle wanted to think something along the lines of ‘he’s a hot-blooded man and he had a ridiculous horny woman practically dry-humping him, of course he was going to react to that’, she knew that really, that wasn’t true. Gold had never dated in all the time she’d known him.  She’d never seen him in the company of another woman, or another man for that matter. He wasn’t the type to just shag anything that he happened to come into contact with, not like Gaston’s friend Keith who seemed to have spread chlamydia around most of the Rabbit Hole’s patrons. But if it had been so long – it was at least twelve years since his wife had left him – then he really couldn’t be blamed for his cock reacting to her in the way it had. And since she’d been so persistent, well, he’d just gone along with what she’d wanted, because he was her friend and he had never denied her anything that made her happy, no matter what the personal cost might be. But this was more than wool and wine and the natural gestures that came with friendship. This was something far bigger. She’d crossed a line; she’d misread his signals and thought that he wanted something that he obviously didn’t, and she’d taken something she wasn’t entitled to.

There was a soft knock at the bedroom door.

“Belle?”

“Erm, yes, I’m decent.” Well, she wasn’t at all, she was still completely naked, but there was nothing pertinent on show as she wrapped the sheet around her a little tighter to spare his blushes.

Gold came in, holding out a bottle of water and a pack of Tylenol. Even after the spectacle she’d made of herself yesterday, he was still so good and caring and it made Belle want to cry all over again.

“I’m so sorry,” she said. “I…”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Rumpel said. “You’ve done nothing to be ashamed of.” His hand hovered above hers where he’d passed her the pills, but then he withdrew it as if he had been stung. The action bit her hard, and Belle took a deep breath. God, she’d ruined everything, and yet he still said that she hadn’t done anything wrong. She really didn’t deserve him. He crossed his arms over his chest tightly, hugging himself.

“I’ll let you get dressed in peace,” he said. “You’re welcome to take a shower if you’d like. You know where I keep the spare towels.” The faintest whisper of a smile ghosted across his lips for a split second before it was gone, his face returning to its grave aspect. “I’ll leave you alone.”

He disappeared from the room again, leaving Belle with her water and her thoughts. A shower was tempting, to try and wash away her terrible decisions, but she couldn’t impose on Gold any longer, she’d already taken advantage of his kindness far too much. A small part of her wanted to keep the scent of him lingering on her skin for a while longer, to keep a small part of him with her for an hour or so more in the aftermath of her ruining their friendship. Besides, it was clear that he was uncomfortable in her presence at the moment and she wouldn’t force it on him. Reluctantly, she got out of bed and started searching for her clothes on the floor, pulling them on quickly as the final wonderful memories of last night started to fade away.

She had known that it was a rash decision, that she was still technically engaged to Gaston, that Gold was her friend and nothing more. Maybe it was the wine loosening her inhibitions or maybe she’d just had a fit of madness, but she had not expected the morning after to hurt as badly as it did. She’d made a mistake, she knew that. It had been such a wonderful, beautiful mistake at the time, but like all mistakes, it had consequences, more far-reaching than she could ever have fathomed when she had first made the decision to kiss him and throw caution to the wind.

When she came into the living room, she found Gold standing by the window, looking out over the grey morning. A tree branch had been torn loose in the howling gale last night and was hanging precariously outside the window, blowing violently in the strong winds that remained from the storm. In a way it was the perfect analogy for their friendship. Blown about in the storm and now hanging from a thread, damaged beyond repair.

“Rumpel?” she hedged. He turned and gave a wan smile on seeing her ready to leave. Ordinarily on the days after she’d spent the night during a storm, they would go to Granny’s for baconana waffles and they’d spend a pleasant, relaxed morning together. It felt laughable to suggest that now. Gold clearly wanted her out of the apartment as soon as possible.

“I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other again for a while,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”

The words cut Belle like a knife, although she could well understand why he had said them. If their friendship was ever going to recover from the wild curveball that she had thrown at it, then naturally he would need some space to process what had happened and, hopefully with time, forgive her. She couldn’t blame him for not being able to continue as they were before right now. With her own feelings so jumbled, she knew that logically she needed time as well, as much as she wanted to launch straight into trying to make things better, it would not work if even she did not know what she wanted.

But oh God, she was going to miss him so much.

“Yes,” she agreed. “Yes, I think that’s the best way.”

The silence in the room between them was so awkward, and it pained Belle because they’d never had awkward silences before. She had to leave, it was her very presence that was making everything so weird. She pulled her boots and raincoat back on and grabbed her purse from the sofa where she’d left it the evening before.

“Goodbye, Rumpel,” she said softly.

“Goodbye, Belle.”

Locking the shop door behind her as she left, Belle rested her forehead against the glass. It felt like a final barrier between herself and her best friend. Everything would be different between them now. Even if they managed to take time and eventually salvage their friendship from the rubble it was currently in, then it would never been the same again. She had seen to that. The memory of their night together would always been indelibly printed in her mind, and the knowledge that Gold meant so much more to her than she did to him would always be painful. But it shouldn’t be unbearable. She had been living with that knowledge for so long now that it was like a second skin to her. Nothing was ever unbearable, but at the same time there was really no use in her standing here looking into the place that she had exiled herself from. It was a Sunday and the shop would not be open all day; she’d look ridiculous standing here any longer.

Coming back from Gold’s the morning after a storm was never a walk of shame. The rest of the town were used to seeing her like that and whilst many people could not understand the friendship that the two misfits shared, they accepted it and there would be nothing strange in her current dishevelled appearance. Walking home from Gold’s with tears streaming down her face, however, that was a different matter. She quickly wiped her eyes on her sleeve, fishing for a tissue and blowing her nose to try and make herself look a little respectable. It was only two streets after all, she could make it without any comment.

“Hey Belle!”

Or perhaps not. She glanced over to the diner to see Ruby outside, righting chairs and tables and picnic benches where they had been overturned in the storm. Her friend waved happily, and Belle mustered the energy to smile and wave back. Ruby was her closest friend after Rumpel and as astute as they came, she really couldn’t afford to give her any cause for concern.

“Baconana waffles like usual?” she asked. Belle shook her head.

“Not today, Ruby. Thanks for the offer though.”

“Aw, really? I can get you extra bacon on the house, you know.”

In spite of her grim mood, Belle laughed. “No, I’m good thanks.”

“All right, suit yourself. No Gold this morning?”

“No. He’s got… things to do.” Like forgetting his best friend pounced on him unexpectedly.

“Ok. Well, I’ll see you around then. Got to get these set to rights or Granny will be coming after me with a frying pan.”

It was a running joke between them, but this time Belle couldn’t bring herself to show any mirth, and she continued on to her own home, the apartment she shared with Gaston. Letting herself in and looking around, she realised just how wrong it felt to be here. Her words to Gold last night could not have been truer. She did not want to marry Gaston. At the same time though, the entire point of her walking away from Gold was to give them some breathing space and let things get back to the way they were before. If she left Gaston now, after spending the night with Gold, then she didn’t know what kind of message that would send him. Certainly she wanted more. She had always wanted more with Gold, even before she had met Gaston. But to break off her engagement so soon after what had happened between them, it would give him the wrong impression, perhaps make him feel that he ought to jump into something that he wasn’t ready for, something that, given his manner this morning, he might not even want. The last thing that she wanted to do was make him feel in any way obliged to her. They might be able to salvage their friendship, but if they began a relationship on the wrong footing then that would be even worse. They’d never recover from that.

Belle sighed, kicking off her boots and hanging up her coat, and she went to take a shower, to wash away her grief and start life afresh. She could live with Gaston for another couple of months or so, and act when things were no longer so fresh and she’d had time to think clearly. Everything would be all right in the end. She hoped.


	3. Chapter 3

**Three**

Belle didn’t think that she had ever been so scared. Sitting on the edge of the bathtub with a white plastic stick clutched in her hand and her heart beating painfully in her mouth, she bit down on her tongue, closing her eyes and wishing that it would all go away. Gaston was out, he’d gone hunting with Keith and he wouldn’t be back till late in the evening, probably half-cut from stopping off at the Rabbit Hole on the way home. It was now or never; there was no way that she’d be able to do this with Gaston in the house and no way she’d be able to do it at the library. She wanted the comfort and privacy of home in case it all went south, not some cramped impersonal cubicle. She’d half-considered getting back into her shut up apartment above the library, but it seemed a bit of a stretch to get the water turned back on just so that she could wee on a stick and wait in awful silence for the results. Sure, there was the vain hope that everything was all right and there was no need for her to worry at all, that it was just something she’d eaten or… whatever lie she was feeding herself to try and make herself feel better and not freak out.

The fact remained that she was late. Her period hadn’t shown up ten days after it was meant to and being on the Pill meant that she was regular as clockwork. One day she might have understood. Ten were cause for concern. Added to the nausea she’d been feeling constantly for the past week, and the writing was on the wall, let alone on the pregnancy test. The timer on her phone beeped. Crunch time.

Belle was not in the slightest bit surprised to see the plus sign in the window. In a way it was a relief, firstly that her worries had not been unfounded and were now confirmed and secondly because if she wasn’t pregnant then there was something else significantly wrong with her. But despite the relief that she felt, there was a gnawing sensation creeping in the pit of her stomach that had nothing to do with her present condition. She was on the Pill. She wasn’t supposed to be able to get pregnant. Added to that, during the last few weeks, she’d been keeping Gaston at arm’s length, citing tiredness and headaches and definitely not bringing up the fact that she’d slept with her best friend whilst he’d been away for the weekend. So many lies, all piling up on top of each other, and Belle was feeling suffocated by them all. She was in too deep now though, and she glanced again at the pregnancy test. Way too deep. What the hell was she supposed to do now? How had this even happened? She threw the test into the sink, slipping off the rim of the tub and sliding down the side until she was sitting on the floor, curled up tight into a ball, resting her head on her knees, and she let the tears fall. She was pregnant, she was allowed to be emotional.

Ordinarily her first instinct would have been to call Gold, to ask his advice on what to do next, but that was out of the question. They had not spoken as friends since that fateful night, Belle respecting his need for space and just exchanging the usual pleasantries with him in passing, as if they were strangers who barely knew each other rather than friends who knew most of each other’s deepest and darkest secrets and who had seen each other naked. Belle remembered the feel of his hands on her and closed her eyes, sinking into the memory of his touch before ice flooded her veins. They hadn’t used a condom. She’d been so sure of her Pill and they’d gone bareback.

Oh God, the baby was going to be his. She counted backwards, looking at the calendar on her phone and working out how many weeks it had been, grabbing her Pill blister pack and looking at the punched out holes in it, fishing the empty packs out of the waste bin and spreading them out frantically on the floor then going to grab her handbag and emptying its contents out there with them.

A single tiny pill rolled out of the folds of her handbag lining and Belle swore, pressing her hands over her face and trying to work out what the hell to do now. She’d skipped her pill the night she’d slept with Gold and she hadn’t even realised. She’d seen the correct number punched out the next day and she’d happily assumed that everything was all right. Now that she thought back though, it was painfully clear that she’d not taken it. She’d missed it just once, and it was that one day that had caused all this. God she was in trouble, and she gave a snort of laughter at her choice of words. She’d always laughed when reading old novels when the unwed pregnant heroines were referred to as being in trouble. She’d never really thought of it in that way before now, but oh boy, she was in trouble, and she had no idea who to turn to. She couldn’t go to Gold, what on earth would she say? Hey, you know we slept together and I know you’re trying very hard to forget that fact but guess what? We made a baby. Gaston was out of the question too. She wasn’t sure if he’d work out that it wasn’t his, but she still couldn’t tell him in all good faith.

Rational thought was slow to come, but she reached it in the end. She needed to see a doctor first. She needed to be sure that her hypothesis was correct; there was no use in getting in a complete state about something that might not even be true. Once that was done and she had concrete facts, then she could work out what the hell to do next. Carefully, and with a calmness that two minutes ago she didn’t think that she would ever possess again, Belle cleared up the debris on the bathroom floor and tidied up her purse, then rinsed off the pregnancy test and wrapping it in tissue, put it into her purse to dispose of elsewhere. Gaston was not the type to pay any attention to what was in the garbage, but she really didn’t want him to notice the positive test and ask her about it. Having a baby was not something that they had ever discussed during their relationship so far and Belle had worked on the principle that they would leave off such discussions about starting a family until nearer the time. Neither of them were ready for it now. Well, she definitely wasn’t ready and she was the one who was actually going to have a baby.

For a brief moment she considered just getting an abortion as soon as possible. No-one would be any the wiser. She wouldn’t need to tell anyone. She could forget that it had happened. Go to the hospital for a couple of days, take a couple of pills… She was sure that she could spin some kind of excuse that Gaston would believe, he knew how sick she’d been feeling these past couple of days after all.

No. No matter who the father of this child was and how the baby had come to be, they deserved to know about its existence at least, and have some kind of input in what happened next. And the thought of heaping more lies on top of all the ones that she was already spouting did not sit well in her gut. This was no longer something that she could keep running away from. The shock of discovering that she was pregnant – or at least the grim and cold reality of having her suspicions confirmed to be right – had told her one thing very clearly. No matter what happened, no matter whether she kept the baby or not, she knew that it was time to end her relationship with Gaston. He deserved better than the falsehoods she was giving him, and she couldn’t stand to live with so many lies eating her up any more. It was not going to be pretty, but it had to be done, and she knew that she would feel better for having done it and cleared the air.

Belle finally left the bathroom, determination in her stance as she set out to face some home truths, and she called the hospital to make an appointment at the gynaecology clinic.

X

“I brought doughnuts just as you asked and I also brought wine. It sounded like you might need it.” Ruby bounced into the living room of the private area of the bed and breakfast. Belle gave the bottle a rueful smile. When she’d called Ruby asking if they could have a girls’ night in at her place, she had known that her friend would supply alcohol, but she hadn’t wanted to warn her against it over the phone, not wanting to get into the details of why during that conversation. Now she had the entire evening to spill her guts and ask her friend’s advice on what to do next.

Her appointment at the hospital had only served to confirm what she had already suspected for herself. She was six weeks pregnant and the timing matched up perfectly to the night she had spent with Rumpel. She waited for Ruby to get comfortable on the sofa and pour a glass, shaking her head when she pushed the red wine towards her.

“No thanks.”

“Come on, Belle, it’s not like you need to drive anywhere. I hate to say it, honey, but you’ve been looking ghastly these past couple of weeks. Are you feeling ok?”

Belle nodded. She wasn’t feeling ok at all, but she wasn’t ill in the sense that Ruby thought she was ill.

“I’d dearly love a glass of cabernet sauvignon right now Ruby, but I can’t.”

Ruby paused with the bottle tipping over the empty glass, ready to pour, and she stared at Belle for a long time before carefully placing the bottle on the coffee table and shoving the cork back in the top before returning her attention to her friend.

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant.”

Belle nodded, and Ruby squealed, throwing her arms around her friend.

“That’s so fantastic! Oh Belle, that’s amazing! You know Granny’s going to go nuts when you tell her, right? She’ll be offering you all kinds of bits of advice, don’t take any of it, it always sounds suspect to me…” she trailed off as Belle shook her head violently.

“Please don’t tell Granny,” she pleaded. “Please don’t tell anyone. You’re the only person that knows other than the doc because I really don’t know who else to go to.”

Ruby’s face fell. “Shit, you’re really not happy about this, are you? Oh Belle, I’m so sorry, me and my big mouth. I’m so sorry.” She wrapped Belle up in a hug again, stroking her back, and Belle felt the tears welling in her eyes. She’d cried so much over the past couple of days, excusing herself from the library front desk to go and weep in the office more than a few times. She felt so lost and helpless, and letting it all out to a friend at long last was cathartic.

“So what’s up, love?” Ruby murmured. “I’m guessing that this definitely wasn’t planned.”

“No, it’s an accident. We never had any plans for kids at all and to be honest, I’ve been wanting to break it off with Gaston for weeks now. Now this has happened and I know that I’m definitely making the right decision. I just don’t know what to do about the baby.”

“Well, you’re going to have to tell Gaston,” Ruby said. “I think you owe him that much. And you know, if you’ve been going through a rough patch then this might be what brings you together again. I mean, if you choose to have it, of course. But he does need to know.”

Belle shook her head. “That’s the problem, though, Ruby,” she mumbled against her friend’s shoulder.

“Belle, honey, you’re scaring me a bit now,” Ruby said, and Belle finally looked up at her, grabbing a tissue and wiping her eyes.

“Nothing I say will leave this room, right?”

“Of course not. What kind of a friend do you take me for? I know I love my gossip I’m not Leroy. Nothing’s safe with him. But you’re my friend and you’re safe with me.” She held up her little finger. “Pinky promise.”

Belle gave a snort of laughter as she hooked her little finger into Ruby’s. “Anyone would think we were eight years old, not twenty-eight.”

“It always helps to be young at heart,” Ruby said sagely. “Now, tell me what’s going on.”

Belle took a deep breath. She was going to have to tell someone, and all things considered, that someone was going to have to be Ruby.

“It’s not Gaston’s baby,” she said.

Four little words, so simple, and yet giving voice to them had cleared such a weight off her mind. The self-deception that she had been living under for the past few days had gone, her secret out in the open.

Ruby’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Gaston isn’t the father.”

“What do you mean? I mean, are you sure? How do you know? I thought you were on the Pill anyway?”

“Ruby, please calm down, this is awful enough as it is without an interrogation,” Belle pleaded.

“I’m sorry, it’s just when your friend tells you that she’s having a baby that isn’t her fiance’s it does kind of knock you for six a little bit.” She paused and reached across to take Belle’s hand. “Please don’t think I’m judging you, I’m just a little bit surprised, that’s all. I’ve got your back, no matter what happens, and if you don’t want to tell me how this all came about, then that’s ok. Your secret’s safe with me and I’m here for you and your little one, and I’m with you one hundred per cent no matter what you decide to do.” She held up their joint hands. “I’ll hold your hand through whatever it takes, you hear me?”

Belle managed a watery smile. “Thanks, Ruby. That really means a lot.”

“Here.” Ruby held out the bag of doughnuts. “You definitely need one of these before you do anything else.”

Belle grabbed a bear claw, taking a large bite, but the dough cloyed in her mouth and she had to force herself to swallow it, and she laid it back in its paper on the table. Although Ruby had said that she didn’t need to tell her everything, the fact that she had told her one thing meant that the floodgates had been opened somewhat, and Belle needed to get the rest of the tale off her chest. If Ruby was going to help her make a decision about her future and the future of her baby, then she needed the full picture.

“I slept with Gold,” she said quietly. “About six weeks ago, the night of the big storm. I went over to his like I normally do, and it just… happened.”

“Is that why you’ve been acting so aloof towards him lately?” Ruby asked. “I’d noticed but I didn’t like to say anything. Your relationship with him has always been so private, you know.”

Belle nodded. “Honestly, Ruby, I’ve been half in love with him for years. And we were drinking wine and watching _Casablanca_ , and I was thinking about love, and I told him that I didn’t want to marry Gaston anymore and I thought I was making a terrible mistake in staying with him. Which I am, I can definitely see that now.”

“All right, we’ll get back to Gaston in a minute,” Ruby said. “Go on.”

“Well, Gold was obviously trying to make me feel better, he was so sweet, and well, I kissed him. And one thing led to another which led to another which led to his bed. And at the time, I knew that it was a really bad idea, but I really didn’t care because…” She broke off, blushing, not wanting to talk about Gold’s sexual prowess behind his back but at the same time remembering his tongue and fingers on her. She saw Ruby give a smirk.

“Oh, now I have to know,” her friend chuckled. “I have always wondered about him, you know. All that spinning he does, he really ought to know how to use his fingers with finesse.”

Belle nodded. “He really does. It was…”

It was wonderful. One of the best nights of her life. The fallout from it notwithstanding, Belle couldn’t regret the beautiful night that he’d given her.

“But no matter how good it is at the time, there’s always a morning after,” Ruby finished for her. “I saw you that morning, you weren’t looking too good. Did you fight, or what?”

“No, we didn’t fight. It was just so awkward. Gold was so uncomfortable and that made me uncomfortable too. I’d misjudged his feelings, I think. He wanted to make me feel better, which he did, but he really doesn’t see me in that way. He was doing me a favour, really, nothing more, and I guess I expected him to react to my jumping on him with just the same emotions as I had. But he didn’t. He still just saw me as a friend, but now it’s all so… strange. We agreed to give each other some space to work through all the emotions, but my word, Ruby, I miss him so much. And now I have to face him again and despite us both having done our best to put that night to the back of our minds, I’m going to have to dredge it all up again and tell him.”

Ruby nodded. “You do need to tell him.”

Belle shrugged. “How can I, Ruby? It’s my fault. He never asked for this. All he wanted was to make me feel better about everything, and because I pretty much jumped on him and tore his clothes off, sex was the way he did it. Now he’s got a baby out of it.”

“Belle, love, I know you like to blame yourself, but it takes two people to make a baby and Gold is the second person involved in making this one.”

“We didn’t use a condom because I reassured him that I was on the Pill, on the one evening that I forgot to take the bloody thing,” Belle snapped. “I think it’s my fault.”

“These things happen.” Ruby wrapped an arm around her friend. “These things are horrible, but they happen. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t blame anyone else for that matter. Just blame fate because she’s a bitch.”

They sat in silence for a while, the wine still undrunk on the coffee table between them.

“You do have to tell him though,” Ruby said eventually. “I know you don’t want to, but he has to know.”

“He’s already got an adult son, Ruby, I can’t ask him to be involved in raising another child from infancy. And fuck! Neal! What the hell is he going to say about all this? He just knows me as his dad’s friend, I babysat him for crying out loud, I mean, when he gets back from college and finds out I slept with his father and got pregnant…”

“Belle, calm down. Let’s take this one step at a time. You need to tell Gold, but you don’t need to get him involved. You don’t need his permission to take whatever next step you choose to take; it’s your body and your decision, but you need to tell him what’s happened and at least let him talk, even if you don’t listen. I’ll be right there with you if you need me.”

Belle shook her head. “You make it sound like he’s going to deck me one.”

Ruby snorted. “I know Gold well enough to know that he’d never hurt a fly and much less lay a finger on you. But having moral support does not equate to having a bodyguard. Once you’ve told him, you can decide where to go from there.” She paused. “Tell me honestly, your gut instinct – do you want to keep it?”

Belle gave a long sigh. After the first initial shock, when she had been making plans and contingency plans and working out what to do, those plans had always involved her keeping the baby. Even though she and Gaston had never discussed having children, it was something that she knew she wanted to do. She wanted to be a mother. She just hadn’t anticipated becoming one so suddenly. If she and Gaston had been in a more stable place and if the baby was his, she would be happy at her pregnancy. Likewise, if her night with Gold had not ended the way it had done and they had continued to be friends and more than friends, then she would have been happy. It was only the circumstances that were making her so unsure.

“Yes,” she said. “Yes. I want to keep it.”

She was going to be a single mother, but she was going to be a mother.

Belle sighed, leaning into the strength of Ruby’s shoulder. There was so much that she needed to do and so many awkward conversations to be had. The first thing to do was to work out just how she was going to have those conversations, and in what order. She had to get her life in gear; there was someone else depending on her to do so now.


	4. Chapter 4

Breaking up with Gaston was horribly easy, and Belle felt a creeping, gnawing guilt throughout their frank conversation. It should not have been this easy. There should have been shouting and screaming and explosions. Gaston was so calm about the whole thing, although she could see how much it was hurting him to have the discussion. She felt that she didn’t deserve such kindness, and a part of her thought that she ought to tell him about the pregnancy and about her night with Gold, but she kept quiet. Whilst she was certain that she deserved his hatred for the way that she had betrayed him, she wanted to keep Gold out of it; he wasn’t to blame for the situation that they had found themselves in. Besides, Belle told herself rationally. This decision had been a long time coming, since before that fateful night. It was only the fateful night in question that had kept her holding on for so long, scared of rocking the boat when so much of the rest of her life was still up in the air.

“I’m sad that it didn’t work out,” Gaston said as she handed the engagement ring back to him. “But honestly, Belle, I’m not exactly surprised that it’s come to this. Something’s been different for months now. You’ve been so distant, especially these past few weeks.” Belle felt a stab of guilt again. “But ever since the proposal really. Something’s changed.”

Belle shook her head sadly. “I never should have said yes in the first place,” she said. “I shouldn’t have said yes unless I was absolutely sure, and I wasn’t absolutely sure, and now…” She had no idea what to say without launching into the entire story. He would find out eventually. Storybrooke was a small town and news got around; people were going to notice that the librarian was pregnant even if Ruby never told another living soul and Belle kept the matter to herself. But right now, she didn’t want him to think that she was leaving him because of the baby. It wasn’t entirely true. She was leaving him _now_ because of the baby, but the separation was inevitable even before it came to this. It was only the timing that was influenced. She opened her mouth to say something. Honesty was the best policy after all, and after so many weeks of excuses and half-truths, surely it was best to be honest here at the very end.

In the end, she said nothing about it. Their relationship was over, and although her one night stand with Rumpel had definitely been a factor in that, it wasn’t the only reason. It wasn’t as if she was going to be leaving him for another man. Getting her apartment above the library back had been a comparatively easy task, and in spite of everything Belle was looking forward to making it ready for the new arrival in eight months’ time. Having made her decisions, she felt a lot lighter and more confident in her long term plan. She was going to have a baby, and in the end it was all going to be ok. She just had to get to the having the baby stage first, and all of the conflict and emotions that was going to bring. She had yet to talk to Rumpel about the whole thing; she couldn’t find the strength or the right words to say exactly what it was that she wanted to say. How did you inform someone that you were having their child but phrase it in a way that was purely informational with no emotions involved? Especially when there _were_ emotions involved, on her side at least.

“I’m so sorry,” she said to Gaston. “I should never have let it get this far. I guess… I don’t know. I thought my feelings would change, or something like that. I thought it was just cold feet. You’re a lovely guy, Gaston, and as clichéd as it sounds, it’s not you, it’s me.”

“I know.” Gaston gave a huff of laughter. “I mean, I like to think that if it was something I was doing that could be fixed, you would have told me.”

“It wasn’t. We just don’t feel the same way about each other, and I can’t stay in a relationship where I know I’m not putting in as much feeling and work as you are. You deserve better than that, and that ring deserves to go to someone who knows that they’re on the same page as you.”

Gaston smiled. “Thanks, Belle.”

It was so calm, so painless, he’d been so understanding, and when Belle got back to her apartment over the library that evening, she couldn’t help but curl up in her bed and cry herself dry. In admitting where the relationship had gone wrong and forcing herself to look honestly at why they had fallen apart, she was also forcing herself to look at the reasons why she had got together with Gaston in the first place. His friends had all joked that she’d simply been playing hard to get, that he’d asked her out so many times and gradually he’d just worn down her aloof façade by sheer persistence, but this was not entirely true. Belle had to face facts. She’d starting going out with Gaston as a second choice, and in the back of her mind, in her subconscious, he had always been her second choice. She had finally given up all hope of her first choice and so she’d gone with Gaston, because he was handsome and he liked her and she did fancy him, even though he really wasn’t her type at all – the jock, the athlete, brawn over brains. The fact was, once she had said yes to his proposal, she had realised just what it was that she was doing, just what it was that she was settling for. He was a nice enough man, but she was committing the rest of her life to a relationship that had been a rebound from an intense first relationship that had never even happened. He had been her way of getting over Gold, but as time had gone on, not only had she realised that she really wasn’t yet over Gold, but that, obviously, they just didn’t see their relationship in the same way. He deserved to be somebody’s first choice, as did everyone. Nobody should settle for second best and nobody should settle to _be_ second best, especially when they didn’t know it.

And that brought her mind full circle back to Gold. In time perhaps she would find someone to whom she didn’t compare her friend and find them wanting. She’d find someone whom she would chose over Gold, she’d find another first choice. But not now, and not in Storybrooke, and not whilst she was expecting a baby. Now was not the time to be thinking of love and romance. There was still a tough journey ahead of her, and although she had Ruby’s support, it was still a terrifying thought at times. She pressed a hand over her abdomen, still flat for the moment. She had no qualms about raising a child by herself; she wasn’t one of those people who insisted that a child needed two parents in order to be a well-rounded individual. She had been brought up by her dad alone from the age of six; Gold had been a single father since Neal was three. She and Neal had both turned out all right and she had the utmost respect for both Gold and her father for the job that they’d done in raising their kids. She knew that she could do it, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t still be scared about it. And that didn’t mean she couldn’t be scared about telling the truth to Gold.

She wasn’t scared of his reaction per se. He always knew the right thing to say no matter what kind of bombshell she dropped on him; it was one of the things that she loved about him the most. He would always spare her feelings if he could, and tell her what she needed to hear if he could not. She knew that whatever he said, he would protect her feelings. She was more afraid of what he would be feeling on the inside that he wouldn’t let her see. She knew that he’d feel guilty about the whole thing, and she wished that she knew how to make him believe that she didn’t for a moment regret their night together or the fact that it had resulted in this unplanned pregnancy, but at the same time reassure him that she didn’t expect anything of him, especially now that she was living alone again. She didn’t want him to feel obligated, and she didn’t want him to feel guilty, and she didn’t know how she was going to get that message across. Maybe she could write him a letter; she’d always been able to express herself better in the written word than the spoken, but she dismissed that idea out of hand. That was the coward’s way out, and if there was one thing that Belle had always prided herself on, it was her ability to be brave when the time called for it. She despised the way she had hidden away for these past weeks, refusing to confront the situation under the excuse of giving Gold space. No more of that. Tomorrow she would do the brave thing, and bravery would follow. It was time to talk to Gold, and see what she could salvage from the wreckage of their friendship.

X

Belle had not counted on the Storybrooke gossip mill as part of her plans for telling Gold about her baby. She had not expected Gaston to keep quiet about the fact that they had broken up and she was not at all surprised that he had drowned his sorrows in the Rabbit Hole the previous evening. When she entered the diner for a double stack of baconana waffles, though, and everyone in the place looked at her, all the patrons falling into a hush as she walked in the door and then hurriedly returning to their conversations and trying to pretend that they hadn’t all been talking about her, then she knew that whatever he might have said to his friends was now being twisted out of all proportion and was flying around the town faster than she could anticipate. Whatever rumours were circulating, some of them were bound to get back to Gold sooner or later. Whilst he wasn’t the most popular person in the town and his shop saw just small but steady business, he wasn’t completely cut off from the rest of Storybrooke. He’d notice that something was up. She slipped onto a stool at the counter, ignoring the looks. It was a small town and her engagement had been big news at the time; everyone had wanted a piece of her then, wanting to admire her ring or ask about what plans she had for the wedding, and they were all very disappointed when she’d said that there were no plans, that they’d decided to get married but at some nebulous date in the future, a date that she had subconsciously kept putting off. Now that she’d broken off the engagement, she was getting even more attention than she had before. When people got engaged, the reason was simple – they loved each other and wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. When people stopped being engaged, well, there were many more reasons to choose from and they were all a lot more interesting.

Ruby came over to take her order and glared at the group of women who were sitting a little way along the bar and were making absolutely no attempt to hide the fact that they were trying to listen in on her and Belle’s conversation.

“They’ll find something more interesting to talk about soon enough,” she muttered through her teeth. “They stopped talking about Ella and Ursula getting married as soon as Gwen King divorced Arthur for intolerable cruelty and went to live in Alaska with Lance. You’ll be old news before you know it.”

Belle raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure that was meant to make me feel better, Ruby, but right now I’m not feeling it.”

“Cheer up. I’ll get you extra bacon. Coffee?”

Belle shook her head. “Tea. Peppermint.” She was starving hungry from skipping meals due to morning sickness, but she wanted to be able to ward off the nausea if it returned with a vengeance from the smells in the diner. Seeing that they weren’t going to get anything out of Ruby, the women returned to their conversation and Belle could almost ignore them until Ruby brought over her plate.

“Well well.”

The snide voice belonged to Zelena West, and Belle sighed. Zelena _was_ the Storybrooke rumour mill. Any whiff of scandal that came out, it could almost always be traced back to Zelena as the source. Where she got her information from was anybody’s guess, but her predictions were always uncanny and as a result everyone in town believed her.

“I see that we aren’t grieving the end of an engagement too much,” she said, eyeing Belle’s double waffle stack, piled high with bacon and fresh banana. “Glad to see that you were definitely the one to end it. I hated to think of you all alone in your little flat with only Haagen-Daaz for company. It’s always nice to see a girl with a healthy appetite bouncing back after a break up. A very healthy appetite.” Zelena’s smile was cruel as she leaned on the counter beside Belle.

“Zelena, go away,” she said. “You’re putting me off my delicious waffles.”

“I’m sorry, I’m just honestly amazed that someone so tiny can put away so much food,” Zelena said. “Unless, of course, you’re eating for two there.”

The diner went silent again, and Belle closed her eyes.

“Zelena, go away.”

She just received a little laugh in return.

“You are, aren’t you? That’s why you’ve been looking so ill lately.”

“Zelena, this is none of your damn business. Please go away and leave me in peace to eat my breakfast.”

“Bad timing though, isn’t it? Leaving your babydaddy before the wedding. If I were you I’d have got that ring quicker.”

“Zelena, I don’t know what you’re talking about and I swear to god that if you don’t shut up and leave me alone then I will pour this tea down your front,” Belle snapped.

“Touchy, touchy.” Nevertheless, Zelena backed away out of tea pouring range.

“Is there a problem here?” Ruby asked lightly. “Can I get you anything, Ms West?”

“No, I was just offering some friendly advice. You know, girl talk.”

“Yes, I see. Well, since you’ve succeeded in putting Belle off her food, maybe you’d like to take your friendly advice elsewhere and leave it to her actual friends, and stop poking your nose in where it isn’t wanted.”

Zelena’s eyes narrowed. “Need I remind you that I am a paying customer here?”

Ruby smiled sweetly. “I’m sure we won’t miss your custom, Ms West.”

Zelena flounced out with a huff and Ruby looked around the rest of the diner, who were all still unashamedly transfixed by the exchange that had been going on at the counter.

“Don’t you all have breakfasts to be eating?” she snapped.

The customers went back to their meals, abashed, and Belle pushed the waffles away from her, her stomach churning at the thought of the confrontation that had just occurred. Even though she hadn’t said anything herself, Zelena’s suspicions of her pregnancy would be all over the town by lunchtime. If breaking off her engagement hadn’t been enough to get the gossips going, then breaking off her engagement despite having a baby definitely would. She had not intended for it all to happen so fast. Why the hell had Zelena had to be in the diner this morning?

“Belle, honey, you’ve got to eat,” Ruby wheedled, pushing the plate back towards her. “Please have something. Just the eat the banana to start, I’ll happily help you with the bacon.”

“Ruby!” Granny was calling from the pass where plates were beginning to stack up ready for service, and the younger girl sighed.

“I’ll be back in a bit, ok, and I want to see some food gone from that plate.” She lowered her voice so as not to be overheard by the others in the diner. “I know you don’t want to think about it right now, but Baby needs food, all right? Even if you don’t want it, they need it.”

Belle nodded and poked at a slice of banana with her fork as Ruby left her to go and do her job. She was feeling sick again and didn’t want to open her mouth for fear of throwing up, but rushing to the bathroom would only serve to fuel the diner’s already raging suspicions. She took a tiny sip of tea. At least one thing was certain; she couldn’t put off going to see Rum any longer. With any luck she could reach him before the rumours did and set the record straight before the embellishments got out of proportion.

A hand pulled the plate away from her.

“Come on, love. You need some privacy.” Granny placed a hand on her shoulder, taking her plate and leading her through into the back of the diner, away from the other customers. Whilst this was only going to add fuel to the conversations that were already going on outside, not having the weight of everyone’s eyes on her did make it a little easier to eat, and here in the back she could take as much time over her plate as she liked, eventually managing to eat the waffles and the banana. She left the bacon for Ruby, not wanting to make her stomach complain too much. She sighed. Small towns and small minds. It was a mark of just how bad things were when ordinary people couldn’t even eat their breakfast in peace. Even if she managed to get through today somehow, there were still eight months of her pregnancy and whispers behind her back to go, and however many years she stayed in Storybrooke after that, the question of parentage would never die.

She wondered if anyone would suspect Gold. They spent enough time together, that wasn’t up for doubt, but even before she’d begun her relationship with Gaston, no-one had ever said anything about her and Gold being together, even when she’d been babysitting Neal. They’d all expressed private incredulity that someone like her would ever be interested in someone like him in that way – he was old, he had a limp, he had a child only ten years younger than her – and had dismissed it as impossible. God, they were in for a shock. Still, before anyone else could start making noise about Gold fathering her child, she needed to tell him herself. If he’d heard that she was pregnant then he must have suspicions; he’d have to be stupid not to consider the possibility and Gold wasn’t stupid.

She couldn’t put it off any longer. It was time to tell him.


	5. Chapter 5

Belle grabbed her purse and made her way out of the diner through the kitchen entrance. Ruby dashed out and gave her a quick hug for luck, and she set off to walk the short distance over to Gold’s shop. It was open, which was good. She didn’t feel comfortable letting herself in any more, not when she’d agreed that he needed space and they ought not to see each other for a while. She had almost given the key back, but that would have entailed actually talking to him and acknowledging what had happened between them. The front of the shop was empty but she could hear the whirring of the wheel in the background. 

“Hello?” she called, announcing herself. She didn’t ask if there was anyone there, because she knew there was. Instead, she listened to the wheel come to a stop, and then the triple tap of his feet and his cane. He emerged through the curtain, and smiled when he saw her. 

“Belle.” 

It was such a simple greeting, just her name, a name that so many other people had said, but there was something in the way he said it that wrapped Belle up like a hug and made her feel safe, protected. She wanted to latch on to that safety, to throw her arms around him and not let go, for them to hide away in the shop here away from the viciousness on the streets outside. 

“I, erm, I left Gaston,” she began, and immediately cursed herself because of course that was the right thing to say first, rather than hello, how are you, how’s Neal, what have you been up to whilst we’ve been avoiding each other, I missed you. “I thought you might have heard, so I thought I’d get that out there first. How are you?”

And now she was babbling. This was going so well. 

“The rumour had reached me, yes,” Gold replied quietly, and the corner of his mouth turned up in a little smile before he fell back into a melancholy aspect. “I’m very sorry that it didn’t work out between you two.”

“It’s all right,” Belle said. “Some things just aren’t made to last.”

“Belle, if this break up is because of what I did, I can only say how truly sorry I am.”

Belle wracked her brains, trying to work out what it was that he might have done, realised that he was probably talking about sleeping with her, and she shook her head. 

“No, no, I was already thinking about it before then.” She paused. “I told you that, remember? I told you that I didn’t want to get married anymore.”

He nodded. “Yes, you did.”

God, this was so awkward. There was a reason why they said never to sleep with your best friends. She was going to join a convent, it was clearly the only way to get her thinking sensibly. Remove all men from the picture. But then again, she’d miss Gold even more than she already did if that were the case.

“Rumpel… Can we talk?” she asked. “I mean, in private. Because I think some more rumours just started and I need to set the record straight with you.”

“Of course.” Gold pulled the curtain to the back room aside and gestured for her to go through. “Please make yourself at home. I’ll put some tea on.”

For a moment, Belle wondered if perhaps the new information had already reached him. He was acting so guarded with her, and she couldn’t understand it. It almost seemed like he was afraid of something and she wished that she had an idea of what it was so that she could reassure him. As it was, all she could do was say her piece. She sat down at on the stool beside the spinning wheel bench as she waited for him to make the tea, and she wondered for the umpteenth time since she woke up how on earth she was going to approach this. 

X

Gold tried to draw out making the tea for as long as he possibly could. When he’d heard that Belle had left Gaston, he’d tried to console himself with that little insight she’d shared with him before, when she had told him that she no longer wanted to marry Gaston and that she’d been second-guessing her decision from the beginning. He could at least kid himself into thinking that his intervention had not been the cause of their relationship going south. The fact that he hadn’t had Gaston storming into the shop and smacking him around the head with his own cane was probably testament to the fact that Belle hadn’t told him what had happened, and he cringed at how relieved that thought made him. God, he was a coward and he really shouldn’t have been so concerned with his own self-preservation when Belle’s life was falling apart around her ears. She’d said that the end of her engagement had nothing to do with him and he half-believed her. There was something else though. What fresh poison was the town spreading now? Considering Belle’s presence here at this moment when she had been wisely keeping her distance from him for so long, it was obviously something to do with him. Did the town think that she had left Gaston for him? That would be awful. Belle was a good friend – well, she had been until he’d completely ruined their friendship – and the town accepted that with disbelief, but for her to be tied to his name in that way, well, she shouldn’t have to put up with that. Maybe she thought that the rumours had given him some kind of false hope that they could be together now that Gaston was out of the picture and she was here to shut down that notion before it took hold. 

He couldn’t put off talking to her any longer and he brought over the mugs of tea, sitting down on the spinning wheel bench. He should really have moved the stool further away and put some distance between them but it had sat there since the last time she had kept him company whilst he span, and he hadn’t had the heart to move it, telling himself that it was a useful footstool but in reality just imagining her sitting there like she had done before, neither of them speaking but both of them just watching the wheel turn, lost in their own memories and happy in their easy companionship. 

She was so close to him now, he could smell her perfume. She hadn’t been this close to him since that night, the night it all went so very right and so very wrong. Seeing her face properly for the first time in six weeks, he could see how pale she had become, drawn and anxious-looking. Ill. He had done that to her, he thought bitterly. He held out the mug of tea and she accepted it with a grateful smile, curling her hands around the china and blowing on the surface to cool it. 

“You said that there was another rumour,” he said presently. As nice as it was to sit with Belle and enjoy tea again, he knew that this was not a social call and she would not be here unless she absolutely had to be. She looked awkward, out of place, and she very obviously wanted to be anywhere else. He could not hoard her company and make her uncomfortable. 

“Yes.” She took a sip of the tea and coughed when it turned out to be too hot. “Yes. Except, this rumour is actually true.”

Gold raised an eyebrow. His suspicions were evidently wrong then and he was not being linked to the end of Belle and Gaston’s engagement. He was glad of that, but now even more worried as to what might be being spread around the town.

Belle took a deep breath. “People are probably going to start saying that I’m pregnant,” she said. “And it is true. I am.”

Gold stopped with his mug halfway to his lips. The fact that Belle was pregnant was one thing. The fact that Belle was pregnant and was sitting here in his shop telling him this was quite another. She would only be here if he was the father. 

Well… Fuck. If he hadn’t already completely ruined her life before, then he had definitely done it now. God, how could he have been so stupid? So selfish? The one thing in his life that had been pure and beautiful and he’d ruined it. There was no hope for their friendship now.  He’d accepted that they needed some time apart to allow her to get her thoughts in order and he had duly left her alone, not wanting to remind her of what had happened any more than necessary, but he had hoped that in time he could earn her trust again. That was never going to happen now. He’d well and truly fucked up. She was going to be reminded of him and their night together every time she looked at their child. Well, perhaps not. He didn’t want to ask the question but he knew it had to be asked, and he put his mug down on the bench before running his hands through his hair, trying to mask the fact that they were shaking uncontrollably. 

“Belle, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

Belle shook her head. “I’m not,” she murmured. 

“Have you decided what you’re going to do?” he asked. 

“I’m keeping it. I want to be a mum. I know the circumstances aren’t exactly what I’d always imagined them to be, but love’s the most important thing, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it is.” 

Gold didn’t know what else to say. Of course she wasn’t in the circumstances she’d imagined for having a baby. No doubt she’d imagined being married with a house and a garden, not single with an apartment above the library. And she definitely hadn’t imagined having his baby. To think, he had dreamed about this so many times.  Belle in his arms, their child growing snug in her belly. He had wanted so badly for them to be a family and now, in the most perverse fashion, his dreams were coming true and turning into nightmares before his very eyes. 

There was nothing he could do to make Belle’s circumstances any different, nothing he could do to make them into the ones that she wanted for having a child. He couldn’t go back and change the past and tell himself to get a grip and just not touch her, however much he wanted to go and cut his past self’s balls off and permanently stop him from being able to do this kind of thing. All he could do was try to make the process as painless as possible for her. She deserved that much from him. And if she said that she wanted nothing more to do with him and that he would never lay eyes on this child, then he would accept that with good grace. After what he’d done, it was nothing short of the punishment he deserved. 

“Whatever you need, Belle, just say the word. I’m here for you, no matter what.” Not that she’d want his help, but he had to offer it. 

Belle shook her head. 

“I don’t expect anything from you, Rumpel,” she said softly. “I didn’t come here to demand child support or wrangle parental rights. I just knew that you needed to know, and that if you found out about the baby from the horse’s mouth then you would wonder, and you deserve to know the truth. I’ve got this. I can handle it.”

Even though he had been expecting them, the words still cut like a knife and Gold nodded. 

“I understand. You’re the most capable person I know and I don’t doubt for a moment that you can do this however you choose. You’re going to be a great mum.”

Belle placed a hand on her stomach, looking down fondly. “I really hope so.”

They fell into silence then. There was so much more left to say hanging in the air, but there was no way that he could say it. Belle had told him that she was going to go it alone, that she didn’t want his help, and he had to respect that. She might be able to live with her child as a reminder of their night together but that didn’t mean she needed him hanging around as another one. At least he would still see her around, see her getting bigger and be able to watch his baby grow up from afar. A terrible thought sent ice trickling down his spine; he was going to have to tell Neal. Obviously Neal would notice that Belle was no longer with Gaston and was going to have a baby when he next came home from college. He would ask what had happened, and it would all come out. Neal loved Belle, they got on so well, and he knew that she’d sent him some care packages whilst he’d been away at college. Maybe she had already told him, but he thought that he would have received at the very least an angry phone call asking him what the hell he was playing at, so he worked on the principle that he didn’t yet know. God, his son was going to kill him. He’d certainly never speak to him again, and he would have lost the two people he loved most in the world thanks to one stupid, lust-fuelled decision. 

“I know that everyone’s going to be talking about me soon,” Belle began to say again, and Gold dragged himself out of his destructive spiral of thought to listen to her. “Hell, they’re already talking about me. But no-one knows it’s you. Well, Ruby does. I had to tell someone, it was eating me up inside. But it’s just you, me and her, and I think it would be best to keep it that way.”

“Of course.” There was no need for her to protect him like that, but he could appreciate her not wanting the town to know that they’d slept together. It wasn’t exactly a stellar endorsement, and he could only imagine the backlash that she would receive. If this impacted her relationship with her baby then he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself, and anything they could do to prevent that happening would be done. She didn’t even need to register his name on the birth certificate. It would all be their little secret. For a moment he felt a pity for the child, destined to grow up never knowing its father, but that was a presumptuous thought. No doubt Belle would soon meet someone new who could take care of her and the baby far better than he could. It was not a happy thought. 

“I should probably go,” Belle mumbled, standing up suddenly and swaying; Gold instinctively held out his arms to catch her as she stumbled, holding her until she regained her balance. 

“Sorry,” she said. “Just a bit dizzy.” Her clear blue eyes were looking straight at him, and Gold could see how pink they were with unshed tears. 

He remembered that he was still holding her close and promptly removed his hands, flapping them about awkwardly at his sides as he tried to think of something to do with them. 

“Just… You know where I am if you need anything,” he finished lamely. 

Belle nodded. “I guess I’ll see you around, Rumpel.”

“Yes. I’ll see you around.”

She left the back room of the shop, still a little unsteady on her feet, and Gold watched her go, taking another little piece of his heart with her.

X

Belle’s steps were shaky as she made her way through the shop and out into the street, stopping outside the door to try and gather her thoughts and composure. She had worked so hard to keep it together whilst she had been inside and she couldn’t lose it now, not when she only had to go a few streets to get back to the library where she could give in to her utter unhappiness in the privacy of her own home. Her eyes were burning and she screwed them tight shut to try and prevent the tears from coming, but they still managed to escape and she clenched her fists, hoping that sheer willpower could force her to stop being so emotional. If this was what she was like after only six weeks of pregnancy, then she dreaded to think what she’d be like after six months. She’d probably have to barricade herself inside her apartment to make sure that she didn’t scare the rest of the town by acting like a lunatic. 

She couldn’t expect Gold to want anything to do with his child. She knew how much he regretted their night together and she couldn’t expect him to suddenly want to be a part of the baby’s life knowing that it was the result of a mistake. She didn’t want him to feel obligated to help in any way. She just wanted him to know. But he’d offered to help in any way he could despite all that, and his kindness made her want to cry because she felt so unworthy of it. And then she’d had to go and get dizzy and fall over onto him, like that was going to help matters. For the few seconds that he’d held her, she’d felt so safe and protected and she never wanted to let go of him. 

But he had let go, as soon as it was clear that she was going to be all right. The easy, tactile friendship that they had shared was gone, destroyed on the pyre with everything else about them that she had touched. She missed his hugs and he’d made it clear that there were not going to be any more in the future. She missed  _ him _ , so desperately, but she knew that she had to keep her distance. And not just for a while now, to see if their friendship could be repaired. It couldn’t be, that was obvious. She needed to stay away for good. She couldn’t give him any more reason to hate her more than he already did, and hanging around wouldn’t be conducive to that. 

Crying her eyes out, Belle made her way back to the library. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**

As expected, the Storybrooke rumour mill did not take long to start grinding again, and for the next month, Belle’s pregnancy was the only thing that anyone could talk about. Belle for her part was merely grateful that the speculation about the father hadn’t started. There had been a tense conversation with Gaston, who, although hurt that the baby was not his and that it had been conceived whilst they were nominally still together, had dutifully been discreet about it. Belle had not told him who the father was, partly out of fear for Gaston’s reaction to Gold and partly out of a desire to keep it as close to her chest as possible, just stating that since she and the father were not together and not likely to be together in the future, it really didn’t matter. Since everyone was under the impression that the father didn’t know, people had kept quiet. Rumours that were proved to be true were one thing, but speculation of that sort never took hold. That was too dangerous. It didn’t stop Zelena trying, though. Belle was certain that the other woman was going to open some kind of betting pool and she didn’t kid herself that if such a thing existed it would be anonymously very popular.

Truth be told, though, Belle did not take in much of the talking that was going on behind her back – and to her face, on more than one occasion. The first few weeks of her pregnancy were the most uncomfortable of her life, and she’d had to remind herself a few times that it would all be worth it in the end, when she’d have her beautiful baby to show for all the pain. She’d just thought that she was getting over the morning sickness stage of the proceedings, but it appeared that her body had decided to have other ideas.

Morning sickness, she decided as she emptied her stomach into the waste paper bin under the library issue desk, was a misnomer. It was half-past two in the afternoon and this just wasn’t _fair_. It also wasn’t fair that she still felt like she was about to burst into tears at any given moment of the day. Luckily the library was empty and she didn’t have an audience whilst she was losing her lunch. Given how much she’d been throwing up over the last few weeks, she was surprised that she still got any custom at all coming in, the number of times she’d had to run to the bathroom or, in as in this case, dive under her desk, would most certainly have been disconcerting to any patrons.

Her stomach rolled again and she retched, but there was nothing left to come up, her muscles clenching painfully and forcing bile up her throat. She gave a little groan, resting her forehead against the edge of the desk, and almost jumped out of her skin when she heard a voice beside her ear.

“Belle?”

It was Gold, and his cold hand on the back of her neck had never been more welcome. She managed a whimper of thanks, closing her eyes and breathing through her nose until the wave of nausea passed.

“Better?” he asked, rubbing her neck gently. It felt so good, and she didn’t want him to stop touching her, so she shook her head minutely. “You’ll be ok, just breathe with me, nice and steady.” His hand moved down to her back, stroking gently,  and Belle just enjoyed the feeling of his hand on her, wishing that she could keep it there forever. Still, the moment had to pass sometime, and at length she moved her head away from the desk, and as she sat up, Gold’s fingers slipped away from her.

“I’ll get you some water, don’t move.”

He grabbed the waste basket containing her semi-digested sandwich and ice tea and limped away through the office to the little bathroom, returning a few moments later with a glass of cold water which he handed to her before disappearing again. Belle sipped it carefully, listening to the sound of the sink running and waiting for him to return. The waste bin was clean when he came back, smelling of the citrus disinfectant the cleaner kept in the bathroom.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she said softly. “But thank you so much.”

“As I’m sure you know from personal experience, there is nothing in the world more disheartening than having to clean up your own vomit,” Gold said. He sounded so calm and matter of fact about it. “Besides, it’s not like I don’t have years of experience of Neal’s stomach upsets under my belt. It takes a lot to phase me.”

He leaned back against the desk as she drank up the water, his cane cradled between his knees. It was almost like old times. Apart from the fact she’d just been sick because she was pregnant with his baby, but ignoring that fact, it was almost like they’d been before this had all happened.

“Why are you here?” she asked. “Sorry, that makes it sound like I’m not pleased to see you, which I am. What I mean is how did you know I was sick?”

Gold nodded towards the doors. “I was passing and I saw you hunched over. I thought that something might be wrong, so…” He spread his hands. “Here I am.”

Belle nodded. “I’m glad you came. Thank you.”

“Any time,” Gold said. “Like I said before. Anything you need.”

_You,_ Belle’s mind supplied helpfully. _I need you. I can get through this on my own. I am perfectly able to. I just don’t want to. I want you here._ But that wasn’t something that she could say. He was being so good to her, but this wasn’t what he signed up for. He shouldn’t have to be there. He shouldn’t feel like he had to be there.

“I should get back to work,” she said, wiggling the library computer mouse to get it to come back on, trying to distract herself before she said something that she regretted that would make the awkwardness between them even worse. But God, she had missed him so much over these past few weeks. Missed their little chats about nothing and missed hearing about Neal’s exploits. Neal… He still didn’t know what had gone on between them, and Belle was happy to keep it that way. She was pretty sure that she would have had some kind of angry message from him by now if he knew. She had missed Neal ever since he went off to college, and now, since she no longer saw Gold, she had no idea how he was doing.

Gold got off the issue desk. “I’ll stop bothering you,” he said, picking up his cane and making to leave.

“Wait, Rumpel…” Belle bit her lip, wanting to ask him to stay and talk like they always used to do, to offer an olive branch and try to patch things up between them, because even though she knew she felt more than he did and their relationship would never be what she wanted, she couldn’t bear to lose what they’d had. That would be enough for her, their friendship would be enough just as long as he would give it to her. But ever since that night, he had been so distant. Almost like he was hiding from her. Maybe he was afraid that she’d jump on him again, and she really needed to convince him that he could trust her, that she could keep her hands and her mouth and her feelings to herself and she really just missed his company and his presence in her life.

He turned, and words failed her.

“How’s Neal?” she finished lamely.

Gold smiled. “He’s doing well. He’s made some friends on his course and he’s still working his ass off, but he’s having some fun too. Apparently the other week he woke up in the back of a car that he didn’t know whose it was, but someone else was trying to break into it at the time.”

Belle’s eyes widened. “Is he all right?”

“Yes, she’s his girlfriend now. I don’t know what happened to the car, he didn’t tell me.”

Belle couldn’t help but laugh. “How did he end up in the back of the car?”

“I think it probably had something to do with beer. Most of Neal’s more interesting college adventures have involved beer at some point. My son is a lightweight of the highest order. Sometimes I’m ashamed to acknowledge that he’s half Scottish.”

Unconsciously, Belle brought a hand to her abdomen under the desk, feeling the slight curve of her belly. Her baby would be half Scottish too. She remembered all the tales that Gold had told her about Scotland, and how much she wanted to visit it someday. Preferably with him as her guide. Never mind. She could take her child there when the time was right, and teach him or her all about that important part of their heritage. They might not have a father figure in their life, but that didn’t mean that Belle was going to put him out of the picture completely. Her child would know where they came from, and never feel unwanted or unwelcome in any way.

“Well, give him my best wishes when you next speak to him,” she said eventually, seeing that Gold was still standing in the library doorway waiting patiently for her to respond to him. “Tell him that he needs to come and visit and bring his girlfriend.”

“I think that will probably send him running in the opposite direction.” Gold chuckled. “But I will pass on your love. He sends his in return.”

And then, Gold was gone, slipping out of the library again and limping slowly down the street, his shoulders braced against the cold wind that had set in over the last couple of days. There was another storm brewing, and Belle hoped that he would be all right. He probably wouldn’t appreciate her going over considering what had happened the last time.

She hugged herself, suddenly cold in the big, empty library.

X

God, Gold hated storms. He didn’t think he’d ever loathed one as much as he loathed this one. The wind was howling, the lights were flickering, the TV kept cutting out to static, and all he wanted was to hear Belle knocking on the door. He wanted to let her in and take her coat and tell her to help herself to whatever was in the kitchen, to grouse at her about coming out in this weather whilst being so very grateful that she was there. Another flash of lightning cut the sky outside the window and his hand inched across the sofa towards the phone. He had been doing so well at staying out of her life like she wanted him to, and he’d already broken that rule this morning when she’d been ill in the library, but he couldn’t exactly leave her to suffer alone and he thought that she’d appreciate someone she knew rather than a stranger finding her like that. But just because he’d helped her this morning didn’t mean that he now had the right to call on her for her strength now that he needed it. For goodness sake, he was a grown man, he shouldn’t need someone to hold his hand through thunderstorms. He clenched his eyes tight shut as the thunder growled overhead and his hand found the phone where he was groping along the sofa. He couldn’t call Belle, but he had to call someone. He could call Neal. His son would probably be incredibly annoyed with him for cramping his style, but he wouldn’t talk for long, just long enough to hear a friendly voice and know that everything was going to be all right despite the thunder and lightning outside that was very obviously trying to kill him.

He hit Neal’s speed dial number and listened to it ring as the power gave out completely and the flat was plunged into darkness, just the forks of electricity outside providing illumination.

Neal picked up after two rings.

_“Hey Dad. How’s it going?”_

“Hi. It’s going… fine.”

He flinched as the thunder came again and when Neal spoke, he could tell that he son was quirking an eyebrow at the other end of the phone.

_“Are you sure you’re fine,?”_ he asked. _“Sounds like it’s storming up a bitch up there.”_

“It’s not pleasant weather, I’ll give you that much. How’s Boston?”

_“We’ve managed to avoid most of the storms so far but it’s pouring with rain. We’re all staying inside for fear of being washed away. Still, it’s good to hear your voice despite the thunder in the background. How’s town?”_

“It’s fine, it’s fine.”

_“Dad, you know that if you say something enough times it loses all meaning, right?”_

Gold sighed, he was all too aware of that which was why he’d started avoiding Belle like the plague when the only thing that he could say to her at any given moment was sorry.

“I know.”

_“Dad, is everything all right?”_ Neal’s voice was earnest and concerned. _“I take it from the fact you’re calling me that Belle’s not there with you.”_

“No, she’s not. I can’t expect her to come over every time there’s a storm out, she’s got her own life to live you know.”

_“I know, I know. She’s probably busy creating a wedding scrapbook or something.”_

Gold felt his stomach churning. “Yeah. She probably is.”

_“Even so, though… Dad, I get the impression that there’s something you’re not telling me”_

“I should let you go, I’m sorry for disturbing you,” Gold said quickly. “You go and have fun with your friends.”

_“Dad, I literally just told you that everyone’s staying in because of the deluge. I’m just sitting in my dorm room eating my weight in Oreos right now, you’re not disturbing anything. In fact you’re making a pretty boring evening more lively. So what’s wrong?”_

Gold sighed. “You have enough problems of your own Neal, you don’t need to listen to all mine as well.”

_“I don’t really have a lot of problems on my plate at the moment. And I can tell you’re agitated and if you don’t tell me what’s going on then I’ll only keep worrying about you.”_

Gold narrowed his eyes, well aware that his son couldn’t see him down the phone. He knew that Neal would be smirking though. “That, son, is emotional blackmail.”

_“Is it working?”_ Neal asked.

“Possibly.”

_“Dad, just tell me. If I know you then you won’t have told anyone else and you always told me when I was growing up not to bottle these things up. Not that you’ve ever taken your own advice, of course.”_

It was going to have to come out at some point, and there was no time like the present. Best to get it all out sooner rather than later, when Neal returned to Storybrooke and could see for himself what had happened. At least with Neal a couple of hundred miles away in another state, he could be spared the worst of his ire.

“I did something terrible, Neal. Unforgivable.”

_“Ok…”_ Neal didn’t sound too convinced. _“Define terrible and unforgivable.”_

“I slept with Belle.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone for two minutes and thirty-two seconds.

_“You did WHAT?”_

“I…”

_“No, I did hear you the first time. Ok, that is not a mental image I ever wanted, not going to lie, but the fact I need brain bleach aside, why is that terrible and unforgivable?. I mean, ok, Belle is engaged to another man and she’s always been just a friend to you even though I kept telling you to ask her out before Gaston got in the picture and seriously? Couldn’t you have done this before she got engaged?”_

“She’s not engaged any more. But that’s not my fault.”

_“Right.”_ Neal’s voice was flat and there was a long pause on the other end of the line. _“Right. Ok. Sorry, this is all slightly too much to take in but I’m rolling with it. You slept with Belle and she broke up with her fiancé… Or he broke up with her, or whatever… I’m still having trouble with the terrible and unforgivable part. I mean, it takes two to tango, right?”_

“Yes. It does.”

_“So what’s the problem? If it’s what you both wanted, why is it terrible?”_

“It wasn’t what she wanted. She was sad and emotional and vulnerable and she didn’t know what she wanted.”

_“Oh no, I’m going to stop you right there. You don’t decide what other people want and don’t want and you certainly don’t decide that they don’t know what they want. Only Belle decides that. You slept together and she regretted it in the morning and now you’re avoiding each other, is that it?”_

“In a nutshell.”

_“Right. You know, I don’t think that I should ever have left home if this is what happens when I’m not there to keep you in line.”_ Neal sighed. “ _I’m sure that this will all blow over. Things will be awkward for a couple of weeks and then you’ll talk and work it out. It’s not the first time you’ve fallen out with her.”_

“It was ten weeks ago, Neal.”

_“Right.”_ There was another long pause. “ _I get the feeling that there’s something more that you’re not telling me. From the fact that you’re being very specific about weeks and not just saying a couple of months.”_

Gold remained silent, unable to bring himself to say the words.

_“Dad, please just tell me the truth.”_

Gold took a deep breath. “Belle is pregnant.”

There was a long silence on the other end of the line and Gold was beginning to think that the call had in fact disconnected and his son had hung up on him in disgust like he’d been expecting him to do for the majority of their conversation. Then Neal spoke again.

_“Ok, sorry, I needed a little time to process that, because even though I’d pretty much guessed that was what you were going to say, I was still hoping that you weren’t going to say it and I wasn’t going to have to think about that prospect.”_

“Neal, I’m so sorry.”

_“All things considered I really don’t think that I’m the one you ought to be apologising to, but…”_ There was silence again for a moment. _“There are so many things I could say right now but I’m not going to… Actually yes I am. Seriously, Dad? Seriously! How many times have you warned me about this kind of thing all through high school? Do I have to give you the birds and the bees talk? I can’t believe that you could let something like this happen? How drunk were you?”_

“I’d only had half a bottle of wine,” Gold protested feebly, but he knew that there was really no point in contending the issue because Neal was perfectly correct and he deserved the tongue lashing that his son was doling out to him. Finally, Neal stopped yelling at him to use a fucking condom next time and all Gold could hear was him panting at the other end of the phone in his frustration, the tirade having taken it out of him. Another crash of thunder ripped through the night and Gold cringed, it was as if the skies had taken it upon themselves to join in with Neal’s yelling and were chastising him accordingly.

“Neal, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with this; not at your age when your whole life’s ahead of you.”

_“I don’t know why you’re apologising to me, Dad, it’s not my kid,”_ he said.

“You’re eighteen and you’re suddenly getting a half-sibling.”

_“Am I really though, Dad?”_ Neal asked. _“Because if you’re to be believed then you and Belle aren’t talking anymore and therefore I can’t see you raising this child together. Actually, how is it going to work, have you talked about that?”_

“She said that she didn’t want my help,” Gold said. “She didn’t expect anything from me.”

_“You’re still going to have to be involved at some point, even if it’s just paying child support,”_ Neal said. _“Ok, maybe that’s something that you can work out nearer the time, but you’re going to have to stop hiding from her at some point you know.”_

“I am not hiding from her! She knows where I am and she’s welcome to come and tell me I’ve ruined her life whenever she likes!”

_“Don’t be dramatic, Dad, you haven’t ruined her life.”_

“I slept with her when she was under emotional stress and as I result I practically set fire to our friendship and now she’s having a completely unexpected baby that every time she looks at it, it will remind her of just how badly I betrayed her trust!”

Again there was silence on the other end of the phone.

_“Dad, you’ve got some really weird issues but I’m not a therapist and I have no desire to be. Ok, maybe neither of you were completely stone cold sober at the time, but I’m going to assume that Belle was conscious and consenting when you slept with her?”_

“Of course!” He was a monster, but he wasn’t so much of a monster that he would force himself on her.

_“Then it’s not really a betrayal of trust, is it? And you obviously hadn’t ruined her life because otherwise she wouldn’t be keeping the baby with a view to raising it.”_

“It’s not that.” Gold sighed; how could he explain to his son the gravity of what he’d done. “I should have stopped myself. I shouldn’t have let it go so far.”

_“Aaand we’re back to the whole ‘deciding what other people want’ thing, which I have no desire to rehash.”_ Neal gave a long sigh. _“I really do worry about you when I’m not around, you know.”_

“I’m fine,” Gold muttered stubbornly. “I shouldn’t have called, I’m sorry. You go back to your evening.”

_“Well, ok.”_ Neal sounded incredibly unconvinced. _“But please, Dad, talk to her, apologise, ask if you can be friends again.”_

“How can I? She doesn’t want to see me! She doesn’t want anything to do with me!”

_“Has she actually_ said _that, or are you just assuming the worst like you always do?”_

“Well, she hasn’t said it in as many words…”

There was a howl of frustration on the other end of the phone. _“You are_ impossible _to deal with, did you know that? Dad, I love you, but sometimes I think you need your head examined.”_

“Considering some of the terrible choices I make, I would have to agree with you there.” Gold sighed. “I’ll give her some time to calm down.”

_“I swear she’s not even angry but sure, give her time. Just as long as at the end of the time you actually do something rather than just hiding.”_

“I am not…”

_“Dad, you’re hiding. You have got to have the courage to start fighting for things.”_

Gold shook his head unseen. It really wasn’t as simple as that. He wasn’t going to fight for Belle if she didn’t want to be fought for, and she’d made it clear that she didn’t want to be fought for.

After another silence, Neal changed the subject, perhaps sensing that he wasn’t going to get any sense out of his father, and at length, as the storm sounded to be passing, they said their goodbyes. Gold thought about what Neal had said, about assuming what people wanted. Maybe it was true; maybe he had jumped to conclusions about what Belle had wanted and not wanted that morning after, being so caught up in his own self-loathing that he hadn’t given it the proper thought. But really, all he had to do was look at Belle’s face and the way that she had acted. She hadn’t been able to get out of his flat quick enough, and if that wasn’t a sign that she had regretted what they’d done then he didn’t know what was. If his presence was so intolerable to her then he wasn’t going to force it on her. Maybe she wasn’t angry with him for doing what he’d done, but that didn’t mean that she wanted to see him and be friends again. They’d had a perfectly civil conversation this morning and it had been good, apart from Belle throwing up, obviously.

Gold sighed, looking down at the phone and running a hand through his hair. If he was being brutally honest with himself then deep down, he had been expecting the end of their friendship for years, ever since it had begun. Belle was so unlike him that he couldn’t believe that she would genuinely be interested in his company. It had all been too good to be true for so long, and now really, it was just the inevitable that had happened. It was a shame that it took them sleeping together for her to realise just how terribly incompatible they were. He was wrong for her in every way, not just as a romantic and sexual partner but as a friend as well. This separation, as painful as it was, was for the best in the long run. She would no longer have to deal with the inevitable stigma of being associated with the town coward. Gold could bear pain. He’d borne enough of it throughout his life, and he could bear some more to ensure that Belle was free from it.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise that things get a little less angsty from here on in!

**Seven**

Belle was pacing up and down the foyer of the bed and breakfast, unable to work off her nervous energy. Granny came through from the office and watched her with a raised eyebrow for a few moments before leaning on the reception desk and giving a little smirk.

“You know, you’re going to wear a hole in the floor if you keep doing that,” she remarked dryly.

Belle stopped, turning to Granny, and her shoulders sagged.

“I’m just worried, Granny. What if I get there and something’s wrong?”

“Then you’re in the best place for them to fix it, aren’t you?” Granny pointed out gently. “This isn’t something that you can put off, love. And I swear that once you get there and you see your baby for the first time, you won’t be worried any more. It’ll all just melt away. I know I was a nervous wreck before my first appointment when I was expecting Ruby’s mother, but it’ll pass.”

“But what if…”

“No more what ifs,” Granny interrupted sternly. “The more you worry about what ifs, the more likely you’ll be to get one. I know it’s scary and it’s even more scary that you’re going through all this alone, but we have faith in you, me and Ruby. You can do it.”

“Speaking of Ruby…” Belle glanced up the stairs towards Ruby’s room. “Where is she? If she doesn’t get a move on then we’re going to be late for the appointment.”

“I’m coming!” Ruby clattered down the stairs in a vision of high-heeled boots and red leather, and Belle had to double-take, but didn’t say anything. Granny had no such qualms.

“Aren’t you slightly overdressed for accompanying your friend to a sonogram?” she asked.

“No!” Ruby exclaimed. “I just always like to look my best, that’s all.”

“And the fact that you might run into Dr Hopper has absolutely nothing to do with that at all, of course.”

“Granny, how many times do I have to tell you that I am over Dr Hopper. Well, he’s still very handsome of course, but… Oh, we don’t have time for this, come on Belle, let’s go!”

She steered her slightly bemused friend out of the bed and breakfast and towards her little red car, the wolf charm hanging from the rear-view mirror swinging with alarming vigour as she got in.

“Are you all right?” she asked, fussing around her friend as Belle slipped into the passenger seat.

“I’m fine, Ruby, honestly. You can’t even see the bump yet.”

“I know, but I don’t want the seatbelt cutting off the circulation to its feet or something.” Ruby started the engine, driving remarkably carefully along the roads towards the hospital on the edge of the town. “Can we find out if it’s a boy or girl today and stop calling it an it?” she asked excitedly.

“No, not today. It’s too early to tell. It’s only about that big.” Belle held up her thumb and forefinger a couple of inches apart, and then decided that it was time to change the subject before she got too worried about what was going to be happening once she got to the hospital. “So if you’re not dressed up for Dr Hopper, who are you dressed up for?”

“I am dressed up for you, my friend.”

“Ruby, you’ve gone as red as your leggings.”

“Fine. There’s a nurse. I met her at the Rabbit Hole a couple of weeks ago and I think we hit it off pretty well. And you know, any opportunity is a good opportunity, right?”

Belle gave a snort of laughter. “You’re incorrigible, but I love you. If you start making eyes at my sonographer over my belly, I’ll consider my role as a matchmaker confirmed. What’s her name?”

“Dorothy. She works in the emergency room so you should be safe.”

Belle settled back in her seat for the short journey. She was glad that Ruby was happy with her crush, even if it did set her thinking about her own unrequited love. She hadn’t seen Gold since that morning in the library, and she couldn’t really blame him for avoiding her after that display. All the same, she wanted to know how he was, whether he’d got through the storm ok, whether he wanted her to come over for the next one… Despite the distance that had come between them over the past couple of weeks, she still held out some kind of hope. There was something still there, that connection they shared hadn’t died completely. She’d felt it when they talked in the library and it felt like suddenly her world was brighter despite the wind howling outside. Belle glanced sideways at Ruby as her friend drove. Although she had accepted being a single mother, she had also accepted that she didn’t have to do everything by herself and it was fine to ask for help if she needed it. Ruby was overjoyed to be able to offer assistance wherever it was required, if that included coming to sonogram appointments with her then so be it - especially if there was a chance of seeing Dorothy. But really, in Belle’s mind, Ruby was not the person she wanted at the appointment with her. She wanted Gold there, wanted him to see their baby for the first time at the same time as she did.

But she couldn’t ask him for that. She’d told him that he didn’t need to get involved and it was clear that he didn’t want to get involved. She couldn’t start asking him to come to her appointments with her now. The last thing that she wanted was for him to feel like she was pressuring him into something that he wanted no part of.

Ruby, she knew, would take a different view; that since Gold was a part of this baby already having given it some of his DNA, then he had a duty to be involved, but at least she accepted that the situation was more complicated than that and had duly kept her mouth shut on the subject. For all the circumstances around it were saddening, Belle was happy to be pregnant and for all her fears was looking forward to having a baby. 

“Ok, let’s meet this little one.” Ruby parked up outside the hospital and positively bounced towards the doors, Belle following at a more sedate pace behind her.

“You know, I think you’re more excited about this than I am,” Belle remarked.

“Well, I think it’s easier to be excited when you’re not the one who’s going to have cold gel slimed all over you and be prodded and poked,” Ruby said. “I really hope I’m in the running for godmother, here, by the way.”

Belle rolled her eyes. “You’re way too excited about this.”

“Well, one of us has to be.” She slipped her arm through Belle’s and led her down the corridors towards the maternity unit. “Can I have a picture?”

“Why would you even want a picture?”

“Because you’re the first one of my friends to have a baby!” Ruby exclaimed. “This is a momentous occasion!”

“Ruby…” Belle trailed off as they passed the bone clinic. Gold was coming out of the outpatients’ centre. Of course he was, because fate had decided that it hated them both and had scheduled his quarterly orthopaedic review on the same day and the same time as her sonogram.

Ruby followed her gaze.

“Ok, snap decision, do you want to hide or do you want to talk to him?”

“Ruby, we can’t hide, we’re in a hospital.”

“There’s a janitor’s closet literally right next to us, I can bundle you in there and he’ll be none the wiser…”

It was too late, Gold had noticed them conspiring, and Belle could see the brief flash of fear that crossed his face. Gold knew that Ruby knew he was the father of her baby; the three people in the world who knew the truth were all standing here in this corridor and it was painfully obvious that none of them knew what to say.

“Hi,” Ruby said brightly.

“Hello Ruby. Belle. It’s good to see you. You’re looking… well.”

Belle smiled. “Thank you.”

“We’re here for Belle’s first scan,” Ruby said pointedly.

“I hope it all goes smoothly.” Gold opened his mouth as if he wanted to say something else, but then shook his head. “I should let you get on. Don’t want to be late for that first meeting.”

“No…” It was so tempting to ask him to come. Just make the offer nonchalantly, it didn’t have to mean anything, he was the father after all, and even if the doctor didn’t know that, he knew that Gold and Belle were friends. It wouldn’t look strange. But in the end, conscience and good sense won out. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”

Gold nodded. “I’ll see you around, Belle.”

Except they wouldn’t see each other around. As Belle continued down the corridor, she knew that they wouldn’t see each other and the words sounded hollow in her head as she replayed them. They’d been actively avoiding each other for weeks and it felt so stupid saying something so meaningless. She glanced back over her shoulder at Gold’s retreating back, watching him limp away towards the doors. His shoulders were hunched, as if he was trying to make himself smaller, less noticeable. It was a defence mechanism she’d seen in him often over the years.

“Come on.” Ruby gave her elbow a gentle tug. “Let’s go meet your baby.”

They reached the maternity unit right on time and took a seat in the waiting room.

“You do realise that when you find out whether it’s a boy or girl, Granny’s going to want to know so that she can start knitting,” Ruby was saying.

“But what if I want a surprise?” Belle asked. She hadn’t thought about the baby’s sex yet. She hadn’t planned that far ahead. Right now, all the planning that she was doing involved the fact that there would be a baby, and childproofing her apartment.

“I’m not sure that Granny will let you have a surprise. Have you thought about names yet?”

Belle shook her head. The baby needing a name was too far in the future to think about just yet. Although… It was less than thirty weeks away now, which didn’t sound all that far away. Baby was just Baby for now. She pressed a hand over her stomach. In an ideal world, she and the father would be discussing names together, and for a moment, Belle allowed herself to imagine a different situation, sitting on the sofa in Gold’s flat, her flicking through a baby name book whilst he massaged her aching ankles, exchanging names for ideas and dismissing the ridiculous ones out of hand, fighting over the ones that she thought were good and he thought were awful. It was such a simple thing, and yet it was something that she wasn’t going to have. The name would be her choice alone. Anything she wanted.

“I like Gideon for a boy,” she said eventually. “A good strong name for a hero. And Thea for a girl.”

“I like Gideon,” Ruby agreed. “Not that it really matters what I think, but I might rescind the godmother thing if you ended up calling him something like… Englebert.”

“And what, precisely, is wrong with Englebert as a name?” Belle looked around the waiting room and picked out a man sitting with his heavily pregnant partner. “He might be called Englebert. You might just have offended him greatly.”

“I apologise to any and all Engleberts in the vicinity, but I stand by my notion that it is really not a name you should give your child,” Ruby said solemnly. Her straight face lasted for all of five seconds before she burst out laughing, and Belle had to do the same. It felt good to laugh again. There hadn’t been a lot to laugh about in the last few weeks. She’d mainly spent the time being sick or being in pain as her body steeled itself to make room for the new life growing inside it. When she hadn’t going about the business of being pregnant, she’d been lamenting the effects that her pregnancy had had, on her friendships and on the rumour mill. Being able to laugh now at something so silly made things feel like they were getting back to normal, and that she would be able to cope with whatever life could throw at her and still find the humour in it.

“You know, we need a girl’s night out,” Ruby said once the mirth had died down. “You, me, Ariel…”

“Dorothy,” Belle supplied.

“Yes, well, if she wanted to come too then I wouldn’t be averse,” Ruby said coyly. “You and I haven’t been out for ages.”

“We haven’t, but Ruby, I think you might be forgetting the tiny detail that I’m pregnant.”

“We’ll keep you stocked up in fruit juice and soda!” Ruby said. “Come on, you need to live a little. You won’t have much chance after you give birth, you’ve got to admit that.”

“True…”

“Besides, you need some fun. You’ve been so stressed recently thanks to everything that’s been going on and I haven’t seen you smile like you just did for ages. We need to get you smiling more. You’re going to be a mum and everything’s going to be all right.”

Belle nodded. Ruby’s words made sense. She couldn’t stay in her melancholy state forever, not when there was so much to look forward to. The circumstances were not the ideal ones, but they were what they were and she had to make the best of them.

“Belle French?”

The sonographer called her in and she and Ruby followed through to the consulting room. Ruby gave her hand a brief squeeze as she got comfortable on the bed and pulled her sweater up to expose her belly. There was nothing really to see yet, just a slight curve that was not normally there but could be put down to overindulgence if it was noticed. The sonographer, a cheerful lady named Dawn, tucked some paper into her waistband and smeared gel over her stomach.

“Ready?” she said. “I’ll check everything’s as it should be first, and then you can take a look and meet your baby for yourself. Are you excited?”

Belle nodded. Just as Granny had said, now that she was here, the fear had lessened. Dawn switched the transducer on and pressed it over Belle’s tummy, and a steady swishing sound, like ocean waves in a shell, filled the room.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” the sonographer said. “Nice and strong and steady, just what we like to hear. I’ll just get the measurements.”

She clicked a few buttons on the computer screen as she measured the baby, and then turned the monitor towards Belle.

“Here we are,” she said, pointing to the fuzzy black and white image and moving the transducer over her skin again to get a better picture. “Legs, arms, head, all perfectly formed. You’re definitely not expecting twins, and looking at the measurements, your due date will be..” She looked at the calendar, counting down weeks. “June 3rd.”

It didn’t really look much like a human baby, more a vaguely human-shaped blob, but Belle couldn’t help staring in wonder at the picture. This little nugget was her baby, safe and snug inside her, and in seven and a half months she’d get to hold him or her.

“Hello sweetheart,” she murmured, waving to the monitor. “I’m Mama. This is Aunty Ruby. She’s a bit strange, but we all love her really.”

“Hey!” Ruby gave Belle an offended look. “If you weren’t pregnant I’d hit you.”

“Would you like a printout?” Dawn asked.

Belle nodded. “Yes please. And one for Ruby too, she’s insisting on it.” She paused. “Actually, can I have three copies?”

“Sure. We start making you pay print fees after the third though.” The sonographer winked and sent the image to print before turning off the transducer and cleaning the gel off Belle’s stomach before helping her make herself decent again and handing her off the bed. The pictures would take a little while to print, so Ruby and Belle went out into the waiting room again until they were ready.

“Are you going to give the third print to Gold?” Ruby asked.

Belle didn’t reply. She wanted to, but she hadn’t quite decided yet. Best to have the opportunity to send it rather than regret not having done so. If she didn’t end up doing anything with the third copy, then so be it, but she wanted to have that option. She didn’t even know what she was hoping to achieve by giving the picture to him, but since he hadn’t had the opportunity to meet his child in person, she could do the next best thing for him. If he didn’t want the picture then that was his problem.

Then again… Belle sighed. Maybe it was too much, maybe it would come across as desperation, trying to guilt trip him into becoming more involved. She didn’t want that, but she desperately did not want him not to know his child. Still, it wasn’t as if she had to make a decision right away.

The receptionist brought over the prints and Belle handed one to Ruby before tucking the others safely into her purse. Ruby wrapped an arm around her friend’s shoulders as they made their way back to the car.

“Whatever happens, it’ll turn out for the best,” she said. “I promise.”


	8. Chapter 8

Belle looked down at the sonogram photo where it was sitting on the table in front of her, twirling her pen around in her fingers and wishing that the notepad page that was open beside the picture would just fill up of its own accord without her having to put any thought into the words. The only thing that she had managed to write so far was the single word “Rumpel” on an envelope which was sitting on the other side of the sonogram picture. She didn’t know what was giving her such a block. Words came naturally to her. She was good with words. Why then could she not think of a single word to write now? 

Her empty iced tea glass was removed from the table and a fresh one placed down in front of her before Ruby slid into the booth opposite. 

“On the house,” she said. “Need to keep your strength up, after all.”

Belle nodded her thanks and took a sip of her iced tea, still staring at the photograph. It was definitely a baby, that much was clear, but aside from that, it was more just a series of black and white blobs on the screen. There was no way that Gold would want such a stupid picture, no matter how much it meant to Belle.

“So, you’re definitely going to give it to him?” Ruby hedged. 

Belle nodded. 

“Yes. I’m just working out the right way to word it.”

Ruby raised an eyebrow. “You know, you could not word it at all and just give it to him in person,” she said. “And actually, you know,  _ talk  _ about this situation that you’ve found yourselves in.”

“I can’t do that!” Belle exclaimed. 

“Whyever not?” Ruby sighed, giving Belle a look that most would describe as ‘long-suffering’. “In all the romantic novels you read, and you’ve read a lot of romantic novels, how many times have you been so frustrated with the main characters because they just refused to talk to each other, and all their misunderstandings could have been sorted out within two chapters if they’d actually sat down and communicated instead of labouring under sad misappreciations for half of the book?”

“That’s different,” Belle muttered. “That’s fiction and this is real life. Besides, there is no misunderstanding here. Everything is perfectly clear.”

“Uhuh.” Ruby smirked. “Sure it is.”

“It is! I am pregnant, I want the baby, he doesn’t, and I’m not going to force him to be part of a child’s life if he doesn’t want to be. That’s only going to make everyone miserable. That’s all there is to it.”

Ruby gave another sigh. “And yet you still want him to have a copy of the sonogram.”

“Yes. No. Oh, I don’t know. I just… Part of me wants this baby to have a father, to grow up with two parents in its life even if they aren’t together. I want my child to know where he or she came from and I don’t want them to resent me for keeping their parentage a secret. On the other hand, I don’t want to make everything worse by making Gold resent the child by making him into part of a family that he has no desire to be a part of. Then they’ll both hate me. And Gold will hate me even more than he already does.”

“Belle, I really don’t know where you’ve got this idea that he hates you from, you know. I really don’t think that he hates you, I was there at the hospital watching the two of you interact. That man does not hate you, honestly. I was half-expecting him to ask if he could come to the scan with you. And don’t you think that, since the baby isn’t even born yet, let alone able to walk, talk, understand the concept of single parent families and accidental pregnancy and voice its opinion of you, it’s a little early to be worrying about it hating you?”

“It’s never too early to worry about these things.”

Ruby reached across the table and gently cupped Belle’s cheek, making her look up from the iced tea and the sonogram and towards her friend’s face. 

“Belle, you are this baby’s mommy and that’s not going to change. You love it already and it is going to love you no matter what happens. I promise that everything’s going to be all right.”

“But what if…”

“No what ifs,” Ruby said sternly. “You know what Granny says about what ifs, they’re just tempting fate. You’ve got to look on the bright side. You’re looking so tired and worn down at the moment, and this is only the beginning of it. You should be enjoying being pregnant. I know you’ve always wanted to be a mother and now you are one, you’re already one even though the baby isn’t in your arms yet. You’ve got yourself so worked up about Gold and his opinions when it’s really not necessary. Please honey, the best thing to do is to forget all about him. You say he doesn’t want to be involved, you say you’re fine with him not being involved, and if that’s really the case then leave it at that. Please stop worrying. It can’t be good for you.”

Belle sighed. “I know, it’s not. But all the same, I want him to have this picture. The idea’s in my head now and I have to follow through with it.” 

She picked up her pen again, determined to write something. 

“I still don’t see why it needs a note,” Ruby remarked. “You could just send it without. It’s not like he’s not going to know what it is or who it’s come from.”

“That is precisely why it needs a note,” Belle said sternly. “If I don’t let him know my intentions in sending it, then he could be thinking anything.”

“He’ll probably be thinking that you wanted him to have a copy of the sonogram.” Ruby raised an eyebrow. “You’re overthinking this.”

“No, he’ll be thinking that I’m emotionally blackmailing him into getting involved.” Belle put pen to paper, managed the words ‘Dear Rumpel’ and crossed them out because that was too familiar and tore off the sheet, starting again with ‘Dear Tobias’, because ‘Dear Gold’ sounded too formal. Ruby gave an exclamation of frustration and threw her hands up in the air. 

“I think I might have to give up with you,” she said. “You have known this man for what, eight years? And for most of those years, he has been your closest, most intimate friend to whom you have told practically everything about yourself, am I right?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re aware that this man is a father who adores his son, yes?”

“Yes.”

“And you’re telling me that despite that incredibly close bond that the two of you share, and the incredibly close bond that he has with Neal, you still won’t be able to tell how he’ll react to receiving a sonogram of his unborn child.”

“No, of course I don’t know how he’ll react,” Belle snapped. She wasn’t usually this volatile and inwardly she blamed it on her hormones. “I have no idea how he’ll react because it may have escaped your notice but I’ve never accidentally had unprotected sex and got pregnant with him before!”

Realising what she had said, Belle looked quickly around the diner, the colour draining from her face as she wondered who could have overheard, but the place was practically empty apart from herself and Ruby and a family enjoying an early lunch in another booth; none of them were paying her any attention as the mother fed the baby and the father attempted to stop the toddler from launching himself off the bench with his superhero costume cape held out like wings. For a moment, she felt a little pang of want in the pit of her stomach, knowing that in a couple of years, that would be her. For that little moment, she couldn’t wait to be wrestling a three year old down into his seat and listening to his jabber about fighting bad guys. And if Gold was there by her side during that, helping her to pull the three year old off the table, then even better.

Then Ruby gave a little groan and her attention was pulled back to the present. Her friend had rested her forehead on the table, hands over her head. 

“Belle,” she said, her voice a little bit muffled by the plastic table-top, “you’re so good at reading people and judging situations except if those situations involve you, did you know that? It’s absolutely maddening.”

Belle did feel a little guilty that her friend was having to put up with her paranoia, and she reached across the table to take one of Ruby’s hands. The other woman finally looked up at her. 

“I suppose I should really be thankful that I got a date with Dorothy out of your sonogram,” she muttered. “At least there are small mercies in the world and I know that my love life is going great even as I’m trying to salvage the wreckage of yours from around your ears.”

“That’s good to know,” Belle said, and any excuse to move the conversation away from her and Rum and the baby was a good one, so she added. “Tell me about Dorothy. When are you going out?”

Ruby smiled, sensing that the conversation about Belle was closed, and began to tell her all about Dorothy and what they were planning to do on their date, which as far as Belle could make out consisted of spending an evening hustling the hospital security guards at pool down at the Rabbit Hole. To each their own. She slipped the sonogram picture into the envelope and put her notebook away; it could wait till later, back when she was in her own apartment and didn’t have Ruby as a distraction trying to talk sense into her. Because what Ruby said did make sense. In any other life and in any other circumstances, she would probably have taken her friend’s advice. As it was, Ruby, as good a friend as she was, just didn’t understand the delicacy of the situation between herself and Gold. The friendship that she shared with Ruby couldn’t really be compared because she had never been attracted to Ruby and vice versa, whereas with Gold, the underlying crush had been there for so long that she didn’t know if she could remember a time when it had not been there. Their friendship had been a wonderful one, but it was skewed, in a way, because of her feelings towards him and the fact that they were obviously not returned. She’d given it long enough to try and gauge his feelings, after all. Never having been in Belle’s position, Ruby would naturally not understand it. 

It would help, of course, if Belle herself could work out what on earth she wanted from her relationship with Gold. Did she want a friend for herself, a co-parent for her child, both, neither… What she really wanted, obviously, was a lover for herself and a father for her baby, but she knew that wasn’t going to happen and she knew she had to settle for something else. All that remained was to work out what that actually was. 

“Come on,” Ruby said presently, looking at her watch and slipping out of the booth. “I need to get back to work and I think you do too.”

Reluctantly, Belle got up and left the diner, returning to the library. In some ways she preferred being in the diner with Ruby’s company because when she was alone with her thoughts, she did always overthink things as Ruby had said. Still, it was the usual Wednesday storytime hour soon, and the library would soon be full of children and their parents. Settling herself on one of the small chairs in the children’s section and selecting a few of her favourite picture books to read to them, Belle allowed herself to let go of all the worries of the present for the moment and just picture a happy future, sitting here in the library with her child listening rapt to all the wonderful stories that she could tell, and introducing him to all the books that she had grown up with herself. She glanced down at her stomach; it was the first time that she’d thought of her baby as being a boy, but now that she’d done it once, it was stuck in her head. 

“Hey there,” she said softly down the neckline of her top, as if that would bring her voice closer to the child. “I’m pretty sure that you’re a boy, and I think I’m going to call you a boy from now on. But if you turn out to be a girl then that’s ok too. And if you don’t know what you are, or if you say you’re something different to what the doctor says you are, then that’s ok too. For now you’re my baby boy but you can be whatever you want to be. Just as long as you’re a decent human being and you love your Mama.”

“Belle?” 

Belle looked up to see Marian Locksley standing in front of her, Roland’s little hand clutched tightly in hers. The other mother was smiling, although Roland was looking perplexed. 

“Mommy, who’s Miss Belle talking to?” he said in a loud whisper. 

Marian exchanged a look with Belle, who tried to hide a smile. 

“There’s a baby in Miss Belle’s tummy,” Marian said. “She’s talking to the baby.”

“Oh.” Roland was still puzzled. “How did it get in there?”

“I think that’s a conversation for when you’re older,” Marian said hastily. “Come on, it’s nearly time for storytime.”

“Yes, come and take a seat on the mat,” Belle said, quickly changing the subject. “Since you’re here first, Roland, you can pick our first story.”

Roland grabbed one of the picture books out of the pile at Belle’s feet. “Little Bear’s Trousers!”

Belle might have guessed. Little Bear’s Trousers was Roland’s favourite book. Other parents and children had started to arrive at this point and Belle gathered them all around, pleased to be able to do storytime again and that her audience had not shrunk after a couple of weeks cancelled due to the inaccurately named morning sickness. 

She read two stories as usual, and then went over to the issue desk to be on hand to check out any books that the children wanted. Roland and Marian were the last to leave, Roland going through pretty much the entire picture book box to find the ones that he wanted, and Marian came over to talk to Belle at the desk. 

“So how’s it going?” she asked. “You’re looking a lot better than the last time we saw you at storytime.”

Belle nodded. “Yes, the sickness is getting a bit more manageable and I’ve not got as much cramping.”

Marian winced in sympathy. “I was lucky with Roland, I didn’t get sick at all but my word, I thought that my insides were being slowly turned upside down for the first couple of months. Have you had your first scan yet?”

“Yes, just a couple of days ago. I’ve got a picture actually.” She ducked down under the desk and rummaged in her handbag for the envelope with Gold’s name on and the sonogram picture inside, but it wasn’t there. She must have left it on the table at Granny’s when she came back after lunch.

Her blood ran cold. Anyone could have picked it up. At best they would have just given it to Ruby as lost property. At worst, they would have given it to its intended recipient before Belle had had chance to write the mitigating note that she desperately wanted to write. No, at worst, some unscrupulous soul would have looked inside the envelope, and seen the picture, and since the entire town knew that she was pregnant, they would have put two and two together and the news that Gold was the father of Belle’s mystery baby would soon be all over the town. 

“Belle?” Marian was leaning over the issue desk, a couple of picture books in her hands, and Belle shot upright. 

“Must have left it upstairs,” she muttered, before plastering a bright smile on her face and checking out Roland’s books. “There we are, due back in three weeks’ time. I’ll see you next week for storytime again, right?”

“Yeah!” Roland trotted off towards the library doors, but Marian hung back.

“Are you all right, Belle?” she asked. “Seriously, you’ve gone as white as a sheet.”

“Yes, no, I’m feeling a bit nauseous. Probably overdid it at lunch; I was so happy not to be feeling sick I overate.”

“Yeah, that can happen. Just take it easy, all right? You can always call if you need anything. I know we’re not best friends but I’ve been through what you’re going through and I can offer tea and sympathy and tips if nothing else.”

Belle nodded. “Thanks, Marian.”

“Any time.”

She left the library after her son and Belle sat staring blindly after them for a few minutes before grabbing her bag and turning it out over the desk. The envelope was very clearly not there, and she had to get it back before any damage was caused. Well, any more damage than had already been caused. 

She swept everything back into her bag in a hotchpotch and raced out of the library, only just remembering to lock up after herself, and she rushed back down the street towards the diner. 

“Belle?” Ruby asked as she rushed up to the counter.

“Ruby, the envelope with the sonogram picture in, where did it go?” Belle asked breathlessly. “Who had the booth after me, did they take it?” She glanced across at the booth she’d been sitting in which was now occupied by Leroy and a couple of his brothers. The envelope was gone. 

“Woah, woah, calm down. I grabbed it after you left.”

Belle heaved a huge sigh of relief. “Thank you. Can I have it back please?”

“No.”

Belle blinked. “Pardon?”

“No.” Ruby grabbed the envelope from where it was tucked in next to the cash register and stuffed it in her apron pocket. “No, you cannot have it back.”

“Ruby!”

“All right, I’ll amend that. You cannot have it back until you stop being so silly about this whole thing.”

“I am not being silly!” Belle exclaimed. 

“Belle, you’re being silly.” Ruby gestured for Belle to follow her through into the back, and once they were ensconced together in private, she put her hands on her friend’s shoulders, forcing her to look up at her. 

“You’re being silly,” she repeated. “I’m not blaming you for it because I know the emotional turmoil you’re going through at the moment, but as your best friend I can’t stand aside and let you continue on this destructive path any longer. You’ve got to stop making assumptions and second-guessing yourself at every turn, you have got to start trusting your instincts again and for the love of all that is holy, you have got to talk to Gold about this!”

“I can’t…” Belle began to protest, but Ruby pressed a finger over her lips to silence her. 

“Yes. You can. You’re just not thinking straight about this. Now, I don’t claim to know him anywhere near as well as you do but if there’s one thing that the entire town knows about Tobias Gold it’s that he absolutely loves his son. What in God’s name makes you think he isn’t happy about having another child? He’s a father first and foremost. You know this Belle, you’ve known it for years!”

Belle couldn’t deny it. Neal meant everything to Gold and she would be outright lying if she said he wasn’t one of the best fathers she’d ever encountered. 

“I think that maybe, subconsciously, you’re being a bit selfish,” Ruby said sagely, and Belle gave an affronted gasp. 

“What? How… Everything I’ve done has been about making sure he’s all right with this entire fucked up scenario! How on earth is that selfish?”

“Because all this time, you’ve been making it about you, rather than the baby. You’re worried about what he’s going to think because it’s you, not because you’re having a baby but because it’s  _ you _ that’s having it.”

“I…” Belle tried to protest, but forced to look at it coldly, Ruby was partially right. 

“Ok, I can’t blame you entirely for this shambles we’ve found ourselves in,” Ruby said. “He’s behaving like just as much of an idiot. Which is why, when I give this sonogram picture back to you, you are going to go over there, you are going to give it to him in person, and you are going to talk to him honestly about this baby and about what you both want. Otherwise you’re never going to do it and this kid’ll be going to college before you finally understand each other and realise that you missed out on eighteen years of… I dunno, something.”

She took off her apron, fished out the picture and presented it to Belle. 

“Come on. We’re going to get to the bottom of this once and for all.”

Taking Belle firmly by the elbow, she guided her in the direction of the exit, calling to Granny that she was going on her break and would be back in a couple of minutes, and together they made the short journey down the road to the yarn shop. 

The bell jingled its usual welcome as they entered, and Belle heard the tap of Rumpel’s cane as he came out from the back to greet them. To say that he looked startled when he saw Belle and Ruby standing there would probably have been an understatement. 

“Good afternoon, Mr Gold,” Ruby said brightly. “First things first.” She went over and turned the sign on the door to closed. “Now.” She pointed accusingly from Belle to Gold and back again. “You two are going to talk about this baby. Not about each other, because that’s a mess for another day. But you’re going to talk about this baby and make sure that you’re both on the correct page, because I cannot stand to watch this train wreck any longer.”

Belle and Gold just looked at each other for a long time, and Ruby rolled her eyes. 

“Guys, I can’t have this conversation for you; I’m not involved. I’m just getting you both in the right place at the right time. But I’ll ask this one question before I leave you to it. Gold, and answer incredibly honestly now, do you want to be involved in this baby’s life?”

The silence in the shop was deafening, and then, shoulders sagging as if in defeat, Gold nodded. 

“Yes. I want nothing more.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine**

Almost as soon as the words were out of Gold’s mouth, Ruby gave a satisfied smile, nodded firmly, and slipped out of the shop door. Despite the fact she was incredibly fierce and he was more often than not terrified of her, he found himself wishing that she would come back so that hopefully she would protect him from Belle’s ire. Then again, Ruby was Belle’s friend and would likely take her side in any argument that would no doubt follow.

But Belle wasn’t looking angry. There were tears in her eyes, and Gold had known her long enough to recognise those as tears of happiness, not of any negative emotion.

“Belle, I, I’m sorry,” he began, desperate to fill the silence with something and the apology being the only thing that he could think of to say, but Belle shook her head before he could speak again, rushing over and pressing a small piece of paper into his hands. Looking down, Gold saw that it was a sonogram picture.

“He’s due on the 3rd of June,” Belle said softly. “Well, we don’t know that he’s a he yet, but I think he’s a he.” She stroked over the little black and white image. “I wanted you to have this, but I didn’t think you would want it.”

“In the spirit of the incredible honesty that Ruby demanded, I wanted to be there,” Gold admitted. “But I knew you didn’t want that.”

Belle looked up at him. “I wanted you there too,” she said. “I nearly asked you to come, when we met you in the hospital. But I knew you didn’t want to be involved. At least, I thought I did.” She glanced down at the picture again, and then pressed a hand over her still-flat belly. “I don’t know what I know any more.” Finally she looked up at him, a tear running down the side of her nose. “What happened to us? How did we end up coming to this?”

Gold couldn’t answer that, he didn’t know himself. He’d been so certain of everything in his life and now he didn’t know whether he was coming or going.

“Tea,” he said eventually, going over to lock up the shop and making his way through to the back room; Belle followed him and settled on the stool next to the spinning wheel bench, her usual spot. It was good to see her there again. She fit the space, looked at home there, and now, despite the fact she was crying and her nose was running, she looked at home there again. He put the kettle on and brought a box of tissues over to Belle, who blew her nose loudly. He was on the verge of crying himself. All this time thinking that he would not be able to be a part of their child’s life, that Belle didn’t think he should be involved, and he had been wrong. He was going to be a father again. It still made absolutely no sense to him, given what had transpired between them before, but he wasn’t going to knock it.

He sank down onto the spinning wheel bench as he waited for the kettle to boil, pressing his hands over his face to try and hold back the tears of joy that were threatening to fall, and losing the battle. As he wept, he felt Belle’s small hand come around his shoulders, providing comfort and drawing her own from him.

“We’re going to be parents,” she murmured, and there was an innocent wonder in her voice that Gold knew could not be faked. “We’re going to be parents, Rumpel, and I’m so happy about that. You know how much I wanted to be a mum and right now I can’t think of anyone I’d rather raise a child with than my best friend.”

Gold grabbed a tissue, wiping his face. The kettle had boiled but he made no move to actually go and pour them any tea.

“I wanted to be involved, Belle,” he said. “From the very beginning. I couldn’t believe that I’d been given another child, another miracle. But I knew that you didn’t want me around.”

Belle’s brow furrowed. “But I did,” she pressed. “Where did you get that notion from? I thought that you didn’t want to be involved because you were avoiding me all the time.”

“Because you didn’t want me around,” Gold repeated. He paused. “When you first told me about the pregnancy… You said that you didn’t expect anything from me.”

“And I didn’t,” Belle said. “I meant what I said. I didn’t _expect_ you to get involved. I wanted you to, though. So very much.”

“So… Why did you tell me you didn’t expect me to get involved, then?”

“Because I wanted it to be your choice. I didn’t want you to feel forced into being a part of something that you didn’t want to be. And you’d been so skittish ever since that night, I didn’t know how you were going to react. And then when you stayed away, well, it was obvious to me that you didn’t want to be involved.”

Gold sighed. “We’ve made a right pig’s ear of this, haven’t we?” he said. “Just one little assumption led to all this misery.”

Belle nodded. “We’re hopeless.”

“I think it’s a good job Neal and Ruby appear to have infinitesimal patience with us.” Gold gave a snort of laughter, remembering the conversation with his son, Neal pressing him to listen to what Belle was actually saying rather than what he thought she was saying. Looking back, there was absolutely no reason why Belle’s words should have been misconstrued as a warning to stay away, but with everything else that was going on at the time, that was how he had interpreted them. Context was everything.

“Well, Ruby’s patience just ran out.” Belle laughed weakly. “How long do you think we would have gone on tiptoeing around each other if she hadn’t intervened?”

“Forever, probably, given the rate we were going.” The steaming kettle finally registered and Gold got up to make them tea, bringing the mugs over and settling back down behind the spinning wheel. Belle leaned into his side again. It had all come about in the main because they hadn’t been talking to each other. Although they both had other friends, Belle especially had Ruby and Ariel to whom she was very close, their deepest thoughts and worries were things that they shared with each other and felt that they couldn’t share with anyone else. And they hadn’t been talking to each other, because of what had happened, and everything had spiralled out of control without that other person to bring them back from the brink of despair and labouring under terrible false impressions. He glanced down at Belle as they drank their tea in a silence that was, at long last, companionable again. Ruby had told them to focus on the baby, rather than each other, and he could do that. Whether she had forgiven him for that night remained to be seen, but that wasn’t important right at that moment. What was important was that she was having a baby and she was happy and she wanted him to be involved, and that was all that he could ask for.

For the first time in a long time, Gold felt a weight lift from his shoulders. Whatever had happened between him and Belle in their personal relationship, they could put it aside and focus on the wonderful new life that they had created entirely by accident.

Presently, Belle put down her empty mug, slipping her arms around him in a familiar hug.

“I’ve missed you,” she said. “I’ve missed our friendship.”

“Me too.”

They stayed in the embrace for a long time.

“So what do we do now?” Belle asked. “I had a vision of us sitting on the sofa exchanging increasingly weird baby name ideas.”

“We’re not naming him Englebert,” Gold said quickly. “If I get say in the name then I’m vetoing that.”

“What is it about the name Englebert?” Belle asked. “Ruby zeroed in on that one too. Do I look like a person who’d name their child Englebert?”

Gold shrugged. “You named me Rumpelstiltskin.”

“Yes, but there was a reason for that. Besides, Rumpel suits you.”

“I’m flattered.” Gold paused. “If it’s a girl, maybe Evanna?” he suggested tentatively. “Or as a middle name, I don’t mind.”

Belle gave him a contented smile. She didn’t need to ask, she knew it had been his mother’s name.

“Evanna’s a beautiful name,” she said.

There was so much left unsaid and squashed down in the back of his mind, refusing to let it come to the surface and spoil anything now. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and he’d do anything to make her happy and he wanted them to be a family in the most primal sense of the word; he wanted her to move in with him and let him take care of her as a partner and lover should. But that was a conversation for another time. For now, he was simply grateful that the terrible misunderstanding that they had brought upon themselves was resolved.

Presently Belle gave a sigh beside him.

“I should probably get back to the library,” she said. “I left it in kind of a panic when I realised I’d lost that picture.” A small chuckle escaped her. “Now that I think about it and look back, Ruby was right. I was being silly. I got myself all worked up over nothing. I guess this is what happens when we don’t ground each other.”

“We got there in the end,” Gold pointed out. He was sad for the few weeks that they had missed out on each other’s company and the time he had missed bonding with his child, but ultimately he was happy that they were on an even keel again now, and he had hope for the future. It was an odd colour on him, not one that he wore often. Belle had always been the optimistic one out of the both of them and it was strange to take on that role now.

“We did. And now we’re going to have a baby.”

She was biting her lip in that way that she had, the one that made him want to kiss her, and gently, she took the hand that was not holding his mug of tea and pressed it over her tummy. Gold didn’t think that he had ever been happier.

“You’re going to be a wonderful mum,” he said, horribly aware of how choked his voice was, but really unable to care at that moment.

“I already know you’re a wonderful dad,” Belle said. “We’re both idiots but I think we’ll be good parents.”

Gold nodded. Now that he had the chance to be a parent again, he was going to do his absolute utmost not to screw it up and make Belle regret wanting to raise her child with him.

She stood, grabbing her handbag and making to go back to the library.

“I’ll see you later?” she asked. “We could go to Granny’s for pie. Ruby will probably be relieved to find that we’re friends again.”

“Yes.” Gold smiled wanly. “I should probably thank her for her bluntness.”

“She just wants the best for us,” Belle said. “It’s tough love sometimes, but it’s love at heart. Besides, I don’t think she’s too mad at us; if this hadn’t all happened then she might never have got a date with an emergency room nurse. I’ll see you later, then?”

Gold nodded, and unlike the other times in the past few weeks when they had said goodbye, he knew that he would see her later. He walked Belle out to the front of the shop and unlocked the place, turning the sign back to open and watching her walk down the road towards the library before he moved away from the door.

He was still hopelessly in love with her and he was still utterly screwed, but his heart was lighter now than it had been in a long time.

X

Waiting outside the diner, Belle rocked back and forth on her feet. Ever since her talk with Gold, when so much had been cleared up, she felt like she had been walking on air, and she had to keep pinching herself to check that she wasn’t dreaming. Of course, a large part of her was still inwardly cringing at just how wrong they had got it, and just how badly they had swung themselves off the rails as a result of just not talking. She thought back to what Ruby had said, that they should just focus on the baby and not try to think about or second guess each other. Her feelings for Gold could wait a little while, until they were back on an even keel. Certainly they had made huge headway in that one little conversation earlier in the day, but even though they were both now sure that they were both incredibly happy about this baby, there was still a lot to be sorted out and organised before they could even hope to get themselves sorted out.

On cue at six o’clock, Gold stepped out of the yarn shop across the street and locked up, limping over to the diner with a smile on his face.

“Hey,” he said softly when he reached her. “Pie?”

Belle nodded. For perhaps the first time since discovering that she was pregnant, she felt properly hungry, like she ought to be eating for two. Strange how just taking one element of stress out of her life - her constant fretting about Gold’s feelings towards the baby - had made so much of a difference and taken such a weight off her shoulders.

Gold opened the door for her and she stepped inside. Ruby was sitting at the counter on her break and she looked up from her magazine on hearing the door chime. She smiled when they came in, obviously together, and slipped off her stool, grabbing the last dregs of her milkshake and slurping it up with a grin as they took up their usual booth in the corner. It was always their go to spot whenever they had been to Granny’s together in the past, and it had made Belle rather forlorn to see it empty these past few weeks. Sitting there alone had not felt right.

“So, I trust everything is moderately well in Belle and Rumpel land?” she asked, coming over as she retied her apron and took out her order pad.

Belle nodded firmly. “Everything is very well, thank you. What’s the pie?”

“Blueberry. Let me guess, two slices a la mode?”

“You know us so well, Ruby.” Gold gave a small smile.

“I do, which is why it’s been so painful watching you avoid each other for these past couple of months.” She crouched down by the table, leaning in close so as to avoid being heard by the diner’s other patrons. “For what it’s worth, you’re both a couple of utter idiots but I can’t think of two people more suited to have a baby together, so I’m very glad you’ve got your act together.” She straightened. “Right. Your order will be right out.”

Belle watched Ruby bustle off into the kitchen and gave a satisfied sigh, doodling patterns on the formica tabletop with her fingertip.

“She’s right,” she said wistfully. “On all accounts.”

“We’ll work something out,” Gold agreed.

The quiet between them was companionable, the way it always had been. They didn’t need to talk, they never had done. They were happy enough just with each other’s company. She looked at Gold, regarding him critically as she wondered what features of his their child might inherit. He always maintained that Neal looked more like his mother, but having seen father and son together so often, Belle could tell that in mannerisms at least, Neal was every inch Gold’s younger double.

She hoped their baby would have his eyes, those warm, chocolate brown eyes that could be so deep and so rich and hide so many secrets. Normally he was one to wear his heart on his sleeve, especially when it came to his family. She’d seen proof enough of that this afternoon when he had been so ecstatic to become involved in their baby’s life. Now though, she was looking at a mystery, his dark eyes and the little smile curling at the corner of his mouth telling her nothing.

“What are you thinking?” she asked presently.

He shook his head, the smile spreading over the rest of his face.

“Nothing much. Just thinking about us, and what’s going to happen next.”

Belle could well understand that, and she had to wonder herself as Ruby brought their pie over. She wondered how many people would guess the truth, that Gold was the father. It would come out soon enough, but for now, Belle had no desire to spread the news herself. It was not out of any shame, far from it, and she did not fear a violent reaction from Gaston that much. Well, maybe a little. But the main reason that she wanted to keep it between them, just her and Gold and Ruby, was that for so long it had just been her and Gold, in their own little battle against the world. Sure, she had other friends. She had Ruby, and she had Ariel and she had all the rest of their little girl gang, but whilst Ruby was her closest female friend, she had never been as close to Ruby as she was to Gold. Neither of them had anyone else, really, apart from Neal. After her dad had died, Belle had accepted Gold and Neal as her surrogate family. There wasn’t any need for anyone else to be involved. People would find out when they needed to, and that was that. There was no need to make a big song and dance out of it. The entire town already knew far too much about the pregnancy to start with thanks to Zelena and her mouth, and Belle had had quite enough of everyone poking their nose into her affairs. Now that she had Gold to lean on again, things could go back to the cosy way they had always been before. Just the two of them, with Neal and Ruby to keep them on the straight and narrow if they decided to derail themselves again. Not that she thought they would. They’d both witnessed first hand how much not communicating had affected them.

She took a bite of pie, the warmth of the tangy blueberries and the cold sweet ice-cream melding perfectly on her tongue, and she gave a moan of pleasure. Gold couldn’t help but snort, evidently trying very hard not to start laughing out loud and spew his own mouthful of pie and ice cream across the table at her. Belle glared at him and swallowed.

“Don’t make me hit you with my spoon,” she muttered. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Ruby giving a good-natured eye roll, and it struck her again just how deeply she had missed Gold and missed this thing that they had. It was such a close bond, could it be any wonder that she had ended up falling in love with him along the way?

She took another bite of pie and put the thought to the back of her mind. That was something to think about in the future, when she felt more settled and sure in herself. For now, there was the present, and there was pie, and at last there was Gold.

“When’s your next appointment?” he asked presently.

“Three weeks today, eleven-fifteen in the maternity unit.”

Gold wrote the appointment on the back of his hand.

“I can’t wait,” he said.

Belle grinned. “Neither can I.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Ten**

Gold didn’t think that he had been as happy as he was now for a long time. Neal was on his way home from college for the Christmas break and Gold was on his way to the Greyhound stop at the edge of the town to meet him. They’d been to Belle’s midwife appointment together earlier that day, and everything had cheerfully been proclaimed to be absolutely fine and progressing well. No-one seemed to be at all perturbed at his presence by Belle’s side for the appointment; everyone was too busy with the baby and making sure that it was all right to pay any attention to the periphery.

The library was closed and Belle was waiting in the yarn shop for the two of them to return; her back was complaining after the appointment and Gold had insisted that she went and put her feet up rather than coming with him to hang around for a bus that might well be late. As much as she was eager to see Neal as soon as possible, Belle had accepted and was installed in the backroom of the shop with blankets and a cup of tea, and Gold was sitting in his car at the bus stop, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel in anticipation. Although he had spoken to Neal fairly regularly throughout his time away, it was not the same as seeing his son in person and being able to hug him, and relations had been a little cool between them ever since that phone call in which Gold had bared his soul and admitted everything that had gone wrong between him and Belle. Now that they were on an even keel again, he couldn’t wait to introduce Neal to his younger sibling-to-be and reassure him that everything was going to be all right and he wouldn’t do anything ridiculous ever again.

Gold snorted at the thought. Well, that was probably stretching it slightly. He was bound to do something stupid before his time on this earth was out, but he was definitely going to try and be better, and to actually listen to what Belle was saying rather than hearing something completely different.

The bus pulled up on the other side of the road, stopping for a few moments before moving away to leave Neal standing at the side of the road. The young man smiled as he saw his father’s car and heaved his bags over the road, shoving them in the back before clambering into the passenger seat.

“It looks like you brought a lot of stuff,” Gold remarked. Neal grinned.

“Yeah, not all of it’s laundry. There’s some Christmas presents in there too.”

Gold shook his head with a good-natured snort of disbelief and they pulled away, driving slowly back into the town. He glanced over at his son. He was wearing the beginnings of a scruffy beard, which was new. It suited him; made it seem more like he was growing into his role as a college student rather than the fresh-faced young man he had been before he went away. He was seasoned now, and it made Gold smile.

“How’s Emma?” he asked presently.

“She’s ok. She’s staying in dorm over Christmas. I thought it was a bit too soon to invite her over. And given everything that’s happening here, you know, it might not have been wise.” He turned to Gold, raising an eyebrow. “Enough about my lovelife. How’s yours?”

“Non-existent, like it’s been for the last ten years,” Gold said. “But if you’re asking how Belle is, then she’s doing well.”

“You’ve made up with her?”

Gold nodded. “Yes. We’re friends again now. It’s all going to be all right.” He began to tell the tale of Ruby’s intervention and they fell back into silence for a little while.

“Belle’s waiting at the shop,” Gold said eventually. “She would have come but… you know.”

“Yeah, I get it, don’t worry.” There was another long pause, and Gold could tell that Neal was fighting back a smirk. “I’m glad that you’re friends again, but are you ever going to let her know that perhaps you want to be more than friends?”

“Someday.” Gold knew that he could not hide his feelings forever, however much he might want to. “But there’s plenty of time for that yet. Let’s not upset the boat that’s only just got righted again.”

“All right, all right, I’ll leave it alone. But you can’t put it off forever you know, it’s not healthy.”

“I honestly never thought that I would be taking relationship advice from my son,” Gold muttered.

“Well, you have to take it from someone, because you’ll never get anywhere on your own,” Neal pointed out, and Gold had to concede that even if he didn’t let Neal know it. “I mean come on, you couldn’t even get yourselves sorted out regarding the baby on your own, you needed Ruby to kick your asses into gear.”

“I know, Neal, I know.” Gold gave a long sigh. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Well, stopping beating yourself up about the whole thing would probably be a good start. Sometimes I look at you and wonder how I came out normal.”

Gold raised an eyebrow and Neal held his hands up in defence. “I was joking! You might be terrible when it comes to your own interpersonal skills but you’re a good dad, and you’re gonna be a good dad to Belle’s baby as well when the time comes.”

“Well, at least one of us is confident about that.”

Neal rolled his eyes. “Give yourself some credit, please. I know most of my awesome is natural but it needed to be nurtured.”

They pulled up outside the yarn shop then and Neal grabbed his bags out of the back, racing into the shop and up to the apartment above it to dump his things before thundering back down the stairs. How one young man could make the noise of an entire herd of elephants was beyond Gold, but he didn’t begrudge it, just happy to have Neal back in his life for a couple of weeks. Soon it would be as if he had never been away. He went through into the back room to find Belle smiling.

“He’s definitely back then,” she said.

“It certainly sounds like it.”

“Has he ever been able to go down stairs quietly?” Belle asked.

“Oh yes, when he puts his mind to it. Like the time he tried to sneak out to go camping in the play area with August Booth. He was slightly stymied by the fact he couldn’t reach the top lock on the shop door and he knocked over a box of cottons trying to get a step stool.”

“I can’t believe you still remember that,” Neal groused as he entered the back room. “Hi Belle, it’s good to see you.” He went over and gave her a hug, kissing her cheek with the easy charm that he had always had. “How are you getting on? Hopefully my brother hasn’t been giving you too much trouble.”

“No, he’s been pretty quiet today.” Belle patted the slight swell of her belly, not really showing properly yet unless you were actively looking for the bulge. “He’s not kicking yet so I should probably be grateful for the respite whilst I can get it. If he’s anything like you then I’ll have to watch out.”

“I’m the paragon of grace!” Neal protested, and Gold snorted, going over to put the kettle on. It was a while since they had all sat around in the back room of the shop like this, but when Neal had been younger it had been a regular fixture; they used the back room more than they used the flat upstairs. It had always been warmer and cosier, giving it a homier feel, and now that Neal was back it was just as it had been before.

“Besides, it might be a girl,” Belle continued.

“Well, they say that a mother’s instinct is usually correct,” Neal said. “Except my mother of course, I think she would have much preferred a girl that she could dress up and show off. Ah well, let’s not bring her up. Apparently she and Killian are going to sail around the Italian coast. Is it mean to hope that they capsize near Sicily and they have a run in with the mafia? Are there any mafia in Sicily or is that just a gross stereotype?”

“From what I’ve heard about Killian, he probably has connections in the mafia,” Belle said dryly. She had never hidden her distaste for Gold’s ex-wife, nor the man she had left him for. “But as long as you’re not hoping that they drown, I don’t think there’s any harm in hoping that they capsize.”

“No, no, they’d be completely unharmed but they’d be rather soggy and the boat that they bought with half my college fund would be utterly wrecked,” Neal said cheerfully. “Yes, I can picture that quite well.” He gave a satisfied smile, leaning back in his chair and putting his feet up on the spinning wheel bench as Gold handed him a mug of tea.

“You can tell that you’re British,” Neal continued. “Tea is your solution for everything.”

Gold couldn’t deny it. Making tea was his go-to for anything that required any kind of mental energy expenditure. Watching the kettle boil and steeping the tea properly were things that helped to ground him. It was a ritual of sorts, like his spinning wheel.

Gold sat down on the spinning wheel bench beside his son’s feet and gave the wheel a comforting pull. Even when he was at his most relaxed, it felt right to have the wheel turning in the background. The motion was soothing, it calmed the atmosphere no matter what was happening. When Neal had been a baby, he had been mesmerised by the wheel, and hearing it whirr and watching it spin had often been the trick to getting him to stop crying when he had been fussing with colic. Idly Gold wondered if the same thing would work for the new baby.

“So, what else has been happening in the town?”

“You’ve lived here all your life, Neal, you should know by now that nothing ever happens in Storybrooke,” Gold pointed out.

“Yeah, we’re probably the most interesting part of it at the moment.” Belle sighed, there was something resigned in her voice; not bitter per se but not happy. Well, being the source of all the town’s juiciest gossip wasn’t something to be happy about at the best of times, but all the same, Gold couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness. Belle’s pregnancy should have been the most joyous time for her, but there was still that worry beneath the surface, the constant needling knowledge that the rest of the town was talking about her behind their hands, wondering what had happened with Gaston, wondering who the baby’s father was. So far only Ruby and Neal knew the truth, and Gold could respect Belle’s wish to keep the matter a secret. If she was upset with the rumour mill now, then he could only imagine what would happen once people started talking about the two of them together, and it was not a pretty picture.

“Ruby’s got a new girlfriend,” Belle said eventually. “They’re really cute together. But other than that, there’s nothing new.”

“Well, who needs gossip anyway,” Neal said stoically; he too could evidently sense that local news was a sore point for the both of them and he changed the subject. “It’s almost Christmas and that’s a time for family and friends. And eating as much cake as I can fit in my mouth. We’ll leave the town outside for now. You know, Dad, you made a vast oversight when you made us this cup of tea.”

Gold raised an eyebrow. “How?”

“You didn’t provide us with any mince pies to have with it.”

Gold rolled his eyes. Yes, it was as if Neal had never been away.

X

“You know, there’s something about you and Dad,” Neal said to Belle. It was Christmas Eve and the two of them were sitting on the sofa in the apartment above the yarn shop; Gold was in the kitchen preparing dinner and they could hear him humming along to the Christmas carols on the radio, hopelessly out of tune.

“What about us?” Belle asked, hoping that she had kept the trepidation out of her voice. She could always put it down to indigestion if nothing else. During the festive season she had taken a little bit too much advantage of eating for two and now it appeared that for all she loved candied peel; her baby really didn’t and was making her regret eating quite so much of it during the day. Her and Gold’s friendship had been a part of Neal’s life for the best part of ten years and during that time they had never really discussed it between them all that much. Neal had just accepted Belle’s presence in his and his father’s life without question, and for the most part they had all got on very well as a trio. A strange little family, but a family nonetheless. She wondered when she had started thinking of them as a family. She never thought of herself as Neal’s mother or stepmother, but she felt a bond with him that was more than just a proxy one of being friends with his father. Families came in all shapes and sizes after all.

“When you actually talk to each other, you’re really close,” Neal replied. “It’s not like you’re completely inseparable or anything, but the friendship you have goes really deep, it’s a proper bond, a commitment. I suppose it’s always been there but seeing you during this past week has really cemented it. It seems like more than friendship.”

“Well, it is, in a way,” Belle hedged. Oh God, how was she supposed to tell Neal that she was hopelessly in love with his father and had been for who knew how long? “We’re going to be raising a child together. We’re co-parents as well as friends.”

“It’s not just the baby though,” Neal said. “It was there before then.”

There was a long pause, the silence in the room broken only by the faint strains of _Silent Night_ coming from the kitchen. A couple of times, Belle opened her mouth to say something, only to shut it again with a shake of her head. Her feelings, her doubts and fears, they were not for Neal to have to bear.

Gold came out into the living room at that point and stopped short on seeing their serious aspect.

“Is everything ok?” he asked.

“Yep,” Neal said. “We were talking about you, actually.”

“Oh God,” Gold said faintly as Belle reached across and batted Neal’s arm playfully.

“You’re causing trouble!” she exclaimed.

“Well, I’ve got to start teaching the sibling as soon as possible.” Neal nodded towards her belly. “Sibling doesn’t sound right, not whilst he’s still so small. Siblet. That’s better.”

“I’m really not sure it is.” Gold turned back to the kitchen, perhaps feeling safer staying out of the conversation. “Dinner will be ready in ten.”

“I’ll come and help.” Neal started up off the sofa, leaving Belle alone with her thoughts.

Once in the kitchen with his father, Neal raised an eyebrow.

“I swear that you two have got to get your act together soon or I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m glad that Ruby got you sorted out as regards the baby when she did, but you do need to have a sit down and talk about the two of you now.”

“Neal, really…”

“Yes, really. I’ve said it before that you and Belle have one of the closest friendships, if not the closest friendship, that I have ever seen, and I know how you feel about her. Since you’re having a baby together, don’t you think that now’s the right time to let her know that?”

Gold sighed. “It’s really not that simple Neal.”

“It kind of is.”

“It’s an issue of trust. I’ve already betrayed her trust once and that led us into this position in the first place. Right now she’s trusting me to be a good friend as I always was and to help her raise this child and be a father. And I’m content with that.”

“You’re not,” Neal pointed out. “You want more.”

“I’ve always wanted more, Neal.”

“Well, maybe Belle does too. You’ve been so focussed on making sure that you put her needs and wants first, but that’s never going to really help you out if you don’t really know what those needs and wants are.”

“I’m sure she wants a divorced, crippled spinner who’s practically scared of his own shadow.” Gold snorted.

“Well, she wants you enough to want to be your friend and co-parent, so it’s really not too much of a stretch of the imagination to think that she might want more. Your relationship has always been deep and you’ve always shared everything with each other. Might be wise to start doing that again.”

“No.” Gold’s voice was firm. “I’m not going to force her into a relationship she doesn’t want just because it’s what I want.”

“You’ll never know for sure that she doesn’t want it if you don’t talk to her about it,” Neal observed. “And the potatoes are boiling over.”

Gold rushed to rescue his vegetables whilst Neal kept an eye on the rest of the meal.

“I guess this means that they’re done.” He set about mashing them, purposefully trying to deflect the conversation away from his and Belle’s relationship.

“I’m just saying, you need to talk to her. I mean, look what happened the last time you actually communicated properly. It was miraculous, you went from being incredibly miserable to only being slightly miserable. And you are actually sort of happy now.”

“Neal…”

“Just telling it like it is. Might be worth trying the whole ‘honest communication’ thing again. Or do Ruby and I have to lock you in a broom closet together in the hope that, like in all the best films, being trapped together in close quarters will force a confession out of you?”

“Neal, please. Not now. Not on Christmas Eve when I have to sit down to dinner with the two of you.”

“All right.” To give Neal his due, he did know when to back off. “But please think about it.”

Gold nodded and began to serve up the other components of their meal. He’d been thinking about it for weeks, and he always came to the same conclusion. Surely Belle would have said something. As it was, he didn’t want her to think that he was just being her friend in order to try and turn it into something more. He valued her friendship too much for that.

He and Neal brought the plates through to the living room where Belle was already sitting at the table.

“All right, we’ve got chicken supreme with mashed potatoes and green beans,” he announced.

“It looks delicious.” Belle dug into her food with relish, and as she did so, she caught Gold’s eye. A light blush rose in her cheeks and she glanced down at her plate again. He wondered what she and Neal had been discussing before Neal had come to help in the kitchen, and for a brief moment, he allowed himself to hope.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven**

Belle was somewhat alarmed when Ruby waltzed into the library just as she was getting ready to close up for the day. Her friend was wearing her highest heels and shortest shorts despite the inclement weather outside that was threatening the beginnings of snow at any moment, and she looked ready for a night out. She dumped her oversized handbag on the issue desk and leaned on it, giving Belle an excited grin. Belle, for her part, looked at Ruby, then at her reshelving cart, then at the handbag on the issue desk.

“Forgive me for being slightly scared,” she said.

“You are forgiven, but you are not excused,” Ruby said. “Come on. Girls’ night. We’ve been meaning to have one for ages.”

“No, Ruby, you’ve been meaning to have one for ages. As I recall, the last time you mentioned it, I had to remind you that I was pregnant. And as you can see, I’m not any less pregnant than I was when we were talking about it last.”

“I know that.” Ruby clattered over on her heels and patted Belle’s puffy stomach gently. “Like I said, we’ll make sure that you don’t overdo it and we’ll keep you stocked up on soft drinks. But you’ve been a recluse for these past few months and it’s time that you got out and about and showed Storybrooke that you don’t actually spend all your time at the library.”

“I don’t spend _all_ my time at the library. I go over to Rumpel’s and I go to the diner.”

Ruby made a face. “You know what I mean. Come on, Belle. It’s the new year and we really need to celebrate as a friendship group. Ariel and Mulan think I’ve kidnapped you and I’m hiding you in the basement because they never see you anymore.”

“That’s… worrying,” Belle admitted. “All right, I’ll come out, but I’m not shooting pool, dancing on tables or singing kareoke.”

“You’re becoming a sensible mommy already,” Ruby said with a fond sigh. “It’s all right, no-one’s going to be doing anything raucous. It’ll just be us girls having a laugh. And you’ll get to meet Dorothy properly. I brought all my things over so we can get you ready beforehand. Just because you’re pregnant doesn’t mean that you can’t pamper yourself and look your best.”

Considering that for the majority of her pregnancy so far, Belle had just wanted to hide away from the world beneath leggings and baggy sweaters, trying to mask her baby so that she didn’t have to talk about it to anyone, getting dressed up and going out seemed like a rather daunting prospect.

“Ok,” she said, although she wasn’t entirely convinced that it was going to be a good idea. “You do realise that I’m not looking to pull, right?”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “Of course.”

Belle finished locking up the library and they made their way up the stairs towards her flat.

“So, Neal’s home for the holidays,” Ruby said once they were ensconced in Belle’s bedroom and she was brushing her friend’s hair out from the braid Belle had worn it in all day.

“Yes.”

“Does he know about… You know.” Ruby waved the comb in the direction of Belle’s tummy.

“Yeah, Gold told him a while ago. He knows. He’s ok with it. I think he’s a bit stunned, but ultimately he’s alright with it. He wants the best for both of us I think, “

“Well, that’s good to hear. It’s good that you’ve got his support.”

“He’s excited to be a big brother, even if it is coming slightly later in life.” She smiled, remembering the conversations she’d had with Neal since he’d been back. He was a good kid and she would always be both amazed by and grateful for the dignity and grace with which he had taken the news. “I kind of get the feeling that he’s going to do his utmost to be a bad influence but end up teaching the little one some of his most important life lessons.”

“Yeah, like how to pass out in a car that’s not yours and doesn’t belong to any of your friends,” Ruby said dryly. “Did you ever get to the bottom of that story?”

“Nope,” Belle replied cheerfully. Ruby finished pinning her hair and went over to Belle’s wardrobe, casually sorting through the dresses therein. It was a long time since they’d done this and it added a semblance of normality to the situation, a feeling that her life had not changed irrevocably despite the massive upheaval that she was going through.

“You know, up until three weeks ago I’d never seen you in Ugg boots,” Ruby said, holding up the fluffy pair. “You’re practically glued to your heels even more than I am. Must have been a culture shock having to give them up.”

“Yeah, well, my ankles are so swollen most of the time that I can’t fit my feet into anything else and it’s not exactly the season for flip-flops.”

“You still look very cute in your Uggs though.” Ruby continued to pull things out of the closet, and Belle had to admit that her friend’s choices were very appropriate and nothing like the outfit she herself was wearing. Despite her penchant for short skirts and high heels, Belle didn’t think that she’d ever had the confidence to dress like Ruby did, and she admired her friend every time they went out together.

“Ok?” she asked. Belle nodded.

“Ok.”

“Excellent. Let’s grab something to eat at Granny’s before we go and meet the others there. It’s going to be a great evening, I promise.”

Belle gave another nod. She wasn’t quite as convinced as Ruby was, but she was intending to have a good time.

X

The club was noisy and hot, just like normal for a Friday night, and Belle was beginning to regret coming out with the girls already, before they’d even really got started. The place was stifling and although she had never been one for fainting before, pregnancy was making her woozy. They managed to find a free booth at the back of the bar away from the drunkards who were already swaying, and once she was sitting down, Belle felt a lot better. She would admit that it was good to be out with her friends again after so long in self-imposed exile. She hadn’t seen Mulan or Ariel properly for ages, and soon they were chatting happily as if she had never been away. Belle was happy to take a back seat whilst the others filled her in on everything that she’d been missing. Not a lot new had happened, but Ariel had several disastrous dates behind her. The redhead was a serial dater and every encounter seemed to be even worse than the last. She was on a desperate search for Mr Right and he was constantly out of reach, but despite this, her optimism never waned and she kept going. Belle was fairly sure that she must have gone out with every man in Storybrooke except Gold and perhaps Marco the carpenter, and sometimes she got the sneaking suspicion that Ariel enjoyed having awful dates and it was a strange form of entertainment for her. She’d just finished telling them the story of her adventures with a seagull at one of the terrible outings when the conversation turned in a direction that Belle really did not want it to. Namely, towards her.

“So Belle,” Ariel began, leaning in and swirling the straw around in her cosmopolitan. “What about you? Now that you and Gaston have called it a day, is there anything on the horizon?”

Belle shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

“Well, I think we all know why I’m not getting anything in the romance line,” she said, rubbing her stomach self-consciously. “I don’t think I’m the best person to be having this conversation with honestly. Maybe skip me and move on. Ruby’s the most interesting, she’s got Dorothy now.” She glanced over to her friend and her girlfriend at the bar, where they were leaning in close together, Ruby’s forehead barely an inch from Dorothy’s. They looked very happy together, and Belle hoped that they would be so for the foreseeable future.

“I know that Ruby’s got Dorothy now, but I’m asking about you. I mean, it’s not altogether shocking that you and Gaston broke up in the end,” Ariel said. Her voice was completely matter of fact, and she pulled the straw out of her drink to begin emphasising her point, flicking the pink liquid at Mulan by accident. “To be honest, I think we were kind of surprised that you said yes in the first place. I mean, you were a cute couple, don’t get me wrong, but I always felt that there was something missing, some kind of chemistry that wasn’t really there.”

Mulan wiped her face with a napkin and firmly took the straw from Ariel before she could do any more damage. “Yes. I wasn’t really sure what to say at the time because there was nothing really unhealthy about the relationship but it just didn’t seem right, you know? It felt like you were with him because he was there and because it was easy rather than because you really wanted to be with him, but when you got engaged, I thought I must just have been reading the relationship wrong and there were a lot more feelings involved.”

Belle sighed, fishing the slice of lime out of her soda and trying to balance it on the edge of her glass to avoid having to look at the others.

“No, you had it right. I think I was fooling myself really. It took getting pregnant to realise that.”

Mulan and Ariel looked at each other, and Belle could almost see the cogs whirring in their brains. The facts of the matter were known to pretty much the entire town - Belle was pregnant and it wasn’t Gaston’s baby and whether that was cause or effect, the two of them were no longer together. So far, no-one had really asked her about her child’s parentage, preferring to keep to the whispered rumours that they could perpetuate forever rather than having anything confirmed.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Belle said firmly. “Please. I’m no longer with Gaston and I’m having a baby and that’s really all there is to it. I’m not looking for anyone else in my life right now.”

Ariel nodded her understanding. “I know. I think you’re very brave, going it alone and being a single mom.”

Belle shrugged. “I won’t be alone. I have Gold.”

“Yeah but…” Ariel paused. “Belle…”

There was a sharp movement as Mulan smacked Ariel under the table.

“Not now, Ariel,” she hissed. “There’s a time and a place and now’s not it.”

“Belle, is Gold the father?”

Belle’s stomach roiled. She knew that it would come out sooner or later; it wasn’t something that could be kept under wraps forever and with Gold now coming with her to her midwife appointments and very obviously being involved in her and her baby’s life, it would come out sooner rather than later. She hadn’t planned on it coming out in the middle of the Rabbit Hole to her friends who were well on their way to being three sheets to the wind.

“Ariel!” Mulan snapped. “She said she didn’t want to talk about it!”

“I know, but…” Ariel protested at the same time as Belle gave a little sigh and a nod of assent.

“Yes, Gold is the father.”

There was silence around the table for a while.

“I thought you two were just friends,” Ariel said eventually. “I mean, I knew you were close, but I didn’t think that you were _that_ close.”

“We’re not,” Belle affirmed. “We’re good friends who made a drunken mistake.” A beautiful, wonderful mistake, she added mentally. “And we ended up with a baby and we’re going to raise it together.” Despite how much she might want more and might want to repeat the night that had led to that beautiful mistake.

“Well, more power to you.” Ariel raised her glass. “To Belle and Gold and their baby.” She chinked her cocktail against Belle’s soda and drank up, but Belle could not muster the same level of enthusiasm as her friend. Whilst she could trust Ruby to be discreet, Ariel was a talker. Not a gossip-monger in the same way that Zelena was, but still a talker, and there was far more chance of her letting something slip by accident.

“Can we keep this between ourselves?” she pleaded, hoping that a plea for secrecy would keep Ariel’s mouth shut for the next few weeks at least. It was not that she did not trust her friend, but she knew her, and she knew that even though there would be no malicious intent at all involved, something would happen and the truth would soon be spread around the whole town. Now that people were undoubtedly starting to suspect of their own accord, well, there wasn’t really much to be done in terms of damage limitation.

For the first time that evening, Belle found herself wishing that Gold was there with her. They never went out like this together, it wasn’t really their scene. Belle herself wasn’t a big one for going out partying, but she was more social than Gold. Her best friend would probably run a mile in the opposite direction if she had ever suggested to him that they ought to go to the Rabbit Hole. Gold preferred his rabbit holes rather more literally, safe spaces to dive into whenever the world outside got too much. His shop was something of a warren, soft and warm and ready to be burrowed into. But for all that he would be uncomfortable in the place and around her friends, she really wanted his support, to show that they were a united front no matter what happened and they were going to do what was best for this baby.

Ruby and Dorothy rejoined them at that point with a fresh round of drinks, and Ruby’s brow furrowed on seeing Belle’s pensive expression.

“Are you ok, babe?” she asked. “Do you want to go home?”

Belle nodded. “Yeah, I think it was a mistake coming out. I’m just really tired.”

“That’s ok, I was the one who insisted. I’m glad you came though, it’s good to see you outside of the library and the diner.”

“Yes,” Ariel agreed earnestly, and in spite of her slight tipsiness, she seemed to have cottoned on to the idea that the topic of Belle’s pregnancy and Gold’s involvement in that was now closed. Belle wondered if Mulan was standing on her foot under the table. “It’s been good to see you again. And once the baby’s born you have to bring him or her to visit.”

“I promise.”

They group all said their goodbyes to Belle and many hugs were exchanged - Ariel kept coming back for more - and finally Ruby walked her out of the bar. The cool night air was a welcome change to the stuffy atmosphere in the pub and Belle took a deep lungful, looking up at the stars.

“Are you all right?” Ruby asked. “Be honest with me. If you’re really just tired then that’s fine, I accept that, but you’re looking worried.”

Belle sighed.

“Ariel worked out that Gold’s the father.” She pressed her hand to her stomach, feeling the slight swell, and that grounded her in the moment, knowing that her baby was still safe there. “I’ve asked her to be discreet but I can’t help wondering whether it will all end up blowing up in my face. And I know it’s ridiculous because it was bound to come out sooner or later, but I feel like it’s been taken out of my hands now.”

“I understand. And you know Ariel, she might not even remember come the morning if she pours another couple of cosmos down her throat before the night’s over.”

Belle had to give a snort of laughter at the image. “I guess so.”

“Shall we get you a ride called so that you don’t have to stand out here in the cold on aching feet and ankles any longer than you have to?” Ruby asked, and Belle giggled.

“You really are too good to me,” she said. “You and Gold and Granny, you’re all so wonderful and attentive.”

“Well, you know that if I ever get pregnant I’m expecting the same treatment. My partner will probably hate me, I’ll be the most demanding expectant mother ever.”

“I think you’d be justified in being a bit demanding,” Belle said. “I mean, Gold gives really excellent foot massages and I’m often tempted to ask for one when I don’t strictly need it.”

“Any excuse for a foot massage is a good excuse. Unless you’re Granny, who’ll kill you if you come anywhere near her feet.”

Ruby broke off their conversation to call a minicab, and they continued to stand waiting in silence for a while until it arrived, Ruby giving no indication of discomfort despite the snow beginning to fall around them. It was melting as soon as it hit the ground, but there was still a calming, quiet beauty in it that Belle enjoyed. Gold sometimes despaired of her love of snow, and of her and Neal’s tendency to run outside to enjoy the first few flakes. She remembered babysitting once when she had first come to the town so long ago, when Neal had still been so small. When the first snows had come to Storybrooke they had bundled up in coats and scarves and rushed outside to catch the flakes on their tongues. Belle knew without a doubt that she would be doing that with her own child once the time came. Perhaps she could even persuade Gold to join her.

The other patrons coming and going from the club paid them no mind, and Belle enjoyed the quiet and companionship. Ruby gave her a hug as the cab pulled up, and Belle headed off home towards a good book and a comfortable chair, although she wasn’t quite sure how much of the book she would actually take in or how much she would be able to sleep for worry. It was too late to call Gold now, although he had said that she could call any time of the day or night if she needed him. She didn’t know what she would say even if she did call. Warn him that Ariel might inadvertently spread the news? Warn him that they’d been discussing it in the Rabbit Hole and someone else might spread the news? It was all too much to cope with, and it made Belle realise just how much she had been living in a little bubble of secrecy for the past few weeks. Within her own little world it hadn’t mattered too much because everyone who needed to know, knew the truth, and they were pottering along quite happily. But being forced to rejoin the outside world and acknowledge that the world did exist and would keep turning, its rumour mill along with it, well, that was something else altogether.

Belle stared up at the ceiling. Ever since she’d slept with Gold her life had been one long web of lies and half-truths and hidden feelings, and she had no idea what she was going to do with any of them.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Twelve**

If there was one person whom Gold categorically did not expect to see in his shop on a bright and frosty Saturday morning, it was Zelena. The two of them had barely exchanged a word in all the time that they had lived in the town, once Zelena had realised that he was not in any way, shape or form a rich or powerful man and she had decided to set her sights elsewhere for digging her claws into more influence and money. She needled him once or twice when their paths crossed, but she did not go out of her way to make their paths cross.

Gold would never turn down custom in his shop, he needed all the business that he could get, but there was something in the back of his mind that kept screaming at him to get rid of Zelena as soon as possible. She was invading his domain and suddenly the shop that had always been his home no longer felt safe. There was something predatory about Zelena in her everyday life, but at that moment she was looking positively vicious, the smile on her face like a lion that had a deer in its sights and was about to pounce.

“Can I help you?” Gold asked.

“Oh no,” Zelena said. “I just wanted to stop by to offer my congratulations. I hear that you’ll soon be expecting the pitter patter of a miniature librarian’s feet.”

Gold’s blood ran cold in his veins. How on earth did Zelena know? How could she know? Ruby and Belle and him and Neal were the only ones who knew and Gold liked to think that he knew all of them well enough to know that none of them would have told the witch standing in front of him.

She gave a cruel smirk then, taking his silence to be confirmation, but Gold still could not say anything, his brain going into panicked overdrive immediately as he ran through all the possible scenarios in his head. Each one was more unlikely than the last, and he although he knew on the face of it that none of what he was imagining was true - or at least not all of it could be true because some of it contradicted itself - he couldn’t help the alarm bells going off in his mind.

“Well, I am glad that little mystery got itself sorted out,” Zelena said. “You know we’ve all been _dying_ to find out the truth about Belle’s little… misstep. After all, having a baby with a man who’s not her fiancé is quite the scandal. I have to admit that none of us ever suspected you. The faithful friend who’s followed her around like a loyal little dog for all these years. I suppose she finally must have taken pity on you. What a pretty mess it led to though.”

Gold closed his eyes, trying not to hyperventilate. They were just words, carefully chosen for the maximum possible devastation but they could not hurt him physically.

“Can I help, Zelena?”

Neal’s voice coming out from the back room had never been a more welcome sound.

“Oh no, just browsing,” Zelena said brightly.

“Really. Sounded like you were gossiping.”

“Is it really gossip when it’s the truth, though?”

Gold finally forced his eyes open to see Neal standing his ground, arms folded, one eyebrow raised, the very picture of Not Taking Any Shit, and through the panic settling in all around him, Gold felt a small surge of pride towards his son. Where he got his courage from he would never know, because it certainly wasn’t from him.

For a moment, Gold wondered if it might be from Belle. Neal had certainly spent enough time around her as a teenager to have picked up on some of her traits and carried them through into his adult life subconsciously. He felt a pang of something on realising that Belle had been parenting Neal without realising all this time. She’d been a better pseudo-parent to him than his ex-wife had been, at any rate. Was it any wonder that he knew she was going to be an amazing mother?

Neal’s voice pulled him away from the pleasant train of thought and back to the unpleasant confrontation that was going on.

“I think that no matter the veracity, spreading information in a malicious manner counts as gossip.”

“Malicious?” Zelena laughed. “I’m merely telling the public what they want and need to know.”

“No, they do not need to know. My father’s private life is his own, just as Belle’s is, and what happens between them is none of the rest of the town’s business, and it’s definitely none of yours. Now, if you have nothing better to do in here than harass my father, I suggest that you leave. Quickly.”

“Well, if my custom isn’t welcome then I guess I will take it elsewhere,” Zelena said coolly.

Neal nodded. “You do that.”

Sensing that Neal was not going to budge an inch and she was not going to get any more gossip out of the shop, Zelena turned on her heel and stormed out, the shop bell ringing violently as the door slammed.

Gold let out the breath that he didn’t realise he had been holding, and he felt the familiar fight or flight response kicking in, except in his case it was only ever flight that prevailed.

“Dad, go and have a cup of tea and sit down, I can take care of the shop if anyone else comes in. She’s a piece of work but it’s just words that she’s fighting with, she’s not going to do anyone any harm.

“I know that, I’m not worried about that. God, this wasn’t supposed to happen, no-one was ever supposed to find out.”

“Find out what, that you’re the father of Belle’s baby? To be honest I’d be kind of amazed that the rest of the town didn’t figure it out. You two being close isn’t exactly a secret so I hate to say it but you’d probably be top of their suspect list if they were looking for someone.”

“I know, I know, but that’s not the point. No-one was supposed to know!”

Gold went through into the back room and sat down on the spinning wheel bench, but he was too agitated to work; not even the wheel could calm the blind panic that was thrumming through his veins now, he was far too far gone.

“Dad?” Neal had followed him through into the back room, and Gold pressed his hands over his face, trying to pull himself together.

“Oh God, Belle’s never going to forgive me.”

“Dad, please let’s not get into this again. Come on, Zelena’s the bad guy in this scenario; she’s the one who’s spreading the news around, and Zelena’s like a rash, she’ll spread anything anywhere and is never good news. She’s probably got a pimply butt as well. What?” he exclaimed on seeing Gold’s incredulous look. “I’m still a college kid at heart when I’m not trying to get you and Belle sorted out - which should be a full-time job by the way.”

“No-one was supposed to find out. I wasn’t going to kid myself that no-one would ever make the connection, but no-one was supposed to actually have the truth confirmed. We were going to keep it between us, as few people as possible.”

“Why?” Neal asked.

“Why do you think?” Gold gestured to himself. “Look at me, Neal. I’m the laughing stock of this town; I always have been and that’s never going to change. It’s bad enough that Belle is friends with me and has to put up with what she gets because of that, but for the rest of the town to know she’s having a baby with me? She doesn’t deserve that backlash. She doesn’t deserve to be shunned because of me!”

Neal came and sat down on the bench beside his father, leaning back against the wall.

“You know, for someone so quiet and average in most aspects of life, you aren’t half dramatic. This isn’t the dark ages, no-one’s going to be making her wear a scarlet letter or burning her as a witch. Ok, some of the more prudish and conservative among the town might be uptight about the fact that she got pregnant with another guy whilst she was still technically with her fiancé even though that relationship was, to all intents and purposes, falling apart. But they already knew that, and I don’t think that suddenly knowing your identity is going to make anything ridiculously worse all of a sudden. You don’t know that Belle is never going to forgive you. You don’t know that Belle is going to do anything. All you know is that for some reason, this has now become public knowledge. You have no idea what Belle’s reaction is going to be.”

“Well she’s not exactly going to be happy about it!” Gold yelped. “Christ, Neal, what if she thinks I told Zelena?”

“Dad, be real. No-one ever tells Zelena anything. She just knows these things. And really, Belle knows you better than that. I don’t understand how you too can know each other so intimately and for so long and still not know these things about each other!” He sighed. “I despair. Look, if it’ll make you feel better I’ll go over to the library and tell Belle what’s happened and then you can work from there.”

“No!” Gold shot up from the spinning wheel bench. “No, I…”

He couldn’t really think of a protest, because then the shop door opened and the bell chimed, and Neal and Gold both looked at each other.

For a terrible moment Gold wondered if it might be Gaston, come to beat him to a pulp for his indiscretions with Belle. If it was then Gold would gladly take the punishment coming his way, he deserved it.

Neal looked at his father, no doubt trying to follow his mental process, and rolled his eyes with a sigh before going out to the front to see who had entered the shop. Gold stayed frozen where he was, listening to the conversation and waiting for the inevitable rage that would no doubt follow on the part of whoever had come in.

“Hi Neal.” It was Ruby. Not whom Gold had been expecting, considering she already knew the truth. “Is Gold back there?”

“Yeah. Not quite sure he’s in a state to receive visitors yet though. Zelena was in earlier, up to her usual tricks.”

“Right, I see. Well, she’s out there acting as town crier so I was going to come and warn him but I guess he already knows.”

“Yeah, he knows. Look, Ruby, maybe you can get through to him that this isn’t the apocalypse and his friendship with Belle isn’t going to implode because of this?”

“I’d love to, but technically I’m still on shift at the diner and I have to run back. Gold!” she called through. “This isn’t the apocalypse and your friendship with Belle is not going to implode because of this!”

There was the clattering of heels and Gold heard the door go again. Neal came back through, leaning in the doorway between the front and back.

“Do you believe me now there’s two of us, and you know Ruby’s Belle’s best friend who has her best interests at heart?”

Gold nodded unsurely. Really the only person who would assuage his fears was Belle, but he had no idea how he was supposed to face her after this. His mind kept coming back to the single question; how had Zelena managed to find out about his involvement in the first place?

“Dad?” Neal snapped his fingers in front of his father’s face. “Dad, for God’s sake go and talk to Belle, you’re not going to be good for anything until you do.”

“Right.” He didn’t move. “Right. Yes. Talking to Belle.”

“I think that there are some battles that you’re going to have to fight for yourself. Go and talk to Belle.”

With a great deal of reluctance, Gold got up and moved through the shop to the front door. There weren’t that many people about, and it would not take him too long to reach the library, but with every step he took he was sure that he could feel a thousand eyes on him, people whispering behind their hands as he walked, until the imaginary voices got so loud that they were deafening. He thought about what Zelena had said, contrasting it to Neal’s words. Zelena had said that Belle must have slept with him out of pity, that no-one would have thought that he could be the father, that he was just the friend. Neal had said he would be surprised if no-one had suspected. He knew deep down that Neal was the one to believe, that Zelena had just been needling him and trying to get a rise, some kind of reaction that she could use to her advantage. Neal knew both him and Belle far better than Zelena did, but that didn’t stop Gold from feeling the ice in the pit of his stomach when he recalled the words. _Pity_. He didn’t think it was pity that had sent Belle into his arms that night, but maybe…

He shook his head, not wanting to think about it. He didn’t want Belle’s pity, didn’t deserve it. Belle was sitting behind the issue desk as normal as he walked up to the library; her head was bowed over a book and she had a breakfast bagel in one hand. Nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary. She was perfectly happy in her little literary world, and he really didn’t want to disturb her, but he knew that Neal would despair if he went back to the shop without having spoken to her.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the library door and walked in. Belle looked up and gave him a little smile, waving him over to the desk.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Now that he had got closer, he could tell that Belle’s expression wasn’t as happy as he had first thought, and as he reached the desk, they both spoke at the same time, saying exactly the same thing.

“I need to talk to you.”

Belle nodded, giving a soft laugh. “Do you think we need to talk about the same thing?”

“Zelena…” Gold began. “She was in the shop earlier, I didn’t tell her, I swear, I don’t know how she found out but now it’ll be all over the town in a matter of seconds and I’m so sorry Belle, this wasn’t supposed to happen and I don’t know how to make it right.”

The words came out in a jumble, almost incomprehensible in his haste to speak and get them out there.

“I’m so sorry,” he mumbled again.

“It’s ok,” Belle said. “I knew it was only going to be a matter of time before she found out. She finds everything out. It’s probably my fault. That was what I wanted to say to you. I was out with Ruby, Ariel and Mulan last night and they guessed, and well, I couldn’t lie. So that’s how it got out. I’m sorry, I should have asked you about sharing the news with other people as we’ve never really discussed it. But I think that in the long run this is better than trying to hide it.”

Gold couldn’t understand how she could be so calm about it.

“But this is bad,” he pressed. “You didn’t want to tell anyone. You didn’t tell anyone.”

“Yes, I wanted to keep it as quiet as possible to start with.” The corner of Belle’s mouth curled into a little smile. “I was more worried about Gaston than anything else, but he’s had time to get over it now. And I just wanted some time for us to get ourselves sorted out without worrying about other people getting into the mix. But I don’t mind if people know. It’s not some shameful secret I’m sitting on. I always knew that it would come out sooner rather than later. People would start guessing - we do spend a lot of time together.”

Gold nodded. The wind had been knocked out of his sails somewhat by the revelation that Belle wasn’t really mad at the whole scenario, and but he had never been so glad of it.

“Hey, come here.” She beckoned him round the desk and stood to put her arms around him in a hug, pulling him in close. “I know that this isn’t exactly the best way that the town could have found out, but I don’t care. You’re this baby’s father and you’re going to do a brilliant job of it. Anyone who thinks differently can shove it.”

Gold smiled, a part of him reassured at least. Belle was always so forceful when she put her mind to something and this was no different.

“So what happens now?” Gold asked.

“Well, I suggest that we just go about our lives as normal.” Belle smiled. “We should show the town that we really don’t care what they’re gossiping about. We’re a family, if a slightly unconventional one, and nothing’s going to change that, or change how I feel about this baby, or how I feel about you.”

“I just don’t want the town to think that…” He tailed off, not wanting to repeat the words that Zelena had spoken earlier.

“You just don’t want the town to think that…” Belle prompted.

Zelena was being ridiculous and everyone in the town bought her embellishments with a pinch of salt even if the fundamental facts turned out to be true.

“I don’t want to people to pity you,” he said eventually, because of all the things that he was thinking, that was the truest. “I don’t exactly have the best reputation in the town, and now, well, now there’s a baby in the mix.”

“Rumpel, I’ve been friends with you for almost a decade, I know you’re not exactly the most popular person in the town. But I’m still friends with you. I’m not suddenly going to start being ashamed of my acquaintance with you because the town knows you’re the father of my baby. That makes no sense.”

Neal had said as much, but hearing it from Belle made Gold feel slightly better.

“So, to prove how much I don’t care, and don’t need the town’s pity, I suggest that we get pie later.”

It brought them back full circle to when they’d cleared up their first misunderstanding and showed the town that despite what the world was throwing at them, they presented a united front, and Gold smiled.

“Yes, that sounds like a good idea.”

“Neal can come too,” Belle added. “He’s part of the family after all; it’s his siblet.”

“You’ve started using it too, I see.”

“Well, I think it’s cute. So don’t worry about Zelena and don’t worry about what the rest of the town might or might not be saying. I know that I’m not going to. And we shall have pie later.”

“All right. I’ll see you later.”

Gold felt happier as he made the journey back to the yarn shop, and Neal did not comment as he came back in.

“You’ll be pleased to know that we’ve had exactly zero customers come in baying for your blood, and Mrs Shoesmith bought some baby fourply to knit a hat for her latest grandchild; although given the amount she bought I’m thinking that the kid must have twenty-three heads. How’s Belle?”

“She’s fine. She’s her normal self.”

“So she’s completely non-plussed by this thing that you’ve got yourself into a complete tizz over? Why am I not surprised?”

Gold didn’t reply and returned to his position behind the counter, waiting for six o’clock to roll around. He still couldn’t quite shake the fear of someone coming in to chastise him for what he had done to Belle, but ultimately, it did not happen. He saw a few people pass by outside the shop exchanging looks and words, but no-one entered to give him a piece of their mind, and by the time he and Neal left the shop to meet Belle, he was feeling marginally more confident about avoiding a confrontation.

Belle was waiting on the corner outside the diner and the three of them entered together. A few people turned around and perhaps looked at them a little longer than was usual, but then went back to their meals. Mulan and Ariel were in the diner at the bar, chatting to Ruby and Granny, and as he and Belle took a seat in their usual booth, the group gave them encouraging smiles. Belle’s friends approved. For the first time since Zelena had come into the shop that morning, Gold felt that everything was going to be all right.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Thirteen**

Before her first scan, Belle had been pacing up and down the diner with worry, a constant stream of what-ifs running through her head and all sorts of terrible scenarios dreaming themselves up behind her eyelids. This time, she was still unable to sit still, but it was out of excitement rather than anything else. Gold was going to come with her and they were going to find out the baby’s gender, and nothing was going to go wrong. She wasn’t sure where her new-found positivity had come from, but it was probably something to do with the fact that there was no longer that weight settled on her shoulders of keeping her baby’s parentage under wraps. Now it was out in the open and there had been no unpleasant consequences of it (well, they’d all been sorted out, at least), and she finally felt completely free to enjoy her pregnancy for the first time since she’d taken the test.

Well… maybe not completely free. There was still small question of being hopelessly in love with her best friend with whom she was having a baby, but she kept pushing that to the back of her mind, always working on the principle that tomorrow was another day and they would be able to get themselves together soon enough. The trouble was, they’d kept going through a lot of tomorrows and she was still no closer to actually admitting her feelings to anyone, let alone Gold. Maybe she just needed Ruby to kick her ass into gear like she had done weeks ago when she’d forced them to talk about the baby.

A car pulled up outside the library and she recognised the slightly spluttering engine of Gold’s rusty old VW, rushing outside as fast as her bump could take her and locking up the library. He was waiting on the sidewalk for her just outside, and he looked to be just as excited as she was, although maybe not expressing it with quite so much pent-up energy.

“Ready?” she asked.

“As I’ll ever be. You?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait. I’ll finally find out whether my hunches are correct.”

“You’re going to be annoyed if it turns out that it’s a girl, you know,” Gold pointed out as they got back into the car and began the journey towards the hospital.

“Not really. I’m happy whatever he or she turns out to be. I’ll just be annoyed that apparently I won’t be able to trust my instincts anymore.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see. Not long now.”

They fell into companionable silence for the majority of the short journey, and Belle kept stealing glances across at Gold in the driver’s seat. It would be the first time that he would be seeing their baby properly, rather than as a piece of paper, and she wondered how he felt about that, whether it would still pull forth all the same emotions as it had when he had first seen Neal’s scan. She thought that it would. She couldn’t think of anyone who had ever been more enthused about being a father, but perhaps she was just biased, now that everything was on an even keel and she was not being so stubbornly disbelieving. Maybe she was overcompensating for earlier in the pregnancy, but she didn’t think so.

He didn’t speak again until he pulled into the hospital carpark, whereupon he looked over at her, and his hand closed over hers where they were clasped in her lap, trying to stop the shaking that she was not sure when it had begun.

“Ready?” he asked.

Belle nodded. “Definitely. You?”

“I’ve been ready ever since you gave me that first sonogram picture,” Gold admitted, and Belle had to giggle.

“All right, let’s go and meet our son or daughter.”

No-one in the maternity unit waiting room paid them any mind as they entered and signed in, and as Belle looked around at all the other expectant couples, she felt her heart beating hard in her throat.

“Your hands are still shaking,” Gold observed, and he took one of hers in both of his, rubbing gently in that soothing motion she knew from so many years of watching him spin. “What’s wrong?”

Belle shrugged. “I don’t know. I was a nervous wreck before the first scan but I don’t know why I’m shaking now.”

Well, perhaps she did, but she wasn’t going to admit that to Gold just yet. Her emotions were bubbling below the surface; feeling so much at once that she feared everything spilling out in a huge fountain of tears and fears and declarations of love right here in the hospital waiting room.

“It’s all going to be ok. Are you going to get another picture for Ruby?” he asked. Belle had to laugh. Ruby was still keeping tabs on her pregnancy and asking for updates almost daily, despite the fact that she was no longer quite as closely involved as she had been at the beginning.

“I think I might be disowned from her circle of friends if I didn’t,” she admitted. “Anyone would think that she was the one having it.”

“There’s no harm in having an overenthusiastic aunty,” Gold said. “Well, I don’t think it did me any harm, but Neal might beg to differ.”

“How is Neal?” Belle was grateful for the change of subject, teetering so close to the emotional knife-edge as she was. The mood swings and mental tenderness were not something that she was particularly going to miss once the baby was born.

“He’s all right.” Gold gave a soft laugh in memory of Neal’s antics. “He and Emma seem to be going strong. There haven’t been any more exploits with stolen cars, which I should probably be grateful for. Honestly, throughout his first two months at college I kept expecting a call from the Boston police station. I mean, he’s always been the most sensible of his friends but when I heard about some of the scrapes that they’ve managed to get themselves into…”

He shook his head with good-natured despair. “The last I heard, he was going to enter a bagel eating competition this weekend.”

“Naturally.” Belle raised an eyebrow. “Maybe my next care package to him ought to include a large bottle of Pepto Bismol.”

“He would probably welcome it,” Gold said with a soft huff of laughter. “He sends his love, by the way. He always asks after the baby whenever he calls.”

Belle smiled. “He’s a really good kid, Rumpel,” she said. “You’ve brought him up well and I know that you’ll bring this one up well too.”

“I certainly hope so.”

They fell into silence again for a while, and Belle found herself leaning in against Gold’s shoulder.

“I don’t know why I thought that you didn’t want to be father again,” she murmured under her breath, although none of the other couples appeared to be taking any notice of them.

“We were both making some silly assumptions,” Gold replied. “We’ll say no more about it and just be thankful that we’re here now and that we definitely want to be parents.”

“Yes.”

Of course, Belle wanted to be slightly more than that, but here in the hospital really wasn’t the time or place to get into that, not when this was supposed to be such a joyous occasion. And it was a joyous occasion, as long as she didn’t let her bloody feelings get in the way again.

“Belle French?”

Belle looked up to see Dawn the sonographer waving to them from the corridor down to the consultation rooms. If she was surprised to see Gold with Belle this time instead of Ruby, then she didn’t show it, and she simply led them on down to the same scanning room where Belle had had her first scan, eight weeks ago now. The time seemed to have flown by, and she supposed that it was because everything in her life seemed so much happier now.

“So, do you want to find out if you’re having a boy or girl today?” Dawn asked as she helped Belle up onto the bed and got her prepped for the scan. Gold took the seat beside the bed, looking around a little nervously, and Belle reached out to grab his hand. They could be nervous together. As Dawn switched on the transducer and began to run it over her bump, she crossed her fingers. Everything had to be all right. They couldn’t have come this far and overcome this much for things not to be all right at this stage. The steady swishing sound of the baby’s heartrate thumping filled the room, and Belle breathed a sigh of relief as Dawn smiled.

“Well there’s certainly nothing wrong with baby’s heart,” the sonographer said. “The measurements are looking good too, a healthy rate of growth and no signs of any abnormalities. You can take a look now.”

She swung the monitor round and Belle gazed at her baby, so much bigger than the first time she’d seen it.

“All right, as you can see here…” Dawn moved the transducer over Belle’s belly. “You’re expecting a boy.”

Belle blinked. For all she had been certain that the baby was a boy, she hadn’t anticipated the moment when her instincts would be proved right.

“Did you think you were having a girl?” Dawn asked, seeing her stunned expression and giving a little smile.

Belle shook her head. “No, no, I was certain that it was a boy, but to have it confirmed…” She couldn’t think how to express what she was feeling, and it was with great embarrassment that she realised she had begun to cry. The sonographer said nothing, just passing over a box of tissues and letting Belle snuffle and blow her nose as she switched off the scanner and wiped the gel off her bump. Gold squeezed her hand, shuffling a little closer in his chair and putting his other arm around her shoulders, holding her as close as he could given their awkward position.

“I’ll go and print off a couple of copies of the picture and give you two some time,” she said, leaving them alone in the room.

“Gideon,” Belle breathed, touching her stomach where his head had been on the screen. “My lovely boy.” She glanced over at Gold. “Sorry. I just… I started calling him Gideon in my head. We don’t have to call him that.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Gideon. I like it,” Gold said. His voice was choked with emotion and Belle passed the box of tissues to him. “It’s a good, strong name.”

“A hero,” Belle agreed. “He’s going to be perfect.”

“Yes he is.”

She felt Gold’s lips peck her forehead and she smiled, that little moment of intimacy just putting the icing on the cake of what had been a wonderful afternoon. Beside her she heard Gold blow his nose and she glanced over to see him drying his eyes. She really couldn’t blame him for his emotion, she was on the verge of bursting into fresh tears of wonder herself. It seemed more real now that their baby had a name; he had more of a personality, he was a character in his own story now, someone in his own right. She pressed her hand over her bump again, and she gave a little gasp when she felt something move.

“Rumpel,” she whispered.

“What is it, is something wrong?” Gold was suddenly on high alert and she shook her head vigorously to reassure him that all was well.

“No, no, but I just felt him move. Here.” She grabbed his hand and put it on her tummy where she had felt the movement. “It was right there, I swear, he was moving.”

“I believe you, don’t worry.” Gold chuckled, although it still sounded throaty, like he was laughing and crying at the same time.

The little movement came again, more persistently this time, a gentle pressure.

“He’s kicking,” Belle breathed in wonder. “Oh Rumpel, this is the first time I’ve felt him move and now you get to feel it too. Isn’t this wonderful?”

Gold nodded his agreement. “Definitely.”

The sonographer came back into the room with the printouts and smiled warmly on seeing them mesmerised by the small unseen movement.

“Looks like the scan woke him up then,” she said, passing the prints to Belle, who immediately gave one to Gold before tucking the other two into her handbag. “Now that he’s started wriggling around, you won’t be able to stop him. He’ll be jiving in there all night.”

“I don’t mind,” Belle said as she got off the bed and pulled her sweater back down. “I’d far rather know that he was alive and kicking and ready to meet the world than not feel him.”

Dawn laughed. “You might not be saying that a few days down the line,” she said. “You need all the sleep you can get in the runup to the birth, because you’ll be getting even less after it.”

“I know,” Belle said. The sonographer had a point. “But at the same time… Right now it just feels unreal. I can’t quite believe it. My son’s here and he’s perfect and he’s saying hello.” She was still unable to wipe the smile of wonder off her face as Dawn showed them out of the room and they made their way out of the hospital. Gideon had quietened down and she did not feel him move all through the journey back to the library, but Belle could have walked on air. Despite the weight in her abdomen, she was as light as a feather and no fears or worries could bring her down.

“I’ll see you at Granny’s later?” Gold suggested as she got out of the car outside the library. Belle nodded.

“Yes. I can’t wait to see Ruby’s face when we tell her it’s a boy. I mean, it’ll be exactly the same as if we told her that it would be a girl, but she’s been so excited to find out and I want to tell her as soon as possible.”

“I can appreciate that.”

They said their goodbyes and Belle opened up the library again, settling herself behind the desk and trying not to bounce up and down in her glee.

“Hello Gideon,” she said softly to her bump. “It’s nice to meet you. Mama and Daddy are going to take very good care of you, I promise. We both already love you so much, and you’re going to have the best big brother in the world to show you the ropes in the big wide world once you’re ready. You’ll see. It’s all going to be amazing.”

She fell back to thinking about the time that they had spent together in the hospital, about how close they had been and the little kiss that Gold had planted on her forehead.

When Neal had been home for Christmas he had said that she and his father were the closest friends that he had ever come across, and in a way she supposed that it was true. The friendship that she shared with Gold was something more than a friendship. Well, they were having a baby so it was obviously something more, but even before then…

Belle sighed, wondering what she was going to do about the jumble of thoughts that were currently taking up residence in her brain and wondering just how she ought to define her relationship with Rumpel. More than friends, but less than lovers, two people who understood each other so very deeply and yet, could get each other so very wrong sometimes.

X

Gold smiled as he slipped Gideon’s sonogram picture into the frame beside the first. His son, his second son. A second miracle that he’d been gifted with. He didn’t think that he had ever been happier than when he had looked up at that monitor and seen his child, alive and well and as close to meeting him in the flesh as he could get before his birth. And Belle, so stunned and so emotional, and yet the strong one in their relationship, friendship, whatever the thing between them was. She was utterly remarkable, there was no other word for it. His hand hovered over the phone, itching to call Neal straight away and tell him the good news. In the end he settled for sending a text, Neal might be in class and he didn’t want to disturb him.

_It’s a boy_.

Neal obviously wasn’t in class, or if he was then he wasn’t paying attention, because less than a minute later the phone rang.

_“Congratulations,”_ Neal said. _“So, I’ll be getting a little brother in a few months’ time then?”_

“That’s certainly what it looks like at the moment.”

_“Well, I’m very happy for you both. I don’t suppose there’s any chance of you two actually confessing your feelings for each other now, is there? Maybe during an emotional moment when you feel him kick for the first time. It’s got to be a movie-worthy moment, of course.”_

Gold sighed. “We’ve felt him kick for the first time,” he said. “And there were no confessions of feelings. Besides, how many times do we have to go through this, Neal, that the feelings are on one side only.”

_“I swear that they’re not. Dad, it took Belle years to go out with Gaston even though he’d been showing interest practically since she moved to town. I was slightly too young to recognise it for what it was at the time, but I’m pretty sure that she was waiting for you.”_

“Neal, please. She’s half my age and utterly beautiful. I’m fairly certain that we’re just friends.”

_“No, you’re definitely more than just friends. You’ve been more than just friends for ages. The relationship you two share goes way deeper than that.”_ There was a pause on the other end of the line and Gold could almost hear the thoughts whirring through Neal’s brain at mach three. _“You know, I don’t really believe in the whole notion of soulmates but I think that if any two people are going to be soulmates then it’s you two. When you’re not barking up completely the wrong tree, of course.”_

“Ok, there’s no need to remind me of those few weeks,” Gold groused. “I don’t know, Neal. I know that I’d like it to be more than just friendship, but how can I possibly know if she feels the same way?”

_“You could just ask her,”_ Neal suggested. Such a deceptively simple idea, and yet such an utterly unworkable one at the same time. _“Please Dad, just take the plunge and talk to her about the way you feel.”_

Unseen, Gold shook his head. He couldn’t do that. Not when they were so happy at the moment. Everything was too good for him to go and ruin it by introducing his unrequited feelings into the mix and the last thing that he wanted was Belle to do something she either regretted or didn’t truly mean out of pity.

_“Well, whatever you end up doing, I’m pleased that the baby’s doing ok. Have you named him yet?”_

“We’re going to call him Gideon,” Gold replied, glad that the conversation had moved away from dangerous territory.

_“Nice, that’s not a name you hear often but it’s not really weird. I approve. It’s way better than Englebert.”_

Gold had to laugh out loud that once again the name Englebert had come up in conversation about the baby. It seemed to be following them around.

_“Well, I’ll speak to you soon, Dad. And please at least think about telling Belle how you feel about her. You need to take a leap of faith some day.”_

“Bye, Neal. Take care of yourself.”

_“I will. I’m on a steady diet of pop tarts and deadlines.  Bye Dad.”_

As he hung up, Gold thought about Neal’s words, that he and Belle shared something deeper than friendship. It was definitely true, but whatever his feelings were, he was content to be Belle’s friend and to be the father of her child, and he did not want to cheapen their friendship by putting his heart on the line.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Fourteen**

Belle gave a huff of frustration, staring up at the ceiling in the darkness and wishing that she could just go to sleep. According to all the books she had read and all the research she had done, this was supposed to be the best part of her pregnancy. The second trimester, when all the sickness had gone and all the cramps had eased up and she was just awash with happy hormones as her baby grew. It was also, she knew, the part of the pregnancy where that self-same wash of happy hormones could make an expectant mother’s sexual appetite incredibly voracious. She could categorically state that in her case at least, this was very true. The problem was, of course, that she had no-one with whom she could alleviate the growing need between her thighs. Belle sighed again, moving one hand from where it was resting on her bump down to loosely cup her mound through her pyjama shorts, trying to will her arousal away. Truth be told, the only person she wanted to sate this ever-increasing lust with was Gold, but of course that was out of the question. She remembered their night together, the night that had led to all this, realising that was the last time she’d had sex at all. She hadn’t missed it in the first few months, feeling too wretched from all the huge changes going on in her body to really care much, but now she would have given anything to feel his hands on her again. He’d had such wonderful, clever fingers, teasing and delicate from so much wool work, the calluses and rough skin serving only to make her fall apart even more thoroughly under his touch.

Oh, to hell with it. It wasn’t like there was anyone around to judge her and there certainly wasn’t anyone around to help her, and Belle knew that she wouldn’t be able to get to sleep until she’d worked off at least some of the mounting tension in her body. Luckily Gideon seemed to be asleep. She’d felt him kicking earlier in the evening, but there was blessed peace now, and whilst she had the opportunity she was going to take it. She shimmied her shorts down her legs and kicked them off, rubbing the heel of her hand up against her mound to start her off and release some of the pressure. Her other hand came up to her breast, cupping and squeezing through the thin fabric of her camisole, brushing her thumb over her nipple until it became hard and puckered and she tugged at the prominent bud. She couldn’t fault the effect that pregnancy had had on her breasts; seeing her bra size going up had certainly been a confidence booster when she’d been feeling at her lowest during those first few weeks.

Belle slipped a finger down into her slit, finding herself wet and ready. Closing her eyes, she imagined that it was Gold touching her, his hands stroking gently along her folds, his tongue flicking at her swollen clitoris and making her moan. She’d wanted him for so long before that night and she wanted him so desperately now, but she retained enough sense to know that a late night booty call wasn’t a good idea, and whilst he’d slept with her because he felt sorry for her once, he probably wouldn’t do it a second time. And definitely not whilst she was pregnant. The thought sobered her for a moment and her hands stilled; she opened her eyes and stared at the ceiling again, trying to push the thought away. This was not a time for reality; this was her bed and she was alone in it and she could embrace fantasy as much as she wanted. It wasn’t going to hurt anyone. She circled her fingertip around her clit again, making her hips jerk at the wonderful sensation. She remembered Gold eating her out, her legs almost giving out as she knelt over him, and she let go of her breast with a little reluctance to bring her other hand down and slide a finger up inside, pumping it in and out slowly and feeling her juices trickling over her hand. Another finger pushed inside and Belle moaned, unashamed. It wasn’t as if there was anyone around who could hear her after all. Her other hand kept working her clit, dancing fingers around the little pearl until she could feel the beginnings of her orgasm building, the warmth bubbling up and threatening to spill over. She pressed her thumb against her clit and came with a scream, as loud as she could manage, feeling the sheer relief and release pulse through her veins.

_“YES!”_

She was panting as she came down from the high, and a heaviness was settling into her bones. It was only now in the afterglow that she could really appreciate just how much she had needed that. Drawing her fingers out and wiping them on the sheets, she could feel the tears beginning to well in her eyes, and she let them come. Belle had done so much crying over the last few months that she thought she would have cried herself dry, but these tears were good, tears of not happiness exactly, but a release of all the pent-up emotions that had been fighting in her for so long. It felt good to just feel good for a change, with no worries nagging at the back of her mind, and to just give herself over to pleasure for a little while. If she happened to indulge in a little imagination, then so be it. She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and stared up at the ceiling for a while. Although sleep was still slow to come, she found that she didn’t mind the wakefulness as much now, and she knew that she would fall asleep naturally rather than tossing and turning the whole night.

“You need me to sleep, don’t you?” she mumbled to Gideon, stroking her tummy. “You need me to sleep so that you can grow big and strong and healthy. But Mama’s got to have some fun now and then, love. And I’ll tell you this now before you can understand so you won’t be traumatised. Your Papa was honestly the best sex Mama’s ever had and she’ll never regret that. The fact you came along afterwards was just the cherry on top of the cake. All right, I’ll be quiet now and let you sleep. You don’t want to hear about your parents’ sex lives. Or lack of them.” Her fingers were still sticky as she tugged down the hem of her camisole, but she felt too bonelessly relaxed to get up and do anything about that, and it was a pleasant reminder that even though it sometimes felt like everything was falling apart around her, she could still take a little time to enjoy herself. Of course, that didn’t stop her really wishing that she was enjoying herself with Gold’s company instead of just her own hand.

It was going to be a long middle trimester.

X

Belle was going to be the death of him, Gold was sure of it. Every time he saw her she looked more beautiful. Her bump was growing by the day, and since the morning sickness had passed, she was the glowing picture of health, her eyes bright and skin clear and dewy. Now that she had started to show and the rumour mill had got used to the fact that she was pregnant and had moved on to newer and more exciting news (apparently some big corporation out in Boston was thinking of buying up the cannery and closing it down to build luxury apartments, but no-one could substantiate the claims), Belle had taken to wearing clothing that emphasised and flattered her belly rather than hiding it. She had always been gorgeous but motherhood really agreed with her. A very small, primal part of Gold was proud that he was the one who’d made this state possible, but all too soon reality came crashing down around his ears, telling him loudly that yes, he was the one who’d got her pregnant, and it was all his fault that she was going through this in the first place, and he was a coward not to have told her how he felt about her before, and that he was even more of a coward not to tell her how he felt about her now. But at least they were friends again, and he could take comfort from that, and the fact that Belle wanted him to be part of Gideon’s life and was welcoming the notion of co-parenting with him. But Belle, lovely Belle, so beautiful… His thoughts wended back in her direction. He had seen her that morning leaving Granny’s, a happy smile on her face and a tiny smudge of syrup from her baconana waffles smeared at the corner of her mouth. He’d wanted so badly to go over and swipe it away with his finger, or even better, lick it off her, leading into a kiss right there in the middle of the street, letting the world know that yes, Belle’s baby was his and he loved her and he loved their child and there was nothing to be ashamed of in that.

Gold remembered the last time he had kissed Belle, that night. It seemed so long ago now, like something in a dream, and if it wasn’t for the very obvious results that had occurred, he’d almost be able to pass it off as something from a pleasant dream. Ignoring the nightmare that had happened in the intervening time, he cast his mind back to their night together, to its beginnings here on the sofa, when she had kissed him and he had kissed her back, and they’d gone into his bedroom... He remembered the exquisite taste of her pleasure on his tongue as he kissed her sweetest secret and lapped down her juices like he was dying of thirst. She had been perfect in every way, and Gold could feel his cock beginning to react to the memory again, stirring in his trousers. He glared at his offending erection as it continued to make its presence known, and tried to force it back down with willpower alone. He should not be thinking about Belle this way. Thinking about Belle this way was what had got him into this mess in the first place. She was a friend, nothing more. If he was going to continue to be hopelessly in love with her like he had been for so long, then it had to be strictly platonic.

On the other hand, some lust-addled part of his brain said helpfully, Belle never needed to know about his rather less than pure thoughts about her, and it wasn’t as if he was ever going to be in a position to act upon them, so what was the harm? The more he tried not to think about her in that way, the more, inevitably, his thoughts wound their way in that direction. It was like thinking of pink elephants, except the elephant in question wasn’t an elephant but Belle stretched out naked on his bed, her face flushed with pleasure as he made her come as many times as she could stand.

Another incredibly lust-addled part of his brain that Gold wasn’t entirely sure fully belonged to him told him, helpfully, that Belle was in her second trimester and as legend had it, women’s sexual appetites were notoriously voracious during that time. He was always in with a chance if she wanted to scratch that particular itch with someone; she was more likely to choose a friend than a stranger considering her delicate condition.

Gold smacked his hand against his forehead in an attempt to drive the thoughts out. Honestly, turning from friends to friends who had sex was what had caused this entire fiasco in the first place. He gradually brought his mind back into focus, but his hard cock, tenting the front of his jeans and brashly demanding some kind of attention, refused to do as it was told and go back down. Gold sighed, swinging his legs off the sofa and padding through the flat to the bathroom. He was going to be taking a lot of cold showers in the next few months, and he was going to have to get used to the fact. Well, since his boiler was never the most trustworthy of appliances, cold showers were something that he was already well acquainted with, but he never normally took them on purpose. He undressed quickly and stepped into the tub, still glaring at his cock, and turning the water on, the icy blast feeling like needles against his skin; he swore at the sensation, hoping that threat of this on a regular basis would force his manhood into behaving itself.

It would probably have done the trick had it not been for the water pressure; after the first shock the stream was nowhere near as powerful and just left him shivering and irritable. He was weak and he was a fool but damn it all, he was going to indulge. He wasn’t hurting anyone. Taking care of his little fantasies in private at least meant that he was more likely to keep it together around Belle when she bent over the issue desk and he could see right down the front of her dress. He shut off the water and leaned back against the tiles, sliding down them until he was sitting curled up in the bottom of the tub, his knees pulled in to his chest and his cock still hard and insistent against his abdomen. At length he relaxed a little, his body still chilled from the water and the cool in the bathroom, and he took himself in hand, stroking lazily up and down his cock and rubbing his thumb along the tip. He’d done this enough times to know what he needed to bring himself to completion quickly, but all the same, he still couldn’t help but wish and imagine that it was Belle that he was buried inside rather than his own fist. He came quickly, pumping himself hard as he spilled over his stomach and hand, groaning as the release spread outwards from the pit of his stomach, warming his whole body. Looking down at the mess he had made, however, the old guilt came crawling back. He wasn’t religious although the aunts that had raised him had been, but in that moment he was quite certain that he was going to hell.

Gold snorted as he got to his feet again a little unsteadily, leaning heavily on the wall with one hand as he turned the shower back on, the temperature at a slightly more bearable level this time, to wash away all the evidence of his lack of self-control. There was no use in punishing himself even further than he was already being punished with gnawing knowledge. The comfort of his own hand in his lonely bed and the heady thoughts of Belle and the life they might have had were a small consolation in the midst of it all. Washing himself, Gold allowed an indulgent thought of Belle in the shower to fill his mind, the water running over her bare skin, her hands ghosting over her private places with the soap, turning her face up to the spray like she did to the rain when she went out in the first storm of the autumn. Thank god he wasn’t a younger man or he’d probably set his cock going again just from the thought of it. Still, soon the water began to run cold of its own accord and it was time to get out of the shower and return to the business of living and doing the best that he could to support Belle and be her friend and her baby’s father without letting her know just how very much she meant to him.

His bed looked a lot bigger and emptier than usual tonight. It wasn’t the first time that he’d masturbated to thoughts of Belle and he couldn’t kid himself into thinking that it would be the last. All the same, something seemed different this time. Something made the thought of going to bed alone and knowing that he wouldn’t wake up in her warm embrace even more melancholy. It was stupid, he knew, because he’d only ever woken in Belle’s arms once, and it hadn’t exactly been the most successful of mornings. Nevertheless…

He lay awake for a long time, trying to make sense of his thoughts and hoping that the next time he saw Belle, he wouldn’t betray exactly what it was that he was thinking about her.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Belle was certain that Gideon was in training to be a professional soccer player. Or perhaps a ballet dancer. Either way, whatever he was doing with his feet, he was showing a skill at precisely hitting her spine with each movement that no unborn child should ever have. He hadn’t even taken his first breaths and he was kicking like a champion. Whilst she was pleased to be able to feel him and know that he was moving and healthy, she was also in so much agony that she just wanted him to stop.

“Please,” she begged, tears of pain running down her face as she leaned on the issue desk, her forehead pillowed on her arms as she tried desperately to find a position that didn’t hurt her back any more than she was already hurting. “Please Gideon, stop it. I don’t know what I did wrong but please stop kicking me! Please, baby!”

She rested one hand on her belly, rubbing gently and trying to calm him.

“If it was the sticky ribs from Granny’s that I had last night then I swear I will forsake them for the rest of my life if you just stop kicking me!” He was hitting her right on the nerve, sending spasms of pain shooting down her spine to her hips, the sensation spreading out through her body, and it was all she could do to stay upright and not collapse onto the floor.

“Belle?”

Gideon stopped moving at that moment, but his foot was still wedged against her back, the pain now a continuous one rather than a steady pounding, and Belle wailed, not looking up to see who had spoken to her. The library was empty; she was officially on her lunch break but she hadn’t been able to eat anything.

“Belle, love, what’s wrong?”

She recognised Gold’s voice through the haze of pain that was blocking out everything else, and she managed to lift her head a little bit to see him hovering in the doorway. It had always been an unwritten rule between them, one that had been reinstated with their renewed friendship, that the shop and the library were never truly closed to one another, although right now Belle wished that she’d locked the door properly to keep him out. She’d never felt more helpless, even when she’d been throwing up every five minutes and he’d managed to bear witness to that. What was it about the man that kept him popping up every time she was in a very uncomfortable position that she didn’t want anyone to see?

Of course, she could just have gone on maternity leave already and be holed up in her flat avoiding all of this, Belle told herself sharply, but the reality of the fact was that she wasn’t at all displeased to see Gold. If anyone was going to be able to help her out without a second thought, then it was him.

“Belle?” He put a hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong? Is Gideon causing trouble?”

She nodded against the desk. “He was kicking really hard and my back’s killing me. He’s stopped now but his foot’s still pressed against my spine and my whole lower body’s complaining.”

“Is there something that I can do to help?” Gold asked. “Would you like me to rub your back?”

“Yes.” Belle nodded eagerly, she couldn’t think of anything else that would help and hopefully some outside stimulation might get Gideon to move his damn foot. She loved her son more than anything but she thought that he might have at least a little more respect for his surroundings whilst she was still his home.

“All right. Let me know if anything hurts.”

She saw Gold’s cane hook over the edge of the issue desk, and heard him pull up her chair, sitting down behind her and placing his hands on her lower back, carefully rubbing down until he got to the place where Gideon’s foot was and Belle let out a hiss of pain, and he worked around it gently. The massage felt good, but there was something missing.

“Can you go under my top?” she asked. “The motion is great but I need to feel the heat from your hands.”

“Oh.” Gold sounded a little bit stunned.

“You don’t have to it you don’t want to,” Belle said. “But it would be much more effective skin to skin.”

“No, no, it’s all right.” He pushed the hem of her top up a little and slipped his hands up under it, replacing his fingertips on her skin and beginning to massage her again. She didn’t think that anything had felt as good as Gold’s hands did on her at that moment, and she gave a moan of happiness as he touched her. Unbidden, the memory of his hands on her before came fluttering into her mind, and she wondered if she could maybe get him to go a bit higher and massage her breasts as well. They were getting full and heavy now and every little thing to help guard against growing pains helped. She felt her face flush at the thought, and cursed her happy hormones. Slightly too happy hormones which were now fixated on the idea of him bending her over the issue desk and taking her from behind right here in the library in the middle of opening hours. Her pulse quickened at the thought and she tried to push it away, but it seemed lodged.

Finally, she felt a wave of relief as Gideon’s foot slipped away from its position and the pain began to ebb away. The shuddering groan of relief that she gave was not entirely related to the lack of pain, and although she knew that she really ought to tell Gold that his wonderful hands were no longer required, she couldn’t help but keep him there, exactly where she wanted him, for a little bit longer. He was so gentle with her, and she wanted to remember the feel of his hands on her as she knew she would be unlikely to feel them again. A little smirk crossed her face. She was going to have more problems with Gideon kicking her in unfortunate places before she gave birth, and Gold knew how to ease her aches and pains. There was always the chance of another massage from him. She sighed, a mixture of pleasure and sadness. This was a functional thing that he was doing, trying to alleviate her pain, and he didn’t mean anything more by it. Any sexual undertones that she was picking up were entirely the fault of her own overactive imagination.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, and Belle nodded, knowing that she couldn’t in good faith drag it out any longer.

“Yes, that’s much better,” she said. “You made him move his foot, which is good.”

“Glad to hear that I could be of service.” Gold pulled her top down and she heard him get up from her chair, his hand on her shoulder guiding her back down into it, and she gave him a grateful smile as he collected his cane and came round to the front of the desk.

“Thank you so much,” she said. “You really are a lifesaver.”

Gold shrugged. “I just want to help,” he said. “Whatever way I can.”

He was so sweet, she really didn’t deserve him, but Belle pushed that thought to the side. It was something that could be pondered later, when he wasn’t here. She didn’t want to mar the pleasure of his company with melancholy thoughts.

“So, what brings you to the library today? Unless you possibly have a sixth sense about when I’m in trouble and need your help.”

“Darn, I’ve been found out,” Gold said theatrically, but then he laughed. “No, this encounter is purely chance, I assure you. I was coming to give you something, actually.”

He’d given her a very lovely massage that had left her wanting more, Belle thought, but she didn’t say anything.

“What kind of a thing might that be?” she asked.

“Erm, I think it might be better if I showed you,” Gold said, and he lifted a large cloth bag up onto the issue desk. Intrigued, Belle pulled it towards her and peeped inside, gasping at what she saw.

The bag was filled with all kinds of beautifully crafted knitted toys and clothes, from the tiniest perfect little booties and mittens to the rather outsized stuffed stegosaurus who seemed to be taking up most of the room in the bag.

“Oh Rumpel,” she breathed. “These are wonderful, thank you so much.”

“I, erm, I might have gone a bit overboard,” he said, looking sheepish. “But there’s plenty in there to be going on with, and I’ve made them in increasing sizes.”

“Really, Rumpel, I don’t think it could ever be too much, you know how babies grow. These are so lovely.” She pulled out a tiny mitten and slipped it onto the end of her finger. So cute and dinky.

“It’s all cotton-based yarn,” he said. “Easy to wash on high heat.” He laughed. “That is one thing that I’ve learned from experience. Always make sure that your children’s clothes can go in the washing machine. The toys are all washable too. When Neal was younger he had this plush teddy that he never went anywhere without; it was surface wash only but, children being children, naturally Mr Ted ended up a little bit more filthy than a sponge bath could fix. I made the mistake of putting him in the machine and the poor fellow ended up completely bald.”

Belle laughed. “What did Neal say to that?”

“He was absolutely distraught at first, but then we made up a story that he’d been fighting a dragon which had burned his fur off and he was all right after that. Mr Ted was a fantasy hero of yore rather than a slightly worse for wear bear.”

Belle took the plushie dinosaur out of the bag and raised an eyebrow.

“Well, it’s something different to the conventional teddy bear,” Gold said. “He was going to be smaller, I will admit, but the pattern that I first followed came out too small, and it was one of those whereby if you double everything, it ends up coming out four times as big instead. But… You know, if you have a toy bigger than yourself then you’ve always got a bodyguard.”

“True.”

Belle put the dinosaur back into the bag and put it under her desk to take back up the flat again later, and she returned her attention to Gold. It was now or never. She’d not been able to stop thinking about him since that night - well, not been able to stop thinking about him in that way, and now the notion was taking over her brain in the most unfortunate of times and places. If there was anything more than friendship between them, anything at all, then they were going to have to have that conversation sooner rather than later. She didn’t think that she would be able to survive to the end of her pregnancy if she didn’t set the record straight with him. True, it might just be the hormones and ridiculously increased sex drive talking, but at the same time, Belle knew that these feelings weren’t going to go away. All right, jumping straight back into bed together probably wasn’t going to be the most sensible way of gauging their feelings but, Belle thought with a wry smile, at least they wouldn’t have to worry about possibly getting pregnant this time. She thought back to the night that they had spent together and how everything had panned out, wondering how they could have read each other so wrongly.

Perhaps, just maybe, there was the possibility that they hadn’t been reading each other wrongly after all. They’d jumped to massively the wrong conclusions afterwards, when it had come to the baby. There was definitely precedent.

“What are you thinking about?” Gold asked presently. “You’re frowning at the middle distance.”

Instead of saying anything remotely related to what she had been thinking about, Belle decided on a tactical retreat.

“It’s forecast to storm tonight,” she said. Gold grimaced.

“Yeah, I read. I was thinking…”

Belle’s heart leapt to her mouth. This would not be the first storm that they had weathered since that night, but it would be the first that they had spent together.

“Yes?” she prompted.

“You know how much I worry about you when you come over in the storms,” Gold continued. “And you have to know that I’ll be worrying about you even more given your current condition.”

“Oh. Yes.” Belle tried not to let her disappointment show in her voice or on her face. “Yes, you’re right. There’s no reason to take any unnecessary risks with the little one.”

“Could I come over to yours instead?” Gold asked.

For a moment Belle was too stunned by the suggestion to answer. He’d been in her flat enough times over the years but during storms she went to him, it had always been the way.

“I mean, if you don’t want to that’s fine but…”

“No, no, I’d love you to come,” Belle interrupted quickly, wanting to head him off at the pass before he got completely the wrong impression again and they ended up setting their friendship and possibly tentative relationship back even further. “You’d be very welcome. I’ll make sure that the kettle’s on.”

Gold smiled. “Thank you.”

“Just make sure that you come over in plenty of time before it hits, I don’t want to have to come out with a torch to look for you.”

Gold crossed his heart with a soft chuckle. “I swear that after telling you not to come out for fear of you and the baby being struck by lightning, I will not make you come out with a search party. I guess I’ll see you later then? They’re thinking it’ll hit town around seven.”

“I’ll expect you before seven, then.” Belle smiled as Gold left the library with a wave, and she sat back in her chair with a sigh of contentment, rubbing over her belly. This would be their turning point. If anything was going to happen, it would be tonight.

Her phone buzzed with the arrival of a message; it was from Ruby.

_Please don’t go out in the storm tonight._

Belle rolled her eyes and replied:  _I won’t. Rumpel’s coming over to mine instead._

There was a long pause before Ruby replied.

_Do you think tonight might be the night?_

Well, Belle certainly hoped it would be, although the night for quite what she still wasn’t sure. She decided to downplay it.:  _The night for what?_

The response, a split second later, was an emoji rolling its eyes.

_Telling him how you feel about him, of course. If you catch him during the storm then he won’t be able to run away!_

Belle sighed. It was certainly a true statement but it wasn’t right to use his fear to her advantage like that. But being together in close quarters, both of them with their guard lowered, it did seem like the perfect opportunity to actually sit down and lay her feelings on the line - and since neither of them would be able to go anywhere, it would really force them to actually talk about where they were going, rather than each of them avoiding the subject - and avoiding each other physically - in order to spare each other’s feelings.

_Maybe. And what do you know about my feelings anyway?_

_I hate to say it, girl_ … Belle could hear Ruby’s voice saying the words in her head as she read them.  _But it’s not exactly been subtle. For all you talk about him being your best friend, I know you want to be more than that. You wouldn’t be in the position you’re in now if you didn’t. I think maybe the only person who’s not picking up on those signals is Gold. Just remember to speak in words of one syllable and use diagrams if necessary._

Belle had to snort at that, and she gave a sigh. Perhaps there was some truth in Ruby’s words. Before she had started going out with Gaston, she didn’t think that she had been all that subtle in her overtures towards Gold, the insinuations that she wanted to be more than just friends, and she had come to the conclusion that since he showed no signs of responding to said overtures, he evidently didn’t want to me more than just friends and so she had given up and settled for Gaston instead.

Now Belle was not quite as sure. During the last few months she had been forced to question all the things that she thought she knew about herself and Rumpel and confront the reality that so much of her relationship with him had been based on assumptions. Now she just wanted to know the truth, no matter what that was, so that she could begin this next stage of her life without any more misconceptions or falsehoods. She had begun her pregnancy with fear and secrets, and it had only led to even more problems. She could not and would not bring her child into the messy world that she’d helped to create around herself. It was time to do the brave thing, for both her own sake and that of Gideon.

With a new-found determination and steel in her stance, Belle left the issue desk and went over to get the children’s corner ready for storytime. She had already taken to reading bedtime stories to Gideon even now, getting him ready for when he was born and it would become a regular fixture. She hoped that she could get Rumpel to read some of her favourites to their son as well; although he denied it he had a beautiful voice for reciting, his accent perfect for lullabies. Belle wondered if he knew any traditional Scottish ones that he had sung to Neal when he had been a child, and she smiled at the thought of Rumpel singing.

Outside, the wind was beginning to howl in preparation for the evening’s forecast storm, and Marian and Roland were blown into the library on a particularly strong gust. Roland immediately ran over to pick through the picture books, and Marian came over to Belle.

“How’s it going?” she asked.

“He’s training to be a soccer player already, but other than that we’re going ok.” Belle glanced down at the Harlequin romances that were sitting in the top of Marian’s bag ready to be returned, and her thoughts rushed involuntarily to her slightly less innocent symptoms. Heat suffused her face, and Marian grinned.

“You’ve reached that stage, then?”

Belle nodded sheepishly.

“Well, I’ve finished these if you want to take them off the shelves for personal use. I don’t think anyone would mind.” The other woman winked as she handed over the books and Belle sped off to check them back in and surreptitiously hide them under the issue desk.

She hoped that she wasn’t going to need them, but it paid to be prepared for all eventualities.

 


	16. Chapter 16

The first spots of rain were just beginning to patter down on the ground when Gold arrived at the library and made his way up to Belle’s apartment, shivering in the cool evening air. Belle let him in, waving him into the place in her usual way. He’d spent enough time here over the years and he already knew to just make himself comfortable in the cosy space. He toed off his shoes and hung up his coat beside Belle’s waterproof, watching as she went into the kitchen to put the kettle on. He watched as she stood at the stove waiting for it to boil, her hands on the small of her back pushing her bump forward, looking down at it. There was definitely no hiding it now, even if she wanted to, and every time he saw her, Gold couldn’t help but fall a little bit more in love with her and with their unborn child. Presently she placed a hand on her belly, smiling, and she waved him over.

“Gid’s kicking,” she said. “He’s a strong one, I’ll give him that much. I’m not sure how much more of this treatment I can handle. Do you mind, young man!” she exclaimed in mock disapproval as she felt the persistent push of a tiny foot again. “I’m providing you with bed and board you know, is this any way to treat your mother? Just because you know I can’t evict you doesn’t give you free reign.”

The pep talk seemed to do the trick and Gideon calmed down.

“He’s a very wriggly baby,” Gold observed. Belle nodded.

“Yes. I think we’re going to have our work cut out when he starts walking. Although you never know, he might be the next big thing on the dance scene. Backing up Beyonce on her tours.”

Gold had to laugh at that image; neither he nor Belle were the most graceful of creatures, between her clumsiness and his leg, so if Gideon managed to be anything close to elegant on his feet then it would be a miracle.

Once they were back in the living room, the teapot steeping and the mugs ready on the coffee table, Belle settled herself on the sofa, curling her feet up under her and leaning in against Gold.

“It’s been a while since we’ve done this,” she said, and Gold could not help but nod. Whilst these last few months, since their heartfelt conversation in the shop when they had finally thrashed out the truth of their feelings towards Gideon, had been wonderful, there had still been something missing. He and Belle were friends again, close and inseparable as they had always been, but ever since it had been revealed that he was Gideon’s father, there had been a certain expectation in the town. Gold wasn’t going to lie; he thought that the expectation was hanging there in the air between him and Belle too, but neither of them were brave enough to actually broach the subject. Their relationship to each other, leaving Gideon out of the equation, had changed irrevocably since that night and this easy closeness, just cuddled together like this, had become far less frequent. It was not that they were uncomfortable with each other – tonight was a case in point, after all, and so was the morning’s massage at the library. But Neal was right – now that they had got Gideon sorted out, and knew that they would continue to co-parent him no matter what, it was time that they got themselves sorted out as well. They’d benched that half of the conversation months ago, and in all the euphoria of getting ready to welcome their new arrival and all the other things that had got in the way since, they had never really come back to it.

“Well, I hate to be the one to say it, but we both know what happened the last time we did this.”

Belle nodded, and patted her baby bump.

“Yup. This one came along.”

“Yes, that wasn’t exactly the intended outcome of keeping me company through a storm, was it?”

Gold wished that he hadn’t sounded so sad and bitter when he said it, because Belle immediately picked up on the tone of his voice and she twisted to look at him.

“I don’t regret it,” she whispered. “You know that I don’t regret Gideon happening. There’s nothing about that night and what happened after that I regret, apart from all that misunderstanding at the beginning. Even if I had the chance to do it all again, I would still make the same choices.”

Gold sighed. “And if there hadn’t been wine involved?”

“I would still make the same choices,” Belle repeated. She pulled away a little, out of the arm that was resting around her shoulder and looked up at him. “We’ve been through this before, Rumpel. I want to be a mum and I want to have this baby with you. And you know that I already told you, that night, that I didn’t want to get married anymore.”

“I know. That still doesn’t mean…” Gold sighed, he had no idea where he was going with this. When he had made the decision that they needed to have this discussion, he’d planned on having slightly more time to prepare for it. In the intervening months between his and Belle’s night together and the present, he’d managed to push the terrible things that he had thought and felt on that awful morning after to the back of his mind, trying to quell his fears with the knowledge that Belle was happy and wanted to be a mother, and she didn’t seem to care how the baby had come about. Now he was being forced to face those feelings head on again and he didn’t know how to handle it.

“Rumpel,” Belle began. There was a question in her eyes, her brow furrowed as if she was trying to put together an incredibly complicated jigsaw puzzle in her head and Gold kept throwing extra pieces at her to confuse her. “Rumpel, what happened that night?”

Gold raised an eyebrow. “You really don’t remember?”

“No, of course I remember the physical act.” Belle rolled her eyes. “It was the most wonderful sex I’ve ever had.”

Gold’s eyebrows shot to his hairline. “What?”

“Your self-esteem really needs work,” Belle said, taking one of his hands in both of hers. She let out a long breath, as if she was composing herself for what was to come. Gold took the fact that she was holding his hand as a good sign and she wasn’t about to run away from him in horror.

“Rumpel,” she began again, “I really need to know where I stand, here. Where we stand in regard to each other. For the last few months we’ve known where we stand in regard to Gideon, but we’re still acting skittish around each other. We’re almost back to normal but there’s something unsaid, a conversation that needs to be had but I don’t even know what it is. Please tell me honestly, do you regret what we did that night? Leaving the fact that we conceived Gideon aside. If I’d taken my pill, if you’d had condoms to hand… Would you have regretted it? Because you were so distraught the morning after, and it got to the stage where I genuinely thought that you hated me for it. For changing the dynamic of our friendship because there was an unequal amount of feelings involved.”

“Belle, I could never hate you,” Gold said. He couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of Belle’s mouth. Why would he hate her after what he had done? “You’re the one who should be hating me.”

“Whyever would I hate you?”

“Belle, what I did to you… It was disgusting and unforgivable and you were well within your rights never to want to speak to me again, let alone want me to have anything to do with our child.”

“Rumpel, you’re scaring me now. What did you do that you feel is so awful, because I sure as hell can’t remember anything?”

Gold drew in a long breath. “That night,” he said. “You were so distraught and so vulnerable and I took advantage of you.”

“You think… You really think… Jesus Christ.” Belle shook her head, but there was the slightest trace of a smile on her face and her hands were still holding his. “You mean to say that we spent all that time tiptoeing around each other and we very nearly missed out on being friends, let alone anything more, because you _thought_ you took advantage of me?”

Well, when she put it like that, it did sound catastrophically ridiculous, and indeed, just like them.

“I suppose…”

“You’re impossible,” Belle said flatly, and she gave a long sigh. “That morning afterwards, you looked so stricken, you were so jumpy, as if I was about to eat you. I thought that you were regretting it because you just saw me as a friend and nothing more, not the way I saw you, and you wanted to let me down gently and tell me that sorry, but it couldn’t happen again because you didn’t feel for me in the same way as I felt for you.”

“No, Belle, never.” He paused, and despite the nauseating guilt that kept roiling in his stomach, he fixated on those few words that he dared to take hope from. “What do you feel for me?” he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper.

There were tears in Belle’s eyes. “Nothing I say will change anything with regard to Gideon, right?”

“Of course not.”

“Then in the spirit of the incredible honesty that Ruby demanded of us when she first tried to get us sorted out, I love you.”

Although a small part of him had been wishfully hoping for such a declaration, it still came at Gold from out of the left field, knocking him for six. Belle loved him. He had loved her for so long and all this time, she had felt the same way, not knowing that he shared her feelings. It was like something out of a movie, the final scene before the credits rolled, the couple baring their souls in the darkness under a street lamp as the rain fell all around them. Well, it was dark and raining outside, that would have to do.

“Rumpel, please say something,” Belle whispered, her voice choked.

With shaking fingers, Gold reached out the hand that Belle was not holding and touched her face, wiping away the tears that were trickling down the side of her nose.

“I love you too,” he said. “I just… I couldn’t believe you could ever feel the same way.”

“Rumpel, I practically jumped on you.” Belle gave a weak laugh. “Surely that gave you some indication that I wanted a little more than friendship from you.”

Gold shook his head, because at the time, it hadn’t occurred to him. There had been no such indication because he categorically couldn’t, or maybe wouldn’t, believe that it could be true. He’d lived with so much pain and disappointment in his life, had been told that he was unloveable so many times that naturally he believed it.

“Belle, I love you and I think I always have,” he said. “Ever since we first got to know each other and you started babysitting Neal, cliched as that might sound. But I knew that there was no way that you could return my feelings, and I knew that had you been in a slightly less emotional state then you would never have done what we did that night. And when I woke up, I saw you there and I knew how much you would regret it, and I couldn’t believe that I had been so selfish as to let you do something I knew you would regret, just because I wanted to love you so badly.”

“Hang on.” Belle shook her head. “You _knew_ I would regret it.”

“Yes.”

“No, you _assumed_.” She gave a little snort of melancholy laughter. “We nearly lost out on months of friendship and happiness and being in love because you _assumed_ I couldn’t possibly be serious about wanting you.”

“Belle, I…” Gold sighed. “Yes.”

There was silence for a long time, but Belle was still holding his hand and Gold was still cupping her face and there was still so much left unsaid.

Then Belle smiled, leaning in and resting her forehead against his.

“We’re as bad as each other,” she mumbled. “When did we start making these assumptions?”

Gold shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve been making them my entire life. Most of the time they turn out to be true.”

“Yeah.” Belle sighed. “I know. That’s why I’m not mad at you. I’ve known you long enough and well enough to know that your stupidly, ridiculously illogical assumptions about me not possibly being able to want you aren’t because you don’t think highly of me but because you don’t think highly of yourself. In fact you have less self-esteem than a squeegee mop. So, just so that you don’t get the wrong idea in your head for the next however many months it’s taken us to get this far, I want you to look at me very carefully and take in everything I’m saying.”

She paused for effect and Gold dutifully watched her every move.

“Tobias Gold. Rumpel. I love you. I do not for a moment regret what we did, or that it brought us Gideon. The only thing I regret is that such a huge misunderstanding occurred, and that we just refused to talk about it for so long. I regret that we missed out on so much time that we could have had together as a couple. But I don’t regret sleeping with you. And I definitely don’t regret telling you that I love you.”

She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips.

“There,” she said. “Are we finally on the same page now?”

Gold nodded, pressing his forehead against hers again. “Belle,” he breathed. “Oh Belle, can you ever forgive me for being such a….”

“An infuriatingly wonderful idiot?” Belle suggested. “Yes. That I can do. As long as you can forgive me for the same. Let’s face it, I think we’ve both made mistakes over the course of these last few months.”

Gold nodded. “But I hope we can put that behind us?”

It was a strange sensation, hope, and not one that Gold was altogether familiar with. But the earnestness in Belle’s face when she had laid out her feelings before him and set the record straight was impossible to fake, and that had given him a brief flicker of hope, one that he was clinging to with all his might.

Belle’s smile was brilliant and genuine as she slipped her arms around him. “Of course we can. Things are out in the open now, we can move ahead together, as it should be.”

She kissed him again, long and slow and deep, the kind of kiss they’d shared that fateful night. There was so much love and frustration poured into it, so many months of misunderstandings and bottled up feelings, and it was with a jolt of realisation, an epiphany almost, that Gold recognised that it felt no different to the first time they’d kissed like this. The passion, the need, the sheer love – it was exactly the same as it had been weeks ago, and yet then, he just hadn’t been able to compute it and get his head around what it meant. Now he knew. He loved Belle and against all the odds, she loved him in return.

It wasn’t as simple as that really; there was still a lot of things unsaid that needed to be sorted out between them but at least the air was clear now. The simple fact of being in love with each other and knowing that their feelings were returned wouldn’t solve all their problems, but it was something that they could draw strength from. They were on the same page at last, after so long of dancing around it.

Belle shifted her stance on the sofa, pressing in closer against Gold, and he found his hands slipping down her body to rest on her waist where her top was riding up a bit, her skin warm under his fingers. Belle didn’t seem to mind in the slightest, her fervour increasing and her hands tangling in his hair, so he chanced to slide his hand a little further under the fabric.

Belle broke the kiss then, pulling back a little, an embarrassed blush spreading over her cheekbones and down her neck towards her chest where it disappeared under her collar.

“Sorry, I…” Gold began, kicking himself for going too fast, but then Belle shook her head.

“No, no, it’s not that. I do want it. God, more than anything. It’s just, well.” She glanced down at her bump. “I’m not exactly at my sexiest at the moment, even if I am at my horniest.”

“Oh Belle.” Gold pulled her in for another kiss, his hands splaying over her back beneath her top. “Belle, you do yourself an injustice. You are definitely incredibly sexy right now. The number of times I’ve seen you over these past couple of weeks, since you’ve started to show, and you’ve looked so dazzlingly radiant… Well, let’s just say that I’ve been taking a lot of cold showers.”

“You always take cold showers, your boiler’s crap,” Belle teased, but there was a shyness in her eyes. “You really think so? I just feel fat and cumbersome.”

“Belle, you’re a goddess, my love. You’re beautiful and…” Gold bit his lip hard, trying to work out how to phrase his next words without coming off like a complete psychopath.

“And?” Belle prompted.

“And, well, the fact that it’s my baby you’re carrying and I’m part of why you’re looking so gorgeous at the moment, well… I am quite proud of that.”

Belle gave a little grin. “I think you have every right to be.”

They kissed again, long and languid, and Gold nipped his way down from her lips to her neck.

“Maybe… I could show you how sexy you are?” he suggested tentatively.

Belle nodded, her voice barely more than a breath. “Yes.”

She held out a hand and Gold took it, and she led him across the flat to her bedroom. In the same moment, a huge flash of lightning crackled across the sky, making Gold flinch, but he didn’t stop. This was the beginning of a brand new stage of his life, one that up until ten minutes ago he had not even dared to hope might be possible. He and Belle were together, properly together, as lovers and parents, as more than friends. If it wasn’t for the bright white afterburn of the lightning flash behind his eyelids, Gold would say that perhaps he was dreaming. But no, it was real. This was really happening. He loved Belle and she loved him and now they were going to make love. Belle squeezed his hand, then slipped it out of his hold to close the bedroom door behind him. Although Gold had been in Belle’s bedroom over the course of their friendship, it was, naturally, the one place that he did not frequent often, and as he looked around it, he saw how homely it was. She had already started gathering things ready for Gideon’s arrival, and there were baby blankets and packets of little onesies in a neat pile on the dresser.

“I was going to put the crib there,” she said, indicating the corner where her mirror was. “Move the mirror, obviously. But maybe, by the time Gideon arrives, I won’t have to do that.”

Maybe, by the time Gideon arrived, they would have sorted themselves out properly and they would be living together in Gold’s slightly larger apartment. It was certainly the outcome that he wanted, but he knew that they really didn’t ought to rush into anything too quickly, having taken so long to get to this stage and having had to overcome so many hurdles and misunderstandings. Slow and steady, but they still had a good couple of months to start building a more stable relationship out of the mess that they’d made of it beforehand.

Belle came back across the room to him and slipped her arms around his neck, going up on tiptoes to steal another kiss, and Gold brought his free hand down to her belly, spanning it over her bump.

“Are you sure?” he said.

“I don’t think Gideon will mind,” Belle said with a little smirk. “He’s a bit young yet to be worried about that kind of thing. We won’t be ruining his innocence just yet.”

“I’m glad to hear it, but I was thinking more about your comfort.”

“I know. I was just teasing.” Belle pressed her lips against his once more, and they both ended up holding on for much longer than they had first intended. “I’ll be all right. He hasn’t moved for a while so I think he must be sleeping. As long as he stays asleep. Nothing too vigorous or acrobatic.”

“Well, you can always guarantee that acrobatic is safely out with me,” Gold pointed out, holding up his cane and resting it in the corner by the door.

“We should be fine then.” Belle gave a happy sigh, nudging her nose against his. “We’re definitely on the same page. You’re not going to wake up in the morning and do a runner because you think you’ve got it wrong, right? I love you and I very much want to get naked and have sex with you. And I would want that even if I wasn’t pregnant and hormonal. I wanted that before.”

Gold chuckled, and again it struck him how they could have got it so very wrong. Well, considering the way their temperaments and personalities complimented and contrasted with each other, it wasn’t really surprising that the whole thing had ended up so far out of proportion, but all the same…

“I love you too,” he said, stopping his spiralling train of overthinking the situation before it could start. “And I swear that I will not run away in the morning.”

“Not that either of us can really run very far,” Belle closed her hand over Gold’s on her belly and looked up at him, her eyes bright with desire and shining with love, her entire form glowing with health and happiness. “Yes?”

Gold nodded. “Yes.”

“Getting naked was mentioned,” Belle prompted, and Gold followed her unspoken request, grabbing the hem of her sweater and pulling it up over her head. Without the thick wool her bump was even more prominent, although not huge yet.

“You know my boobs are bigger now,” Belle said a little shyly as he cupped her breasts through her soft maternity bra, rubbing her nipples into stiff points through the fabric.

“Your boobs are gorgeous no matter what size they are,” Gold said earnestly, and Belle gave a little groan as he continued to touch her, scrabbling at the front fastening of the bra and tossing it off to the side.

“On the bed?” she hedged, and Gold nodded, letting her get comfortable before joining her on the mattress. Doubtless she was just as grateful for the weight off her ankles as he was, and they kept kissing. It was almost as if now that he knew he could kiss Belle pretty much whenever he wanted, he never wanted to stop doing it, checking that she was still there and she still wanted him perhaps.

“You know, I’m feeling a bit underdressed,” Belle said, slipping her hands under the hem of his sweater and the t-shirt beneath it and beginning to tug them off over his head to leave him topless as well. He’d never really thought that he was the most attractive of men, but there was a definite hunger in Belle’s eyes as she mapped his chest with her fingertips, moving down towards his belt buckle and fly. After a few moments of awkward shuffling around, they were both naked, lying on their sides and just taking each other in.

It was different to the first time they’d had sex. Although there was just as much, if not more, emotion involved this time, there was far less urgency and raw need. They were content to take their time; because now they had all the time in the world. Before they had come together in a tempest, a huge, crashing storm of feelings running wild and regrets being brought to the surface and hastily buried again, Gaston still in the back of both their minds, cloudy with wine.

But tonight it was just them. No regrets, nothing on the horizon that might make them think twice.

“Let me take care of you,” Gold soothed, slipping a hand between Belle’s thighs and finding her already damp in her soft curls. He slid two fingers into her cleft, touching her languidly and thoroughly, determined to give her the very best that he could. Despite what had happened afterwards, she hadn’t seemed disappointed in his abilities the last time they had done this, and he took that as a vote of confidence.

“Oh yes,” Belle breathed, digging her fingers into his shoulder where she was clinging to him. “Yes, like that, please.”

Her entrance was wonderfully slippery now and he pushed one finger into her, keeping the heel of his hand pressed up against her mound and letting her roll her hips into him. Her pelvis was jerking, needing more, and he slipped out of her to find her clit, rubbing a little circle around it. She was so hot and wet, his cock was aching at the thought of being inside her, and as she came with an exquisite moan of his name, Gold thought that he might disgrace himself right there and then.

“Thank you,” Belle mumbled to his chest, finally opening her eyes and looking up at him. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” His eyes narrowed as Belle brought one hand down to curl around his shaft and stroke him up and down a couple of times.

“I think it’s about to be yours,” she said. Her hand stilled on him, and Gold realised that this next stage would involve some logistics.

“I want you inside, but I want to see your face as well,” Belle admitted. “I’m just not sure how we’ll go about that.” She rested one hand on her bump, entwining her fingers through Gold’s with the other. “He’s not so heavy I couldn’t go on top, but my back wouldn’t like it.”

There were no two ways about it; Gideon was in the way for most of the conventional positions that Gold had any confidence in, and they’d already vetoed anything acrobatic and adventurous. He glanced over at the cheval in the corner, nominally the site of the crib. He wasn’t really one for being able to see exactly what he was doing when he made love, and Belle caught his eyeline, shaking her head.

“Not tonight,” she said. Gold would admit to feeling relieved at that. They continued to lie there for a while, until Belle brought a hand back to his cock, stroking him back to full hardness. Just the feel of her fingers around him was divine, and Gold closed his eyes with a grunt of pleasure.

“I don’t mind not being inside,” he mumbled, coherent words proving something of a problem as Belle continued to touch him so gently and tenderly. Right now, being together was the most important thing, knowing that he was with Belle and that she was touching him and oh God, if she kept that up he was never going to last.

“I’ve always wanted to see you come undone,” Belle whispered, swirling the tip of her thumb around the head of his cock. “You do look beautiful when you come. Carefree, like you’re truly happy.”

“I am, Belle,” he mumbled. “So happy. I can’t think of anything that would make me happier.”

Well, there were probably a few things, but they were unimportant in the grander scheme of life. Right now, nothing could improve the situation.

Belle shifted in his arms and he felt her other hand cradle his balls.

“Oh Belle,” he breathed. “My beautiful, brave, wonderful Belle.”

“My sweet Rumpel.” She kissed his forehead, giving his balls a gentle squeeze, and Gold was lost, coming hard into her hand with a groan, his hips jerking as he spent himself over the sheets.

“I love you,” he finally managed.

“I love you too.”

They kept kissing for a little while until Gold became aware of the sticky wetness cooling on their skin and the sheets.

“I’ve made a bit of a mess there.”

Belle shrugged. “Life’s messy.”

“We’ve certainly proved that.” Gold snorted and reached across Belle to grab some tissues from the nightstand, cleaning up as best he could. Belle presently gave a heavy sigh, her brow furrowing, and Gold immediately felt the beginnings of panic coating the back of his tongue.

“Are you all right?”

Belle nodded. “I’d be perfect if it wasn’t for the fact that this one is squashing my bladder and cutting short our cuddling time,” she muttered, and with a moue of reluctance, she got out of bed, grabbing her robe and slipping out of the bedroom. Gold chuckled, and as he waited for her to return from the toilet, he looked up at the window. The storm was still howling outside, showing no signs of letting up, and whilst he had been far too pleasurably occupied to notice it before, he could definitely notice it now. He shivered as the wind threw raindrops against the window and pulled the covers up to his chin, shuffling down beneath them as if they’d protect him from the thunder and lightning. It had worked when he’d been a child, after all.

Belle didn’t say a word as when she returned, shedding her robe and snuggling down in the blankets beside him, wrapping her arms around him and nestling her head in against his shoulder, close enough to be a comforting presence but not putting any pressure on her stomach.

“I’ll protect you from the storm,” she mumbled. “I promise. I’m not letting go of you again. Ever.”

Gold smiled unseen above her. No, he was not going to let go either.

A simple, single mistake had led them down this path, but now that he looked back, he realised that it had not been a mistake at all. It had been the first step towards their future, despite all the wrong turnings and red herrings that they had encountered along the way. Perhaps, if that first night had never taken place, they would never be in this place now.

Gold drifted off to sleep with Belle in his arms, safe from the storm outside and safe from heartbreak. They weren’t perfect by any manner or means, but they were happy and they were in love, and they had Neal and Ruby to keep them on the straight and narrow if they threatened to fall off it. He had no doubt that they would all be all right in the end.

Half asleep, he put his hand on Belle’s bump, feeling the swell of Gideon’s foot beneath his palm. Him and Belle and Gideon, the happiest accident of all.

They’d all be ok.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
